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Who is the best 1970’s television role model? FINAL ROUND!

19 Jan

January 18, 2010

Who is the best 1970’s television role model?

Round Three was a hard fought brawl between two icons of justice, Barnaby Jones and Abe Vigoda. Despite heavy Geritol use and accusations of Viagra-juicing, the clear winner was Fish, setting up our

FINAL ROUND
THREE-WAY
WINNER-TAKE-ALL
BRAWL-FOR-IT -ALL:
Esther Rolle        Vs.     “The Man”        Vs. The Fish                               
“panties”                 “Which way to the Wonka-crapper?”    First GQ cover

Before declaring a winner, let’s take a final look at our contestants.

I’m not sure what is going on in this picture, but JJ sure looks uncomfortable. Any minute I expect Chris Hansen to walk out of Thelma’s bedroom and offer some lemonade.

Here we see Jack “The Man” Albertson in a scene from the 1977 made-for TV movie, “Not Without my Psoriasis,” which exposed the then-little known danger of moles and skin lesions.

For decades, Abe Vigoda has been plagued by rumors of his death. These rumors began in 1978, when he actually died, and later came back as a mummy.

Here we see him attending his own funeral:

Before we reveal the winner, what does the Best 1970’s TV Role Model win? This fabulous trophy!

No, not those fabulous trophies, this fabulous trophy:

Before we reveal the winner, let’s take a look at two men who almost made the finals.

 QUINCY, M.E.

Quincy was ruled ineligible when it was discovered that he used performance enhancing drugs and lied to Congress during the MLB steroid inquiry.

 FRED MERTZ

Despite having died in 1966, we wanted to include him for the memorable TVLand commercial that featured his pants.

 Yes, his pants.

AND THE WINNER IS:

 WHITMAN MAYO!

Whitman Mayo?

Yes, Whitman Mayo.
Whitman Mayo: Sanford and Son’s Grady.
Whitman Mayo:  Diff’rent Strokes mean Uncle Jethro, who tried to take Willis and Arnold away from Mr. Whitey, er, I mean Drummund.
Whitman Mayo: Star of …

 Crash Corrigan Meets The Kelp Men


This serial is also notable as the first clothed appearance of porn star Monte Blue.

In this serial, Whitman Mayo spent 13 spine-tingling chapters evading this tin can robot:


Eventually, Whitman Mayo defeated the robots with a device that looked suspiciously like a cross between a fishing pole and a view master. In Chapter Eleven, Flaming Death, Mayo cemented his status as the Best TV Role Model of the 1970’s when he first uttered the immortal words that would become his catchphrase, “Great Googly Moogly!”

That locution, that seedy beard, that eerie resemblance to Wally “Famous” Amos, truly, the Best TV Role Model of the 1970’s!

One can only wonder what would happen if he were pitted against the Best TV Role Model of the 1980’s…..

NOT COMING SOON:

Who Has The Best TV Mustache?

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1970’s TV Role Models

1 Jan

January 1, 2010

It is the New Year, a time for reflection. I find myself thinking back on the many things I did and did not accomplish over the past twelve months. One thing sticks out, and for my own peace of mind, it is time to answer the question

Who is the best 1970’s television role model?

Round One

MABEL KING VS. ESTHER ROLLE

WHAT’S HAPPENING? Vs. GOOD TIMES

Mama was the semi-rotund mother of Dee and Raj, and by extension the mother of their friends, Dwayne and Rerun, who smelled so bad that his odor lingered in a room ten minutes after he left, hence his name. Mama worked as a housekeeper during the day and exotic dancer at night. Mama’s style of parenting was the “threaten to kill” style, and Dee would often taunt Raj with “ohhhhhh, Mama’s gonna kill you and dismember your corpse!” (Raj, by the way, is short for Rajer. Sigh.) Her husband, played by Thalmus Rasulala, had walked out on her years earlier. He was a womanizer and a gambler. He is seen here, sexing it up with Pam Grier.

On the other hand, he did manage to destroy Blacula in the film named, coincidentally, Blacula. Any man who could banish the immortal William Marshall could not have been that bad a husband.

NOTE: When searching for Mabel King, do not confuse her with professional wrestler King Mabel, though there is a slight resemblance.

Esther Rolle played Miami Florida, and her biggest challenge was her son JJ:

In some episodes JJ delivered chicken for a restaurant and he wore a chicken on his head. No stereotype there, mover along.

Miami also had an absent husband. James had died some years earlier when working on the Alaskan Pipeline. During a freak snowstorm, James drove his truck into the lair of an angry polar bear and neither made it out alive. It was a very close thing, however, as this is what the bear had to face:

His body was never recovered, and many suspect a CIA cover-up, as months later an “Admiral James” took a high level cabinet position.

It was never clear what Miami did for a living, though she sometimes left the house early in the morning and returned late at night. Eventually she remarried this man,

known on the professional golf circuit as Buffalo Woods.

In the final analysis, the contest between Mabel King and Esther Rolle comes down to intelligence, and Esther Rolle was smart enough to leave her show, at least until the producers lured her back with more money.

WINNER: ESTHER ROLLE

Coming Soon: Round Two: “The Man” Vs. Epstein

Barnaby Jones

Abe Vigoda

Crest Cavity Creeps

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