Tag Archives: Clay Aiken

A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO CLAY AIKEN

14 Nov

from February 29, 2008

A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO CLAY AIKEN
FROM THE EDITORIAL STAFF OF
MR. BLOG’S TEPID RIDE

We at Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride (“Home of the Nearly OK Blog”) have always striven to give you, the consumer and avid reader, a high-quality and entertaining product.

Whether it is the musings of our foreign policy advisor “Mr. Know-It-All,” (Bruce E. Freedkin) or the helpful kitchen hints of Breakfast Betty, the editorial staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride has always been satisfied with the level of wholesome morality presented under our banner.

However, we feel that the recent posting by “Ace Rocker: DAMAGED SATELLITE” did not meet our rigorous journalistic standards. In fact, the latest blog concerning Mr. Clay Aiken has generated a large volume of mail, all of it negative, and it reinforces our position that certain statements and inferences contained therein must be addressed.

It should, however, be admitted that “Ace Rocker” made certain valid points. While it is true that Mr. Aiken has not released an album of late, nor has he toured or even sang at a relative’s birthday party, it was scurrilous at best to imply that he has been “tapping his foot in a men’s room.” While allegations about Mr. Aiken’s sexuality have been circulated for years, and numerous men have made allegations of late night encounters, and dozens of pictures of Mr. Aiken have appeared online apparently and graphically showing Mr. Aiken engaged in homosexual acts with several masked cowboys, it is not and will not be the place of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride to further any rumors or pass idle gossip along to the reading public. We thrive upon the trust of the people.

The Editors, staff, and writers of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride all join in apologizing herewith, and publicly, to Mr. Aiken, his life partner, his assless leather chap-wearing friends, and the public, for the blog posted under the byline of “Ace Rocker.”

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A Product We All Need

14 Nov

from February 28, 2008

SPAM(ALOT) BLOCKER- This is to block the ads for Spamalot that seem to be all over TV, but especially all over The People’s Court that my TiVo records for me everyday. (Yes, I TiVo The People’s Court and Judge Judy. Got a problem with that?) Now I’m all for Spamalot and would love to see it, being a big Python fan and all, but jeez, just because they got Clay Aiken in the play they feel like they have to shout it all over the airwaves. Like it was hard to get Clay Aiken. What else did he have on his agenda, tap his foot in the men’s room, if you know what I mean? It isn’t like he was busy writing his Grammy acceptance speech. And look how far the Pythons have fallen. Clay Aiken should be a target of their satire, not a star in their play. I understand that Clay’s understudy is the guy who just missed out on being the Maytag repair man

And speaking of Clay Aiken, (and how often does anyone say that, like never?) isn’t it about time he became a one-name celebrity? OK, stop laughing, I know he’s not a celebrity, but isn’t it about time he became known simply as “Clayken?” It just rolls of the tongue. Go on, say it- “Clayken.” Hey, I’ll even write it out in big motivational capital letters- CLAYKEN. Sounds like an industrial waste company doesn’t it? “Clayken Industrial Waste and Portable Toilet Service, meeting all of Northern Kentucky’s waste needs since 1983.”

Was I too hard on him? (INSERT YOUR OWN HOMOSEXUAL HARD JOKE HERE)

Nah, he’s pretty untalented.

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