Tag Archives: magic

Would you hire THIS gentleman for your child’s party?

15 Oct

October 15, 2012

Hi everyone! Sorry I had no content for you the other week. (Or, given the state of my drivel, maybe it should be “you’re welcome”)  I was too engrossed in my fantasy baseball playoff finals to write. Seriously.  Anyone out there play fantasy baseball? If yes, you’ll be familiar with this. Getting into the finals are a chore, I was leading my opponent pretty good but then the guy decided to stream pitcher after pitcher and I had to match otherwise I’d basically give up several categories without a fight. But that takes lots of research, making sure I pick up good pitchers, etc. And believe me, I didn’t  invest $200 and 7 months of my life so I could lose in the finals to a guy who names his team “The Farts”. Seriously.  During the season when he won a weekly matchup he’d post the same obnoxious message in the forum “YOU JUST GAWT FARRRRRRTED ON!”  The amount of “Rs” in the word fart depended on how badly he beat you. Seriously again. So rather than have to listen to that, I spent an entire week+ researching 3rd-tier starting pitchers with names like Erasmo Ramirez  http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/_/id/31983/erasmo-ramirez  and Esmerling Vazquez.   http://espn.go.com/mlb/player/stats/_/id/29996/esmerling-vasquez  Yes, it was much fun as it sounded like.

Anyway, yes I DID win, thanks for asking.  The message I posted for “The Farts” was much too graphic and scatological to go into here. The good news is now I only have to spend Sundays watching NFL RedZone to see how my fantasy football teams did. (RG3 BABY! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!)

Yeah, I’m both a degenerate gambler and a nerd. That’s the fantasy sports demo in a nutshell. Now onto this week’s stuff!

Check out this 30 seconds of hilarity:

I see this commercial every evening on my local station and I gotta say…….HELL YEAH I’D HIRE THIS GUY FOR MY KID’S PARTY!!!!  Well, I would actually only if I was divorced and wanted to endlessly piss off the ex by hiring this epic fail clown for the worst kids party evah.

I mean, look, here’s a video of “Uncle Majic” that he posted HIMSELF. So it’s his own fault really. Note the crying birthday girl:

WHY IS HE YELLING AT THOSE KIDS SO MUCH??  It’s like having a birthday party with R. Lee Ermey as the entertainment.  And where’s “Uncle Majic” anyway? It’s just some dude in a sweater. It’s like paying to see a Madea movie and only seeing Tyler Perry.                 

        

The costume certainly does matter. Heck, if I actually shelled out for this guy part of the reason would be expressly to see him in that awfuk outfit. (Not “awful,” “awfuk.” Try it, you’ll like it. – Mr. BTR)(Thanks for not correcting my typos. – AK)  Now the gentleman in question certainly does have magic (or should I say “majic”) skills – my only magic trick is making a giant Italian hoagie disappear in short order – but I’m not sure I’d have him come yell at my kids and make my birthday child cry. But hey, the hip hop magician has got to be better than the Egytpian Magician:

PS- When searching “Uncle Majic” on google, I came across this one:

God I love/despise the internets!!!!!!

Mr. BTR here. I love Uncle Majic. If I were having a party I’d invite him just so I could heap abuse on him. But I do admire the guy. He is always on and always in character, even if his only audience is the bored guy at the car wash who couldn’t give a crap about the Hip-Hop Magician. This guy’s life is bad enough, washing cars in the middle of the night; he has to put up with this too?

 

 

 

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Imponderable #62: Zimbabwe (Part Three)

23 Sep

September 23, 2012

Sneak Peek of the Week returns next week.

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Dear Dad. Things are so much fun here in Zimbabwe. Just last week a convention of prophets was called to hunt down the evil spirit who stole all the panties from the women of the village while they slept. They were eventually all found in a heap down the road. You’ll never believe what happened next! A huge owl swooped out of the sky and flew off with a dog in its talons! Yeah, I know, who’d have thought? Anyway, they had to call off the with hunt for a while. I gotta tell you Dad, the chief really didn’t seem too put out. He had this odd smile when he told us he’d have to keep the remaining pairs of panties himself for, get this- “safe keeping.” But they finally got to the bottom of the case, and would you believe…

D’oh! (slaps head with palm of hand) A goblin! I should have known it was a goblin! It was soooo obvious and all the clues were there. Max Simms in my office just won $50. He had “goblin” in our office pool. I had Chief Njelele pegged as the culprit. Sue in accounting had “drunken monkey” and Bob in payroll had his money on “perverted lion.” But goblin? I should have known!

And not just any goblin, a rogue goblin.

A sexually perverted rogue goblin.

“The goblin did not perform to my expectations.”
“We were no longer on good terms with the goblin.”

If I learned anything from Lord of the Rings, it is to never trust a goblin.

So this long, creepy saga is over. I find it only fair to let Chief Njelele have the final word. “People in my area need to behave and desist from engaging in witchcraft. Because of this strange missing panties saga, my area is now known the world over for the wrong reasons, which is a shame.”

Indeed.

Why did the goblin go rogue?
The question is Imponderable.

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