I spend a lot of time on this blog ranting about Japan. In fact, if you type “Japan” in that search box up on the right, you’ll find that I spend a full 87% of my blog time yelling about how screwed up Japan is. This is the land of urinal video games, geriatric porn stars, virtual kissing machines, robotic buttocks, and weird-looking full-face hair net things. To be fair, this week, the phenomenon I am reporting is also found in Mexico. But to be fair to me, this story didn’t come from Mexico, it came from Japan.
Where the Hell should I begin?
Right here!
“Councillor Skull Reaper, you have the floor.”
“Thank you. I would like to propose a bill to stop those jabronies who litter our streets with trash. I propose to put each and every one of those litterbugs in my Skull Reaper Headlock from which no opponent has escaped.”
“Um, Councillor Skull Reaper, do you really think that-”
“Whatchoo gonna do when Skull Reaper A-ji goes wild on you? Grr!” (Rips off shirt, climbs on top of desk, flexes.)
C-mon, seriously? Look, we here in the USA have also voted wrestlers into office (Jesse Ventura), but our loony wrestlers take their masks off. They don’t parade around Congress in feathered boas, although if they did then may be I would watch C-SPAN.
“If I take my mask off, I am an entirely different person.”
Riiiiiight… call the guys with the white suits and padded cells right now.
Not for the wrestler, but for the voters who put him in office.
You are either going to love me or hate me this edition. These are two films that you either love or get incredibly bored by. Me? Any film starring a man named Crox is a winner in my book.
THE ROBOT VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY
I love this title. You know exactly what you are going to get. More films should be named like this.
From wikipedia, perhaps the internet’s best reference for crappy black and white Mexican horror films:
The Robot vs. the Aztec Mummy (originally La momia azteca contra el robot humano) is a 1958 Mexican film directed by Rafael Portillo, starring Ramón Gay and Rosa Arenas. It blends elements of science fiction and horror. The film is the sequel to The Aztec Mummy and The Curse of the Aztec Mummy, both released earlier that year, and a large portion of the film consists of an extended recap of the first two entries in the series.
The film is also known as The Aztec Mummy Against the Humanoid Robot or Aztec Mummy vs. the Human Robot.
The evil Dr. Krupp (Luis Aceves Castañeda), also known as “The Bat”, plots to steal a valuable Aztec treasure from the tomb of a centuries-old living mummy, Popoca (Angel di Stefani). Krupp builds a robot to defeat the mummy. Krupp’s former colleague Dr. Eduardo Almada (Ramón Gay) and associates work to stop the mad scientist from creating his robot.
The movie shows a notable lack of awareness of Mesoamerican civilizations, as it suggests the Aztecs practiced mummification and used hieroglyphics. In reality, they had no system of writing and practiced cremation and (more often) simple burial. It was the Inca civilization that practiced mummification, and the Maya who had a system of hieroglyphics. Also, the mummy is depicted in the Egyptian style (upright or lying on its back) rather than in the Inca style (hunched into a ball with its feet pulled to the body and its knees close to the face).
SAMSON VS. THE VAMPIRE WOMEN
Here we are, another film where you know exactly what you are getting right? Wrong, bucko! This is not Samson the mythical strongman, this is Mexican wrestler Samson, the Silver Maskman, so-named because he never takes off his silver mask. He was the star of a whole series of Mexican horror/wrestling films.
From the mst3k wiki:
The vampire women in Mexico have awakened from their sleep, commanded by their master, The Evil One, to find him a bride. They choose as their target the beautiful daughter (Duval) of a local professor (Augusto Benedico). To rescue his daughter, the professor calls El Santo, a silver-masked wrestler, for justice.
Rodolfo Guzman Huerta achieved an enormous amount of fame in Mexico as pro wrestler El Santo, El Enmascarado de Plata (The Silver Maskman). Not just for his wrestling talents, but also because he stood for decency and fair play, El Santo was beloved and adored by his many fans. When movie character El Santo wasn’t wrestling, he was a crimefighter, traveling in the silver Bentley which matched his silver mask and cape. El Santo always wore his mask whenever he was in public, even when he was not performing. When he retired, his son took over the role. He continues to wrestle under the name El Santo, and, like his father, always wears the mask. This movie is the sixth of about fifty movies which have starred El Santo (superfluously renamed “Samson” in English language versions).
Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride 
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