Tag Archives: Cryptoid

In Search of… The Roswell UFO Crash

3 Nov

November 3, 2010

 

It is the most famous UFO incident in the annals of extraterrestrial research, and it all began with a farmer who had to pee.

On the night of June 14th, 1947, a farmhand named William Ware “Mack” or “Mac” Brazel wandered far afield looking for a tall bush that needed some watering. Finding one, he also found some strange wreckage. Brazel told the Roswell Daily Record that he and his son saw a “large area of bright wreckage made up of rubber strips, tinfoil, a rather tough paper and sticks.” They were also wet, a fact which an embarrased “Mack” or “Mac” soon cleared up.

However, rumors soon started, rumors of a mundane explanation to the mystery of the odd debris. Headlines blared the discovery of an ordinary weather balloon. 

This set off a firestorm of controversy- what was the Air Force up to? What strange experiments were they conducting in the skies? Why were weather balloons floating over Rosewell?

Soon everyone wanted to see the wreckage- the scotch tape, the rubber bands, the tin foil and paper. So many people demanded to see the weather balloon debris, and so many questions were asked, that, rather than reveal the existance of Air Force Prioject Mogul, (the Weather Dominator) the Air Force released a cover story, that a UFO had crashed on a Roswell farm. They retracted the weather ballooon claim and insisted that the wreckage was from an unidentifed flying object.

No one believed it.

The Air force even went so far as to issue a press release stating that a crashed flying disc had been recovered on a remote farm. They hinted that bodies had been recoverd. Major Jesse Marcel would, years later, still claim that the debris was a UFO.

Again, no one believed it.

Why would the Air Force cover up the crash of a weather balloon with the far-fetched story of a UFO crash? Until today, no one knew the full story behind Project Mogul. Here is the complete story, discovered through several Freedom of Information requests.

PROJECT MOGUL
A.K.A. G.I. Joe: The Revenge of Cobra (The Weather Dominator)
JUNE 14th, 1947
ROSWELL NEW MEXICO

Part 1 “In the Cobra’s Pit”   
Cobra attacks G.I. Joe convoy and steals a high-powered experimental laser. During the battle to protect the laser, both Duke and Snake Eyes are captured by Cobra agents. Once back at Cobra’s base, Destro uses the laser to complete his latest weapon… the Weather Dominator. (PROJECT MOGUL) When Flint and the other Joes launch an air assault and rescue mission, Destro uses the device, and it’s stormy skies ahead for the Joe team. 

Part 2 “The Vines of Evil”
Cobra Commander’s has Duke and Snake-Eyes fight each other in a gladiatorial combat in his Arena of Sport. Cobra plans to assault Washington D.C., but Duke and Snake-Eyes send a Morse code to the Joes. The Joes successfully defend D.C., but destroy the weather device by splitting it into three pieces scattered globally. Weather patterns all over the world are in havoc; G.I. Joe and Cobra begin expeditions to recover the shattered device. 

Part 3 “The Palace of Doom”
Cobra and the Joes head for “The Palace of Doom”, an alleged cursed Aztec temple in ROSWELL NEW MEXICO  to retrieve the first fragment, the ion correlator. Cutter, Wild Bill and Spirit along with Doc, Torpedo, Clutch and Rock ‘n Roll head to an unstable island in the Pacific called the Island of No Return to retrieve another fragment, the Hydro Master, and are opposed by the Baroness, Firefly and Zartan. The Joes retrieve the corrolator, but they lose the fragment to Cobra during an earthquake.

Part 4 “Battle on the Roof of the World”
On the Island of No Return, Spirit saves Stormshadow from drowning while escaping from an underground river. In return for his heroism, Stormshadow allows Spirit to keep the fragment. Flint, Lady Jaye, Snow Job, Spirit, Gung-Ho, MAJOR JESSE MARCEL and Shipwreck head to the North Pole to retrieve the third fragment, The Laser Core, and are opposed by Destro and Zartan. Zartan finds the 3rd fragment, and he blackmails the Joes and Cobra that the final fragment will belong to the highest bidder. 

Part 5 “Amusement Park of Terror”
Zartan broadcasts an unsecure message to the Joes and Cobra offering to bargain for his particular fragment. Both sides trace his call to an amusement park. Cobra captures Zartan, and now they possess all the pieces of the Weather Dominator since Stormshadow sneaked into Joe HQ and stole their fragment. Duke and company raid the Cobra Command center as Roadblock uses vines to attack Destro. The Joes are able to destroy the weather dominator, rescue Duke and company and apprehend Cobra Commander. Destro and Zartan escape on a hang-glider. 

