Tag Archives: office

The Christmas Spirit

1 Dec

December 1, 2014

xmas-2013.jpg

She never wore shoes at home.

Neither did her three children or their father, who only showed up every few days when he needed money. He may have left her with a broken heart, three mouths to feed and a stack of bills, but even he left his shoes outside the door.

It wasn’t that she loved being barefoot. Oh no, during this time of year she wore all four of her pairs of socks and even her not-so-good pair of stockings (the pair with the holes in the heels) to keep out the cold.

The problem was that shoes brought in dirt. Mud. Gum. Cigarette butts stuck to the bottom. They scuffed floors and sullied carpets.

She spent all day cleaning floors at work and sure as the sun shone in the sky, she wasn’t going to spend her time at home doing the same.

She worked nights. During the day she stayed home taking care of her family and at night when the little ones were in bed she trusted the older one (who was not long past being a little one herself) to watch them so she could earn some money so breakfast could be waiting when they woke up.

Winter was her good time of year. The work was harder, the floors were always wet from melting snow tracked in by, yes, shoes, and no, it usually wasn’t clean. This was not the best part of the city, after all.  But what made it good was yet to come. Christmas. And that meant tips from the people who rented the offices she cleaned every night.

Most of those people she saw only in passing. They were usually going out as she was coming in. Locking their doors as she was unpacking her box of cleaning rags and sprays.

“Hello, um, Miss! Sorry about the coffee stain near the desk!”
“That’s ok, I’ll get it out.”
“Merry Christmas, um…”
“Merry Christmas to you too, sir.”

Some people she never saw. The offices of Tick + Hansom (she wasn’t sure what they did) closed at 4:00, long before she got to work. There were a pair of adjoining offices on the fifth floor that she didn’t have a master key for. There was no name on either  door and she wasn’t completely sure they were occupied, but once in a while the shades would be pulled on the frosted glass door windows so something was going on in there.

She also never saw the man who rented the small two-room office on the fourth floor, and though he always kept the light in the office burning, it was empty when she went in. It was also usually clean, so either he or his secretary kept it neat. At least she assumed he had a secretary. The small desk that she guessed the secretary would sit at never had more than a magazine on it.

She cleaned their floors, emptied their trash cans, mopped their hallways and wiped their windows. She didn’t peek in their drawers or go through their papers. If there was an open file cabinet she left it open and untouched. If the jeweler on three had left a bauble on his desk it would still be there in the morning, shining away in the morning light.

She cleaned up spilled liquor and spilled blood. She turned a blind eye to the lawyer who was “deposing” a pretty young client late one night.

She didn’t even eat her dinner at an empty desk, instead spreading her thin meal out on a clean box she kept in “her office,” the janitor’s closet.

Tonight was an easy night. It was only a few days before Christmas and most of the offices had closed early or hadn’t opened at all. The trash cans were empty, the windows unsmudged, the floors more or less free of heel scuffs. Overall, she was going to have a good sleep when she got home, a rare one where her back wouldn’t ache.

By the time she got to the office with the perpetually burning light, she was a good way ahead of schedule and was feeling hopeful that she could be home early enough to get an almost decently long sleep.

She took out her master key, put it in the lock, but the door swung open before she could turn it. Curious, she stepped inside and saw nothing unusual but noticed that the door to the inner office was ajar. Leaving her cleaning cart in the hallway, she went inside.

On a shabby couch, looking like he’d fallen off his sled, was Santa Claus.

She stood there for a moment. Santa’s suit was torn at the collar, his white wig had twigs sticking out at odd angles, his Santa hat was missing, and his beard was over his nose and completely covering his left eye. (The right eye appeared to be black and blue but that was none of her business.)

She wanted to ask if he was OK, she was about to, when Santa groaned and sat up, not much, but a little straighter. He looked at his watch, saw it wasn’t there, then squinted at the clock through his bruised and starting to swell eye. “What time is it?”

She gave a little, startled jump, then looked at the clock and answered “almost 1 in the morning.”

Santa squinted at her, then straightened his beard and looked at her through his now-uncovered left eye. “That’s it? Usually the parties in my head don’t start thumping like that until 3. They better watch out or they’re going to get raided.” He gingerly took off his wig and even more gingerly started to rub the back of his head. “Do me a favor, sweetheart. Take a look back there. Tell me if it’s as bad as it feels.”

Slowly, she moved just close enough to him to see and leaned over. “Well, not too bad…” She leaned back, but the look on her face didn’t reassure him.

He looked at her. She looked at him. He was an odd sight. Short dark hair and a thick white Santa beard. “That bump feels about the size of Patton’s ego.”

She shuffled a little. “Maybe you should call a doctor?”

