Tag Archives: fire

Nature’s Revenge

26 Mar

March 26, 2013

news roundup week!

Thanks to Allan Keyes for tipping me off to this.
All week I’m featuring news items from around the world, culminating in an Imponderable from New Zealand this friday. We’ll be visiting Africa and Japan this week, but today we stick to the good ‘ol USA, and there is no state that says USA more than Texas.

snake1

Never mind snakes on a plane, these snakes are a-flame! (Hey, I know that stinks. Give me a break. You try doing this.)

This was not the most well thought out woman in the world. She saw a snake in her yard, so her natural reaction was to douse it gasoline and set it on fire. Makes perfect sense to me. I’m sure this woman panicked because:

A- the snake was a poisonous Black Mamba, which is indigenous to Africa and never, ever, seen in Texas
B- she thought the snake was an assassin. When asked, the snake replied “I’m a soldier, to which the woman said “You’re neither. You’re an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.”
C- the woman was just stupid

Personally, I think she overreacted. The proper thing for a Texan to do upon spotting a snake is to trample it with his herd of cattle.

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A Thanksgiving Public Service Announcement:

19 Nov

November 19, 2012

Yeah, turkey is kind of bland and dry, and unless it’s accompanied by a large side order of football, kind of boring.  And yeah, EVERYTHING deep-fried is delicious. So it follows logically many will try to deep fry their turkeys this Thanksgiving.  Why is this a potentially bad idea? I’ll let Fireman Freddy (NOT his real name!) explain to you:

So if you must have your turkey in deep-fried goodness, please do it responsibly! We want all of our readers to be back here next week complaining about how their creepy uncle got drunk and inappropriate  and the bratty kids ate all the cranberry sauce that you were planning on throwing onto your gigantic “thanksgiving on a bun” sandwich that you always have for breakfast the day after while everyone else is in a deep food coma, and how the freakin’ Lions didn’t cover the spread AGAIN….I mean all they had to do was kick the field goal instead of trying for that touchdown! WHY MATTHEW STAFFORD? WHY?!!!!!!!!!!! I LOST ALL THE CHRISTMAS PRESENT MONEY ON THAT GAME OH NO……..NOW I HAVE TO SELL MY BLOOD FOR PRESENTS AGAIN…..*deep breath*

Now lest you think me sentimental, let us all laugh in horror at some deep-fried turkeys gone very, very wrong. HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE! Special bonus at the bottom of this post!

 

SPECIAL THANKSGIVING DAY PRE-REQUISITE BONUS!!!!!

 

 

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