Tag Archives: Daffy Duck

“Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot.” Kinda stupid too.

27 May

May 27, 2011

“Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot.”- Batman

“It was murder, Sam!”- Quincy M.D.

Tonight we are not dealing with arch-criminals. No Happy Face Killers, no Nazis hiding out in Argentina, not even a Shropshire Slasher. Tonight we deal with some lesser lights of the murder fraternity. Oh, they are no less dangerous, just a whole lot dumber.

You may be wondering about this man’s lawyer. (I am wondering about what lawyer takes a case like this to begin with, but I guess that is why America holds attorneys in such high regard.)

The prosecutors, Vince Paciera and Jackie Maloney, argued he faked his illnesses.

Doyle testified against the advice of his attorneys and said he had no remorse for what he did to Lee. He said he had no sympathy for her or her family. And he lashed out at the jury.

“I hate every last one of you, especially him right there,” he said pointing to a man on the panel. “I wish I could cut his head off.”

At another point in his testimony, he said, “If I had an AK-47 (assault rifle), I’d kill every last one of you.”

The jury of three men and nine women deliberated just under two hours.

What took them so long?

This guy is so high tech he even tracked his ex-girlfriend with a hidden GPS device. He harassed her via email and as you might expect, he met her on an online dating site.

(Please do not confuse this man with the Russian composer of the same name.)

A bit of ‘net searching came across this:

Online dating is an increasingly popular way to meet people, and many Americans even end up finding true love and getting married to someone that they met online. Still, any online activity carries a little risk due to the anonymous nature of web interactions. Therefore, it is important to know what to expect during your foray into the Internet’s various dating sites and personals forums.

1.40 million Americans say that they use at least one online dating service.
2.10 percent of all accounts on free online dating sites are spammers, ‘bots, or scam artists.
3.Profiles with photos get over twice as many responses.
4.Online dating is an increasingly popular way to meet your future spouse.
5.Canadians are more active in online dating communities than any other nationality. (I swear that is only a coincidence and I am in no way attacking Canada. Though if I did I could probably take them 2 out of 3.)
6.People over 45 are increasingly turning to the internet to find a partner.

“A little risk?” Nowhere on that list does it say that you may end up murdered.

And that leads us to

He used PayPal? Really? And how about the website owner? Is there no honor among thieves?

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JetBlue and the Incredible Flight Attendant Getaway

10 Aug

August 10, 2010

“Few men of action have been able to make a graceful exit at the appropriate time.”
Malcolm Muggeridge

“Hello I must be going”
Groucho Marx

It isn’t hard to make a great entrance. Timing, dress, the right moment. Whole weddings are designed around the bride’s entrance. It’s something we all try- do it right, and people remember.

Of course, it is a bit harder to make a great exit. You want to end on a high note, or leave ’em laughing.

Daffy Duck, famously, made a grand exit, but he could only do it once.

But he had nothing on this guy:

Steve Slater, the JetBlue Hater!

Meet Steve Slater.

JetBlue flight attendant, and winner of the GREATEST EXIT EVER AWARD!

The story begins on Monday at JFK airport, New York. Shockingly, to the surprise of everyone, a flight landed on time. Yes, really!

The plane taxied to the terminal and came to a stop, but the pilot had not yet given the signal for the passengers to get out of their seats. Of course, that never stopped anyone. If you’ve been crammed on a plane for hours on end you take any chance you can get to stretch, especially if you are on the ground and motionless. One passenger stood up and started taking his bag out of the overhead compartment.

Well, that just didn’t sit right with Steward Extraordinaire Steven Slater.

Steven Slater, moments before the fun began

“Sit down please.”

No response.

He came a bit closer “Sir, the pilot hasn’t given the signal, sit down please.”

No response.

“Sir, I -OOOFF!”

At that moment, the passenger wrestled his bag out of the overhead, which came down and hit Slater on the head. The two men got into an argument during which, according to witnesses, the passenger called Slater “a mo-fo.”

Sounds like a great Jerry Springer moment. Seriously, how angry can you be if the best you can come up with is “mo-fo”? Even Michael Richards did better, but we all know what happened to him.

So anyway, just seconds after being called a “mo-fo,” Steven Slater ran to the front of the cabin, and thus begins the GREATEST EXIT EVER!

He picked up the intercom and cursed out all the passengers,
threw open the emergency exit and the inflatable ramp,
grabbed two beers from the galley and slide down the emergency slide,
ran to the employee parking lot, jumped in his car, and sped off.

Allegedly, he yelled “There goes 28 years!” and “yippee!” as he slid.

Now that is a show! No one on that plane will ever forget it!

Police found him at his home, having sex with his boyfriend, where I’m sure another unforgettable exit was in the making.

Whhheeeeeeee!

My thanks to Thomas Stazyk for noting the uncanny resemblance to controller Jacobs from Airplane!

Any many thanks to Jodi Applegate for coining the name “The Jet-Blunatic.” Classic!

While there is no clear video of the incident available, here is Louie CK with an unforgettable aerial exit of his own:

 

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