Tag Archives: Gabe Kaplan

Groovy Fun With Fashion, By “Tiger” Keyes

13 Aug

August 13, 2012

Allen Keyes is off on vacation this week climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro. In the meantime, please enjoy this rare presentation of his first printed work, from the June 1978 issue of Discotheque Magazine

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Groovy Fun With Fashion, By “Tiger” Keyes

Hello all you cats and kittens! It’s my deepest pleasure to be writing for you all today. It gives me such happiness to put words to paper. My friends Bill G. and Steve J. keep trying to get me interested in something called Telenet. I don’t know what that is. Man, they keep going on and on about how it works computers and stuff like that. Writing for large audiences over a computer? Heh heh oh man…..it will never catch on. I keep telling them they need to make the scene at the disco instead of playing in the garage with those circuit boards. Man, I’d rather dance! My lapels are wide, my suit is tight, my platforms are this high! Computers? By 1980 we’ll have forgotten all about them. But it’s all good, right amigos and amigas? We have this fine magazine, we have each other, we have disco (FOREVER!!!!!!) and I have a fashion roundup for all of you.

Karate Man

Righteous outfit brother…..righteous. Obviously inspired by the man himself:

 

That’s what I’m talking about boys and girls! Look at that comfortable gi! Everyone is going to want one of those. So comfortable, so loose and convenient! I predict that the recreational karate gi is going to become the most popular garment in the afro community within the next 5 years. This is going to usher in a whole golden age of black karate in the United States, I guarantee it.

These jumpsuits have a vaguely Mideastern flair to them

 

Speaking of the middle-east, as I write this I hear on my transistor earbud that the Ayatollah is returning home to Iran. I have a feeling that this is going to spark a whole new era of US-Iran friendship. I hope so, it costs me $11 dollars to fill up my Impala’s tank! Godspeed Ayatollah, our good friend!

Anyway, getting back to the ads above – the suits are hip, but for the guy I’d recommend he do something about his facial hair. Hey guy, just some friendly advice, grow it out a bit. It looks a drop thin. The bunnies love something to hang onto during the shag, wink wink! Gentleman, I suggest this be the facial hair that you aspire to:

 

See? And that shirt he’s wearing is really caposhi!

The Executive Look

 

Ace! As my man Chico says, “looo-king Goood!”  Ride on Plaid Stallions, ride on brothers. That’s what I’m talking about. This is how the man dresses, dig? That double-knit polyester gives a nice, unwrinkled look. A suit is no good without a nice sheen to it. And those dress shirts! It’s like the old days at the Court of Versailles – the more ruffles you have, the more power you have. I only have a training ruffle right now, but by this time next year I plan to have at least two.

You look at these well-dressed Cassanovas above, then you look at a square like this Reagan guy!

 

A cowboy hat? What a grueler! He’s so not with it! And this hombre thinks he can run for President in 1980? HA! Gonna be a Carter landslide my friends. Easy. This guy will fade into obscurity soon enough.

Colder Than a Deuce

 

One word describes that sweater: GROOOOO-VY! I always wanted my grandma to knit me some winter wear, but this is the next best thing. I want to rush out right this second and beef up my wardrobe. Others may show up with bigger lapels or wider jean flairs or hairier chests (I shave my chest hair in the form of an eagle, when the ladies see it I tell them if they like that they should see the nest!) but belted sweaters are always hard to beat. 

The best thing about this piece? It looks nice and warm. You can wear these threads to chilly Lake Placid to see the Olympics. Wear that bad boy to the Ice Hockey tournament, where you can watch the Russian Team cruise to the gold. They have the world’s best goalie in Tretiak, and they’re just an overall powerhouse. What do we have, a bunch of college kids? They’ll be lucky to get even one win. I’d lay heavy bread on it.

 

Douglas Bull

 

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a real man. Ready for action…..anywhere, anytime. This is the look I’ve been trying to perfect for a few years now, but I lack this gentleman’s finely chiseled physique. The only problem I have with this outfit is the shirt! Lose the shirt man. Show the world what us Doug Bulls are all about!

