Tag Archives: China

Medical Milestones

28 Jun

June 28, 2011

Primum non nocere is Latin for “first, do no harm.”

Nonmaleficence, which derives from the maxim, is one of the principal precepts of medical ethics that all medical students are taught in medical school and is a fundamental principle for emergency medical services around the world. Another way to state  it is that “given an existing problem, it may be better not to do something, or even to do nothing, than to risk causing more harm than good.” It reminds the physician and other health care providers that they must consider the possible harm that any intervention might do. It is invoked when debating the use of an intervention that carries an obvious risk of harm but a less certain chance of benefit.

With that lofty sentiment in mind, let us turn to the world of medicine with the intention of celebrating the true milestones of that noble profession, and the eminent men and women who day in and day out live by the precept of “first, do no harm.”

Is there any more noble calling than to give a man the miracle of a functioning anus? One can certainly imagine the horrible suffering in his daily life that the unidentified man had to go through, to “squeeze stools out with his hands.” If I were that man, I would certainly like to be unidentified too. For this we salute you, oh practitioner of the surgical arts. I am sure you never expected anything like this when you went to medical school.

If it is true that those also serve who stand and wait, it is certainly true that those also serve who stand behind the clipboards and wait for the tests to get back from the lab. I am referring to the medical researchers, those men and women, the modern-day Pierre and Marie Curies, without whom no advances in medicine would ever be made.

Also known as the “Innie/Outie Inquiry,” the Belly Button Biodiversity Project has added volumes to the literature devoted to the human navel. It is hoped that one day it will actually be read. One can only imagine the millions of Federal tax dollars that went into the common-sense discovery that an old man’s belly button is different than a young girl’s. We may scoff, we may adopt an attitude of aloof superiority or at best, indifference, but still we must also acknowledge and applaud the supreme effort, persistence, and sheer creativity that went into getting that grant approved.

However, some heroes go unrecognized. For many, the act of helping their fellow man is the only reward for which they strive. Truly, it is the anonymous man who performs CPR to an accident victim or the battlefield nurse who performs first aid under fire who deserve our acclaim and our respect. These are but two of the unsung heroes of whom I speak.

We may never know the identity of these Angels of Mercy, but be sure that their victims, sorry, patients, will forever have a place for them in their hearts. For these enema enthusiasts and dietary pill pushers, glory, fame, and police attention are the last things they crave. Wealth and fame they’ve ignored. Helping their fellow man in the privacy of an abandoned office away from prying eyes is their reward. 

It is our hope that these Medical Milestones will one day find their proper due in the annals and journals of their professional colleagues, for “first, do no harm” comes second only to “pay at the desk on your way out.”

Your Honor, I move for dismissal on the grounds that the movie sucked.

4 Nov

November 4, 2010

Coming up is a story that you’d expect came straight from the United States, where it is every citizen’s right to file ridiculous lawsuits and waste the court’s time with nonsense. In fact, it has been estimated that if all frivolous lawsuits were dismissed immediately, and no further frivolous lawsuits filed, the entire legal load of merited cases could be handled by Judge Judy in a single afternoon, leaving the Supreme Court free to do what it does best, which is age at an alarming rate.

Of course not every lawsuit is frivolous, just ask these fine folks who filed suit, as found in The Huffington Post:

  • In 1991 Richard Overton tried to sue Anheuser-Busch for $10,000 because upon drinking copious amounts of Bud Light, beautiful women didn’t come to life in a tropical setting, as shown in the commercials.
  • Allen Heckard had a unique problem: people constantly told him he looked like basketball star Michael Jordan. Except Heckard saw it a bit differently, Michael Jordan looked like him. Naturally, he decided to sue Jordan and Nike for $832 million for his “emotional pain and suffering.”
  • In 1995, Robert Lee Brock attempted to sue himself for $5 million claiming he violated his own civil rights by getting intoxicated and committing crimes. He was serving a 23 year prison sentence at the time and thought the state would have to pay because he was incarcerated.

So obviously the legal system is pretty busy these days.

This problem is not unique to America. This story comes from China, where if they saw what passes for Chinese food in this country they would have a good laugh:

A lawyer in Xian, China, filed a lawsuit in September against a movie house and film distributor for wasting her time — because she was exposed to 20 minutes of advertisements that began at the posted time for the actual movie to begin. Ms. Chen Xiaomei is requesting a refund (equivalent of about $5.20) plus damages of an equal amount, plus the equivalent of about 15 cents for “emotional” damages — plus an apology. [The Guardian (London), 9-8-10]

Are you as shocked as I am? Imagine- only $5.20 for a movie! OK, she sat through some commercials, big deal. I sat through Starship Troopers and I paid around $8 for that. Other lousy films I paid to see were Batman and Robin and Any Given Sunday. Trust me, if anyone deserves to be sued it is Oliver Stone for that cinematic piece of crap. And Starship Troopers? If you voluntarily rent this film knowing that it is near the pinnacle of Casper Van Dien’s craft you deserve what you get. But this when he was only a new bad actor, not an established bad actor. I was young, I was naive, I was disgusted that the film wanted me to root for the Nazis.

But I digress.

I actually think that Ms. Chen Xiaomei should consider herself lucky. Not only would that film have cost around $12 in America ($145.50 in NYC, $195.50 for 3D) but while waiting for the commercials to end she would have likely consumed here entire 7.50 bucket of popcorn and 7.50 large soda. (Of course, she could have easily saved some cash by purchasing one of the theater’s combos, where the soda and popcorn would have only cost her $15.)  That amounts to $27 even before the coming attractions, and of course doesn’t take into account a date, which this female attorney didn’t seem to have.

I hope she wins the $10.55 she is suing for.

All this brings me (nearly) full circle from lawsuits to movies to lawyers. Can you imagine that this lawyer values her time so little that she is filing suit and spending time arguing a case for $10.55? (Ironically, the case is about wasting time.) She is either a very poor attorney or has very low self-esteem, either of which would also explain why she was alone at the movies in the middle of the day.

At any rate, and perhaps more importantly, she is also suing for an apology. Yes, an apology. She wants an “I’m sorry” from the theater, which makes me wonder if this case was filed in Ms. Wagner’s third grade class. I wonder if the judge will sentence them to shake hands and make nice? Or perhaps to kiss and make up, which may work out well for Chen Xiaomei if she can parlay that kiss into a date.

However, I may be minimizing the importance of the apology. No less an esteemed legal mind that Judge Marilyn Milian of The People’s Court says that small claims court is usually not about money, it is about the principle. She must be right. How else to explain the case, from the crotchety old Judge Wapner era, where one man sued another for 65 cents, the cost of a can of soda?

Frivolous lawsuits and bad movies will always be with us. True as that is, it is hard to believe that there are not many movies about frivolous lawsuits. Even if they were, however, they would not be prosecutable. If so, I’d have sued Jennifer Lopez for Gigli years ago, and put an injunction on Ban Affleck in the process. That man must be stopped before he acts again!