Tag Archives: Les Gold

Mr. Blog’s Tepid Search Engine 2012 (NEW!)

27 Sep

September 27, 2012

I am so proud of my blog. And you should be just as proud of yourselves.

I’m being sarcastic. This is just weird and so, it seems, are you.

 I was checking the gears and cogs that make up the inner workings of The Tepid Ride and I stopped and asked myself “what are all these gears and cogs doing here?” Turns out I was unscrewing my toaster. So I put it back together and, even though I have a couple of cogs left over, it still toasts a mean piece of bread. So while I was munching on some lightly buttered toast I wandered over to the computer and did what I intended to do in the first place- checked out the analytics. I only looked the past week because I scare easily.

It is always a scary thing for me to do. While there are a great many search terms that lead people here, like “American Chopper blog” and “tepid ride” that make sense, there are a great many more that I am not so sure I want to take ownership of.

In fact I lay this first batch right at the feet of Allen Keyes. And that is a fearsome task since his feet are usually ready to kick. But no matter who is to blame (and it sure isn’t me!) the ultimate blame goes you, Mr. John Q. Public, and your wife, Mrs. Estelle Q. Public, and your kids, Ray and JoJo Q. Public. Someone please tell me why anyone would search for:

fat black guy
fat man eating
fat black people
fat guy eating burger
fat ginger man
fat man
fat black person
fat guy cosplay
fat guy eating a cheeseburger
fat ginger
fat optimus prime
fat dude
fat man eating a cheeseburger
fat guy eating
fat guy cheeseburger
fat pizza
fat black guy eating a cheeseburger
fat guy superhero
old fat guy
black fat man
ginger fat guy
weird fat black man eating hamburger
happy fat guy

Let me point out that A- all of those searches in some way  led to Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride, and B- I think you guys may be a little racist. And what’s up with all the fat searches?

But as I said, I do come by those honestly. After all, I have posted any and all variations of this picture:

But at the same time, while those search terms could have led to any site, there were a couple of related search terms that I proudly say can only have come from Mr. BTR since it was this site that coined these terms (and if we didn’t we still say we did):

norman snackmunch
homburger

But fat wasn’t the only search term leading the unwashed (and smelly) masses here. Similarly, these terms also brought people to bmj2k.com:

man eating a hamburger
man eating hamburger
black man eating burger
black guy eating a cheeseburger
black guy eating hamburger
guy eating

Why? Who would google “guy eating?” And take it from me, have your safe search filter on for some of those searches.

This picture also seems to have motivated people to come to my blog.

Don’t lose that loincloth!

For the record, that old guy is Japan’s #1 porn star, Shigeo Tokuda also known as

dirty old man
retro pervert

At least I assume that retro pervert relates to this. What else could it possibly be?

There were also a few searches for “sexy gorilla” and no, I did not try that myself. I do not want to know. If you were one of the people who searched “sexy gorilla” then I ask you to please don’t send in an explanation. I prefer to pretend I never saw that.

Aside from American Chopper, the show that gets the most searches is Hardcore Pawn. I get a schmabillion (that’s a million with a boatload of zeroes after it) searches for that show and I only wrote one single post about it!

ashley gold ass
ashley broad gold ass shots
ashley broad got fat

Before you think the public has one thing on its mind (Ashley’s Broad ass- see what I did there?) her brother also gets a pretty common search:

hardcore pawn seth is an asshole

I agree. I also see the search “why do the people on Hardcore Pawn wear the same clothes” a lot. A LOT. A whole lot more than you’d expect. As a public service, let me explain.

The people on Hardcore Pawn wear the same clothes because the show is filmed over a number of days and pieces of various days are edited together so they have to wear the same clothes or they would be wearing different outfits throughout the show.  Each episode is not entirely composed of one day; they are composed of a few days edited together for whatever story the producers want to tell.

Another show I only wrote about once but generates a lot for traffic is Long Island Medium.

long island medium crap

It is worth mentioning here that the show sucks and the medium is a fraud.

Strange terms leading folks here included

tiny muscle man
tiny midget
dwarf man

Isn’t “tiny midget” redundant? And “dwarf man?” Is that some sort of dwarf and man hybrid?

mr t versus Dracula

I goggled this one myself, and no matter what spell check says, I refuse to capitalize google. Call it my one man protest. Adam Yauch would be proud. Anyway I googled it and where did it lead? Not to me. I went through the first five pages and no links for bmj2k.com appeared. However, when I switched to images, the tenth picture was from Mike Mongello as it appeared on my blog. It had Dracula but no Mr. T. Go figure.

I was happy to see that monkey man in delhi led to me as that was one of my first and still favorite blog subjects. Someone remind me to make that the next Classic Repost.

the pants that ate fred mertz. Hee hee, google that one yourself.  Warning. It is not dirty. Sorry to disappoint.

whatever happened to the actress who played mary on little house on the prairie? I don’t know, nor do I know how that has anything to do with my blog.

lee horsley Hardscrabble himself!From my very own Twitter sensation Hardscrabble & Fist!

mayor doucheberg is popular too. The insult, I mean, not the man himself, who is a self-righteous arrogant prick. But Mayor Doucheberg sounds a lot better than Mayor Self-Righteousarrogantprickberg.