He took a deep breath. “I’ve had worse.” He shifted a bit on the couch, then an odd look crossed his face. He patted his red jacket and reached into a pocket. His voice changed, a cross between surprise and anger. “They don’t really think…” He trailed off as he pulled out a very thick wad of bills.

She looked away. This did not interest her. She did not want it to interest her.

The man in the Santa suit jumped up. He swayed a little, but his face (what could be seen behind the beard) was set. “He really thinks this will work.”

She looked around the office. It was old. It needed paint. There were two chairs against the wall and one of them looked ready to fall apart. She was sure this man could use the money, just like she could.

He turned to her. “It was nice meeting you, but I have an appointment to return a favor.” Grabbing his Santa hat off the couch (he was sitting on it the whole time) he took a couple of more-or-less steady steps over to the desk, where he took something small and black out of a drawer and slipped it somewhere inside his voluminously overstuffed Santa jacket. She looked away and brushed some of the lint off of her recently mended apron.

Santa stood for a second and looked at her, taking in the full picture, and, she thought she could feel, his keen eyes taking in even more.

“Thank you,” he said. She thought that the way he said it, he meant for more than just looking at his head.

Then he rushed out of the room, but stopped at the office door. He turned back, let out a deep baritone “Merry Christmas!” and a softer “ho ho ho” and left.

She fluffed the near-threadbare couch as best she could, closed the inner door, and wondered what kind of man would get so angry to find so much money.

She closed and locked the outer door and, running her fingers over the painted letters on the frosted glass spelling out DETECTIVE AGENCY, realized that this was the first time she had met Hollywood Russell.

She turned to her cleaning cart and was about to move on to the next office when she noticed that Santa’s beard was lying on top. Maybe it had fallen off?

Probably not. The thick wad of cash was beneath it.

She heard a soft “ho ho ho,” looked to her right, and saw a flash of red disappear down the hall and around the corner.

 

The End

 

This has been

cs

 

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Is There Anything Worse Than An Office Birthday Party?

15 Dec

December 15, 2011

Is there anything worse than an office birthday party?

First of all, it is in the office. Offices are not conducive to fun. Unless your office is in clown college, that is. So while they might try to put up a few streamers and maybe, if someone is ambitious, three or four balloons the fact that it is still the office is belied by the OSHA signs, file cabinets, and filthy industrial rug.

And then, the people. You work with these people all day. Some of them you can’t stand. Some you don’t even know. These are not your friends, these are people you might never choose to see if it was up to you. But you work with them and you are stuck with them so at best, you put on a smile and bear with them through gritted teeth.

Finally, the cake. If there is ever a sign of the office pecking order, it is who gets cake and who doesn’t.

And that brings me to my story.

The Company I Am not going to mention divided certain agents- er, workers, into teams. Each team has 9 people and they are in a pod with their associated office accoutrements. Just a few feet away is another pod, etc etc etc.

Let’s take 3 pods, A B and C. I am in pod B.

I am very friendly with the people in pod C. While they are not in my line, we all fraternize and mingle on the floor. They get along very well with each other. Too well, really, because while they are very productive, much of their time is spent organizing birthday parties and pot luck dinners. Last week a lot of time was spent putting glitter on Santa hats. Sheesh. For the record, I am not involved in their parties and have not gotten a slice of cake. Not a problem.

Over in pod A are people I am not quite as friendly with but I do get along very well with their supervisor and my closest friend on the floor is on that team. They were throwing a birthday party for their supervisor and bought a cake but had no plates or forks or napkins so they stuck the cake in the fridge until someone could bring in the stuff the next day. (For the record, my complex has one of the great office cafeterias/buffets/private restaurants around so they could have gotten plates and forks from there.)

The next day came and guess what? No one brought in paper goods. But the cake had already sat overnight in a smelly office fridge so it was eat it or trash it time. My friend from the other team, knowing that I have pretty much everything from hex keys to plates and forks in my desk asked me if her team could have some plates and forks. I said sure. For a price.

I wanted a piece of cake.

She thought I was nuts. And on some level she might have been right because I actually did not want a piece of cake and would have refused if offered. This confused her. So why did I want the cake?

I wanted the consideration. If I were going to help them out I wanted to be asked if I wanted a slice. Petty? Yes. But I call it a sociological experiment to make myself feel better.

So back upstairs they were looking at the cake and wondering if they should just rip it apart with bare hands monkey-style when my friend said that I had plates and forks and napkins, let’s ask him.

And they did not.

Rather than let an outsider into their little office birthday party they decided to slice the cake with a particularly sharp pen and use clean manila folders for plates.

I don’t understand.

Also not understood is why my friend was glared at when she got a single plate, fork, and napkin from me for herself and ate her cake like a normal human being.

I don’t get office birthday parties.

Know what’s worse? The office Christmas party. Wait and see.