This cat puts me in mind of master thespian Burt Reynolds. He was just on the cover of People:

 

I love Burt. He’s the best actor of our generation. I just read that he’s agreed to star in Smokey and the Bandit 2! That’s exciting news! Sure to be the box office hit of next year, I just hope that Emipre Strikes Back film gets pushed back to make way for this hit. Star Wars….*snort* It’s just a passing fad. Smokey and the Bandit, now that’s a franchise that has legs! Why the premise alone is so good, I bet that they can even do one without the Bandit himself! The only change I’d make would be to get rid of Jackie Gleason as Sherriff Justice. What a hack that guy is. Gabe Kaplan, now THERE’S the guy who should be playing Smokey!

 

Off to boogie……

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Groucho Marx, circa 1976-1977

16 Dec

December 16, 2010

The 1970’s were a great time to be Groucho Marx.

Unless you were Groucho Marx.

Groucho died on August 18, 1977, at the age of 86. By all accounts he was unhappy in his personal life, although his career had undergone a celebratory resurgence. By some accounts, he may have been a bit senile. It was generally understood then as well as now that he was being pushed past the point of what was physically good for his health by his much younger companion, Erin Fleming. Groucho, thrice divorced, was 86. Fleming was 35. By the 1980’s, several lawsuits brought against her by the Marx estate were settled in the estate’s favor, including a payment of nearly a half million dollars to Arthur Marx, Groucho’s son.

While Groucho’s health was on a downswing, leaving the comedian thin and gaunt, his voice nearly a whisper, his image and humor had become a cultural touchstone. Some of the biggest stars of the biggest sitcoms of the 1970’s were huge fans and it was not unusual for Groucho and Marx Brothers impressions to turn up on television. Groucho had become a cultural touchstone for a new generation who discovered him in late night movies.


From M*A*S*H, episode Yankee Doodle Doctor: 

 

Alan Alda, Gary Burghoff, Marcia Strassman, Wayne Rogers

From All in the Family, episode Where’s Archie? part 1:

 

Rob Reiner, Betty Garrett, Jean Stapleton

Welcome Back Kotter featured Gabe Kaplan’s Groucho impression in nearly every episode, and Robert Hegyes patterned his performance on Chico. Here are the two of them portraying the Brothers on stage for Gabe Kaplan’s Groucho stage show.

Gabe Kaplan, Robert Hegyes

While Groucho seemed to be all over television, at least in the form of his persona, the real Groucho was set to make a guest appearance on Welcome Back Kotter. Kotter, it should be noted, also starred Marcia Strassman, who was part of the Yankee Doodle Doctor M*A*S*H hijinks a few years earlier. Now just a few months before his death, Groucho had to be helped onto the Kotter set, where the audience, expecting the grease paint mustache, duck walk, and rapid-fire zingers of his younger days did not recognize him and even the cast was shocked by his appearance. Robert Hegyes, especially, was affected, wondering aloud how he could go on with the show and do his usual Chico Marx impression after seeing Groucho that way. The cameo was nixed and only a few publicity photos were taken with the cast. However, Groucho’s appearance was so disturbing that the pictures have never been released.

Groucho’s last appearance, one year previously at age 85, was a one and a half-minute sketch with George Burns (then 80 years old himself) on a 1976 Bob Hope television special. The program demonstrated with both perfect genius and utter sadness the two sides of Groucho in the 1970’s. On the one hand we see the real, frail Groucho, sitting on a chair and feeding straight lines to George Burns in a raspy whisper. On the other hand is Billy Barty, dressed as Groucho in his prime, wearing grease paint features, smoking a cigar, and chasing women. It seems that the producers felt that without Barty in the sketch as Groucho “as a young boy” no one would recognize the real Groucho Marx.

Check the sketch out here, at about the 18:20 mark, until YouTube takes it down again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-_T3H-DS1w

hope, burns, marx

Groucho had lived long enough to be eclipsed by his own legend. A legend which, unlike Groucho, had not aged in 40 years.

Thank you, Captain Spaulding. Goodbye, Doctor Hackenbush. Rest in Peace Rufus T. Firefly. This is how we’ll remember you:

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