Tag Archives: Halloween

Oh Man, They Netflixed Me Again! (Netflix 4)

11 Aug

August 11, 2011

Time for another round of “what the heck is Netflix thinking?” This is the game show where we try to find the often incomprehensible links between movie suggestions that Netflix has for me. The prize is usually nothing more than a headache.

Let’s begin.

I certainly enjoyed Terror of Mechagodzilla, and Gojira is a logical suggestion. Problem is, this is “The Original Japanese Masterpiece” and only the recut American version of the film features Raymond Burr as reporter “Steve Martin.” He adds little to the movie but I always get a laugh when someone calls him “Steve Martin.” Halloween is stretching it a bit, but since they both fall, broadly speaking, in the horror genre I can see it. But The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly? Other than Godzilla being both bad and ugly, and in later films turning good, I don’t see it. One is a Japanese Kaiju and the other is a Spaghetti Western. One stars a man in a rubber suit and one stars Clint Eastwood as The Man with No Name. Hmm. Both are genre pictures, both have famous characters in the lead. That’s it? They may as well have suggested Steamboat Willie with Mickey Mouse.

Gunsmoke because I watched Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home? Well, Gunsmoke is a western TV series, and Star Trek IV is based on a TV series that was pitched as “Wagon Train to the stars.” See how simple this is? And by “simple” I really mean “silly.”

I can see the link between The Twilight Zone and Back to the Future, but what do those have in common with Cheers? Broadly speaking, Cheers and Twilight Zone are both TV shows, but that would be like suggesting Sex and the City to a fan of Leave it to Beaver (if you could find one.) And Rocky? Rocky is set in Philadelphia, Cheers is set in Boston, both are historic East Coast cities. Why wouldn’t Rocky fans love Cheers? They have so much else in common, right? Right? But Back to the Future and Cheers? Bif Tannen is as dumb as Woody Boyd. Hey, that’s the best I can do.

So what’s the link between The Creature from the Black Lagoon, Them!, Gunsmoke, and The Odd Couple? Before you scream “absolutely nothing,” notice they were all suggested because I enjoyed Dirty Harry. Dirty Harry and Gunsmoke I can see, and Harry himself, Clint Eastwood, had a bit part in the Creature sequel flick, Revenge of the Creature. As for Them, all I can say is that they shoot a lot guns at the ants. But The Odd Couple? The best I can do is that one of their poker buddies is a cop named Murray and Dirty Harry is a cop. And honestly, I’m feeling pretty good that I came up with anything, even something as tiny and meaningless as that.

Eventually I’ll be back with another round of “what the heck is Netflix thinking?” Hopefully by then I’ll have a printable answer for this:

For more Netflix oddness, check out

I’ve Been Netflixed!

They’ve Netflixed Me Again!

The Tepid Zombie: What Am Netflix Thinking?

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Thanksgiving, the Forgotten Holiday

6 Nov

November 6, 2010

Halloween is over and Thanksgiving is almost here, although you may be more familiar with it by its more common name- Christmas.

Thanksgiving is a forgotten holiday. Oh, it isn’t forgotten in the sense that you wake up on Friday morning, wonder why you have the day off, and hey, shouldn’t there be leftover turkey in the fridge? Trust me- if you get two days off out of your work week you don’t forget Thanksgiving. The thing is that it has been forgotten by the stores. They skipped Thanksgiving, blew past Halloween like poor Charlie Brown and his holey ghost costume weren’t even there, and started Christmas sales right after Jerry Lewis heaved himself home to a big dinner of gravy and pork fat right after his Labor Day begathon. It was quite a sight on September 2nd, seeing a  whole host of fat, sweaty guys in red fur suits dying in the late summer heat. Macy’s had to call in the paramedics the first time a kid sat on Santa’s lap and slipped off due to all the sweat.

Thanksgiving is the forgotten holiday, but what is being forgotten? Bear with me, I am a product of the New York City educational system.

Four score and seven years ago (the score was 3-2 Red Sox) the Pilgrims arrived in America after being booted out of England. They were an odd group of people. They wore black clothes with buckles on their shoes and pointy hats. Sorry, I think those are the Puritans. Those are the guys on the butter tubs, right? Oh, those are the Quakers. So who is on the oatmeal can? Amish? They don’t believe in mirrors, so how did Robert Alden shave?

Anyway, the Pilgrims had some problems with King George. All the Pilgrims wanted to do was worship as they saw fit. King George said “We’ll have no goat marriage in my country!” and threw their goat-loving asses out of his kingdom. You see, America was founded by people who only wanted to worship as they saw fit, and they saw goat marriage as fit. Way to start, USA.

For his part, King George was the Ike Turner of his time. Aside from being a side man in a blues quartet, He smacked around the Pilgrims like Ike smacked Tina and did it all out of love. “Take that Pilgrims!” SMACK! Tea Tax. “Take that Pilgrims!” SMACK! Stamp Act. “I’m only doing it because I love you, colonial baby!” It wasn’t until Tina, I mean the Pilgrims, stood up to him did he turn into a quivering mass of abusive jelly. All the time the Pilgrims were sailing to America he kept sending them love letters and promising to change.

Anyway, the Pilgrims came to America, accompanied by a kick-ass theme song by Neil Diamond, (“They’re coooooming to America, today!”)  on three Cunard Line cruise ships- The Nina, The Pinta, and The Titanic. All but The Titanic made it to America. The Pilgrims were believed to have landed on Plymouth Rock, but new scientific evidence suggests that they actually ran aground on a rusted out ‘58 Chevy.

They were appalled by the lack of working toilets. The local Indians had put “out of order” signs on all the restrooms just out of spite. To get revenge on them, a young George Steinbrenner traded Ron Hassey to the Indians for a player to be named later.

And thus was the first Thanksgiving set up. The Pilgrims first played four college football games against the Indians, and the Pilgrims won all but one, the Detroit game.

To celebrate their victory, they invited the Indians over for a big dinner. This meal included “maize,” which the Indians claim means corn but is actually Ute Indian for “look at how stupid white man eats this horse dung.” They also had roast beef, carrots, imported caviar, something the nearby Dutch settlers called “blunts” and lots and lots of sirloin steak. The myth that they ate turkey was invented by the Turkey Industry Ad Council in 1958, when a young ad executive needed a way to boost slumping turkey sales.

Today Thanksgiving is little more than a bump in the road to Christmas, which, according to my calendar, starts on February 21st next year. 

Disgruntled turkeys have tough meat. Use extra gravy.

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