So now, more than sixty years later, Mr. Blog can confirm that the infamous crash of a UFO in Roswell New Mexico was little more than the cover story for a pivotal battle between G.I. Joe, America’s elite forces, and the evil of Cobra and Destro. The debris found was from the ion correlator fragment of Project Mogul, a project so secret that it was known only to America’s special forces. The citizens of Roswell can rest proud, knowing that their small town played a pivotal part in keeping America free of Cobra Commander’s despotic terrorism.

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In Search of… Sasquatch

19 Oct

October 19, 2010

This is the fourth in a series of in-depth and hard-hitting exposés of some of the legendary creatures of cryptozoology. Previous reports focused on the chupacabra, the Loch Ness Monster, and the Monkey Man of New Delhi.

Sasquatch. Yeti. Abominable Snowman. Skunk Ape. Bruce Vilanch.. Legends of unknown and unexplained tall and hairy ape-like hominids have been reported around the world. Even a short list is a lot to type:

Could this be the Canadian Nuk-luk?

Almas – Mongolia
Amomongo – Philippines
Ban-manush – Bangladesh
Barmanou – Afghanistan and Pakistan
Batutut – Vietnam
Bigfoot – North America
Chuchunya – Siberia
Fear liath – Scotland
Fouke Monster – America
Grassman – America
Hibagon – Japan
Mande Barung – India
Mapinguari – South America
Momo the Monster – America
Nuk-luk – Canada
Orang Mawas – Malaysia
Orang Pendek – Indonesia
Skunk ape – America
Yeren – China
Yowie – Australia

Frankly, that’s too much territory. We’ll focus on Sasquatch. Why? Because I live in North America and that makes us neighbors. It would be very embarrassing if the Sasquatch decided to drop by unexpectedly, even more so if he didn’t exist.

Habitat

Native American lore is full of stories about creatures resembling descriptions of Sasquatch across the country. These giant ape-like people were supposedly here before the arrival of the Indians. They lived as one with nature. The Indians traded with them and respected their areas. Some even regarded the Sasquatch as gods. However, by the time the Europeans arrived, there was no trace of the Sasquatch. No explanation has yet been found for the Sasquatch’s disappearance, but it is worth noting that the in the native Hekawi language, “sasquatch” means “burgers.”

Sasquatch, or Bigfoot, can be found almost anywhere in the United States and Canada. They usually stay in remote wooded areas, though when around humans they try to blend into their surroundings. This Bigfoot was found at a monster truck rally.

However, not all Sasquatch are as patriotic and most do not display the flag.

Proponents of Sasquatch point to what they call the overwhelming proof: footprints, photos, films, audio recordings, and eyewitness accounts. Skeptics point to the facts that no one has captured a living Sasquatch, found a dead Sasquatch or the remains of a Sasquatch, and all the photos seem to be pretty bad fakes. Pro-Sasquatch supporters retort that we’ve yet to see the change President Obama promised but many still believe in that too.

The Patterson Film.

This is the most famous evidence of the Sasquatch. According to Roger Patterson, he was walking through the woods near his home in California when he saw what he believed to be a female Sasquatch walking through the growth. Grabbing his movie camera, he shot some of the most well known images of Bigfoot. The short film, less than two minutes in duration, has been analyzed more times than the Erin Andrews peephole video. Although most agree that the film was untouched, scientists were split. Some said the film was undoctored and showed a Sasquatch. Others said it was undoctored but showed a man in an ape suit. In 2006 a consensus was reached that film was real and untouched, but did not show either a Bigfoot or a man in an ape suit. It was Michael Moore.

Of course, the bigger mystery is, why was Roger Patterson stalking Michael Moore? Conspiracy theories abound, the most likely of which is that Patterson just became sick of Moore’s wacko nonsense.

What else do we know about the Sasquatch?

The Bigfoot is often misidentified. Commonly mistaken for it are bears, Chewbacca, and professional wrestlers.

Perhaps a potentially plausible primitive primate possibility?

Gigantopithecus

This was a giant primate that lived in China thousands of years ago. Somehow, it spread throughout the world and has become the basis of the Yeti, Sasquatch, Vilanch, etc legends. How did it do this without being seen? Beats me.

A final word.

Prof. Hubert J. Farnsworth: Bunk! Bunk, I say! Bring me a bag full of Bigfoot’s droppings or shut up!
Ranger Park: I have the droppings of someone who saw Bigfoot.
(Futurama)

That sums up the Sasquatch debate as neatly as anything else I’ve heard.

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