But, and I am serious, the number one search term leading people here over the last week is “kittens.”

Yup. Kittens.

I told you at the start, you guys are weird.

My Review of Hardcore Pawn

18 Jul

July 18, 2011

You ever see Hardcore Pawn? If you haven’t, and consider yourself lucky, then imagine the shop from Pawn Stars dropped in the middle of the worst part of Detroit and specializing in buying Xboxes from crackheads and you’ve got the idea.

The usual customer is unemployed and is pawning her kid’s DVD player for $10. And I when I say “unemployed” I do not mean “without a job,” I mean “unemployable.” Lots of missing teeth, fat but with belly shirts, drunk, stoned, cannot put two intelligent words together, you get the idea. It is Detroit.

It is a very classy show.

One man calling himself Grizzly Bear stood around and growled at the staff. He had a tatoo of a bear taking a dump and wiping his ass with a rabbit across his chest.

The shop is run by the Gold family. Seriously, a family named Gold running a pawn shop. That should be enough to tell you what’s coming up. There are three members of the family working in the shop.

Les Gold

If guys running pawn shops didn’t already have a bad name he would give it to them. He wears a v-neck sweater and a jeweler’s loupe around his neck on a thick gold chain. His whole gimmick is that “we are here to help people.” Bullshit.

I understand that this is a business and he is here to make money. Gotcha. But he isn’t fair. For example, a guy came in with a pedal car he paid $25 bucks for and was asking for a few thousand. That was ridiculous. But so was Les’ offer: $50. They went back and forth and countered and counter-countered and the guy went down to $100 and Les hardlined him at $85. That was the eventual selling price. So what was so unfair? Les took the thing to the back and told the camera that “with a little cleaning” he could get $4,000 for it. FOUR THOUSAND. And he nickel-and-dimed the guy down from $100 to $85. Good business? I guess, but don’t tell me you are there to help people. This guy is a sleaze. He will buy someone’s ring so the customer can make his rent and in the same breath try to sell him something else. Time after time he argues someone down to the cheapest possible price, only to brag about how much he could make on the item, typically a profit of well over 500%.

His father used to run a smaller shop in an even worse part of Detroit. BTW- most shots they show of the city are empty of people. That is a total FAIL city. If you are reading this in Detroit I can only assume you are on your way out. Best of luck.

So in one show he took his family to see the old shop where he worked with his father. Les talked about all the good times he had, all the warm memories the place held. But all the warm memories were about the time a gunman broke into the store and killed someone. He took them to the abandoned building and pointed out, with great care, “this is where I hid from the gunman,” “This is where the body lay,” “that is where the bullet hit the cop.” And those were his warm and fuzzy memories.

Lowlife.

Seth Gold 

Can you see the arrogance?

Seth is a prick with a stick up his ass. He is an uptight jerk.

His biggest problem is that he thinks he knows everything and he thinks he is always right. He thinks he is better than his father and much better than his sister. Years back, his sister Ashley managed the pawn shop but she left to have kids. When she came back, Seth had moved up and he resents her. He is always fighting with her, yelling at her, and running to his daddy to complain about her. As far as dealing with customers he is as cheap as his father but quicker to antagonize them. He gets easily annoyed, tries to be snarky to the customers, they get angry, and he smirks as security takes them outside.

A guy came into the shop to sell his paint guns. They really didn’t want them but told the guy they had to try them out so the gang went out into the parking lot with the guy’s guns and had a paintball fight, using all the guy’s paint pellets and wasting about an hour of his time. When it was over, Seth offered the guy $5. That isn’t a typo, five dollars. Not only did the guy turn it down, he complained, and very rightly so, that all the ammo they used was worth a lot more than that. He left with a net loss.

Prick.

Ashley Gold Broad
“Broad” is her married name, not commentary.
 

Her brother hates her. Her employees are afraid of her. For some reason I like her. I even went out of my way to use an attractive picture of her. She speaks her mind and she is outspoken but upfront and you always know where you stand with her. That said, she is as cheap as the rest of the family and toes the whole “we are here to help you” line. She is in a pretty bad position. It is hard enough dealing with the low-class entities that go to her shop, but she also has to put up with her family’s nonsense. She knows what she is doing, those guys should shut up.

Their customers don’t always have their heads screwed on right. They are always yelling for no reason, cutting lines and starting fights. Have I mentioned that this is in the worst part of Detroit? But the family does themselves no favors by constantly losing things. It seems like in every other episode someone’s items are misplaced or lost, and the Gold’s try to turn their error around on the customers. Somehow it their fault that their property is missing from the stockroom.

The show really just leaves a bad taste in your mouth. They rip off people who have nowhere else to turn. I am trying not to compare this to Pawn Stars but at least the offers are fair on that show. And on Pawn Stars you rarely see transactions for $5 dentures.

I guess the best way to sum it up is to say that on TruTV, a network that shows Operation Repo and Parking Wars, this one has sunk to the bottom of the barrel.

If you’d like more pawn show badness, click here for my review of Pawn Queens.

For even worse shenanigans, check out my review of American Pickers.

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