Tag Archives: News of the Weird

Imponderable #47: Alberta Canada

25 May

May 25, 2012

From my “A rose by any other name would sound pretty stupid” department, cross-referenced with my “will any of these kids be employable when they grow up?” department:

Moo Smith
Unique Anderson
Unique Braithwaite
Messiah Simpson
J-Cub (no last name necessary)
Smiley Richards
Tuff Cooper
Tuba Kearney
Jazz Bloomberg
Camry Billings
Andromeda Davis
Xxavier Hernandez
R Hilton 
J Phillips

Isn’t R such a nice masculine name? But what about the pair of not-so-Uniques? Keeping in mind that I picked the last names at random, which of those kids is likely to get an interview for an important job? Tuba? Doubtful. Which kid will get teased mercilessly in school? Camry would be my guess, followed by Tuff, who better be when he grows up with a name like that. And naming your kid J is not doing your kid any favors, all you are guaranteeing is that she will spend her life explaining that no, it is not an initial.

Parents want their children to stand out and be individuals. That’s great. But is giving them silly names the way to go? Sure, celebrity kids all get dopey names like Apple, but they have celebrity parents and celebrity money backing them. Flower children from the sixties gave their kids silly names like Moon and Mop-N-Glo but you could blame that on the drugs.

I am not just being old-fashioned or cranky (this time), studies show that people with bizarre names do worse in the job market. It is a fact. Parents, if you want your kids to be truly unique, encourage them to be creative and intelligent. Then when they become famous they can call themselves anything they want and no one will beat them up in the men’s room or file their job applications in the trash.

Remember, Eminem started life as Marshall, Jay-Z started life as Shawn, and Lady Gaga was plain old Stephanie. I think they did pretty well for themselves.

Why would a parent name her child Tuba?

The question is Imponderable.

Moo? Seriously? That kid is destined for bulimia.

Grandpa, No! Classic Japan Repost

10 May

May 10, 2012

This is the last, and most disturbing, of my Japan-themed blogs. This one has gotten me a lot of hits from search engines. Frankly that scares me.

From November 17, 2010

I’ve been mining News of the Weird pretty hard lately. Why? It keeps me from writing about reality TV. Of course, “Noots” is always good for a laugh, and if I see an Asian Paul Teutul I’ll post the picture, but on the whole, I think Shakespeare said it best in Hamlet:

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

In other words, no matter what stupidity you see on TV, the real world can always beat it for shear ridiculousness. I wonder what The Bard would think of Jersey Shore?

So here is today’s news nugget. I warn you, this one is uncomfortable.

About 20 percent of Japan‘s adult-video market is now “elder porn” with each production featuring one or more studly seniors and Shigeo Tokuda, 76, among the most popular. He told Toronto‘s Globe and Mail in October that he still “performs” physically “without Viagra,” in at least one role a month opposite much younger women. His wife and adult daughter learned only two years ago, by accident, of his late-onset career (which began at age 60 when a filmmaker hired him for his “pervert’s face”). Tokuda figures the “elder porn” genre will grow with Japan‘s increasing senior population. [Globe and Mail, 10-3-10]

Sigh.

Take a  break, drink a glass of water, I’ll wait.

Anyway, here he is, in one of the only pictures I feel even remotely comfortable posting.

The article claims he was hired for his “pervert’s face.” In Japan that gets you a job in porn. In America that gets you on the sexual predator list.

This is just a small, albeit gross, example, of the problem with health care: there’s too much of it. It’s too good. People are healthier and living longer, and this is the result.

More uncomfortable information from wikipedia. which is nearing the five-hundredth correct entry mark:

Male actors are usually anonymous in Japanese porn but Tokuda is now featured in his own branded series of videos for Ruby with actresses of various ages. Another studio specializing in elder porn is Glory Quest which launched the “old manseries Maniac Training of Lolitas in December 2004 and when that became popular, had Tokuda star with a variety of young AV actresses in the Forbidden Elderly Care (Forbidden Nursing) series beginning in August 2006. An additional series Big Tits Loving Grandfather Erotic Mischief* for Glory Quest began in April 2008. Not all of Tokuda’s roles involve sex and he enjoys acting different roles. He has said he hopes to be able to continue working in adult videos until he is 80 (with a laugh).

*isn’t that title a bit long for this sort of thing?

If you’ve stuck around this long without clicking away to something that doesn’t make you feel skeevy, you may be wondering how his family feels about all of this.

The 5 foot 3 inch slightly paunchy former “salaryman” is married with two children and a grandson. He says his wife of 45 years suspects he plays some role in the porn industry but doesn’t ask any questions and he has kept his “star” status a secret.

How? He’s been in over 350 of those things. He must have a Clark Kent thing going on.

TOKUDA: (to himself) Oh no! It is almost time to film another porn!
(to wife) I’m going out for the paper and some milk.

                   (takes off his glasses, takes out his loincloth.)
WIFE: OK, enjoy your walk.
(pause)
WIFE: How come I never see Tokuda and Big Tits Loving Grandfather in the same place? Oh well, time to fire up the DVD player.

Japan is a country of 127,360,000people. They have a life expectancy rate of 81.25 years and about 20% of the population is over 65 years old. This was bound to happen.