Tag Archives: Captain America

Why, Science, Why?

26 Jan

January 26, 2011

To a new world of gods and monsters! – Bride of Frankenstein

Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised, Living like an animal! The jungle is my home. But I will show the world that I can be its master! I will perfect my own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! – Bride of the Monster

OK, one puts it a little more eloquently than the other but they make the same point.

Humanity has a long history of tampering with nature and playing God in the name of science, and it never ends well. Even my favorite novel, Flowers for Algernon, ends heartbreakingly sadly.

Beware, because life imitates art.

That’s real. That fathead ant is real. And that’s what science is working on RIGHT NOW!

Have we learned nothing from Star Trek II? Remember the Genesis device?

McCoy: Dear Lord. You think we’re intelligent enough to… suppose… what if this thing were used where life already exists
Spock: It would destroy such life in favor of its new matrix.
McCoy: Its “new matrix”? Do you have any idea what you’re saying?
Spock: I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications, Doctor. As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to create.
McCoy: Not anymore; now we can do both at the same time! According to myth, the Earth was created in six days. Now, watch out! Here comes Genesis! We’ll do it for you in six minutes!
Spock: Really, Dr. McCoy. You must learn to govern your passions; they will be your undoing. Logic suggests…
McCoy: Logic? My God, the man’s talking about logic; we’re talking about universal Armageddon! You green-blooded, inhuman…

And now supersoldier ants. The big-headed Captain Americas of the ant world!

How long until someone starts splicing these genes into people?

What kind of life do you think this guy has? He’ll never end up with that girl.

There is more than a fine line between “we can do something” and “we should do something.” Seriously, we can make huge-headed ants. OK, what for? Other than research there is no reason to do it. And I am not anti-research, far from it, but you know that while the scientists may start out with noble intentions like curing cancer, this will soon turn into “what if we inject super-ant hormone into army recruits when they get inoculated for TB?” Don’t laugh; America has done crap like that before.

Caribbean crazy ants  are bad enough. Now imagine them the size of Michael Vick and capable of driving cross-country to your town.

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The Saturday Comics: Hostess Ads

19 Nov

November 19, 2011

There is something inherently wrong with a Hostess Fruit Pie. It isn’t a pie, it is a small square mass-produced pastry-like substance. It contains a bright unnaturally colored filling that in no way mimics any color found in nature and, no matter what it may be made out of, bears little to no resemblance to fruit. Instinctively we should avoid it at all costs. But we don’t. Whatever primitive part of our brains still exists to warn us of danger has been overcome by the simple fact that Hostess Fruit Pies taste so damn good.

When I was in my kiddy heyday of reading comic books (anywhere from age 8 to 38, really, but lets stick with the 1970’s) Hostess produced some of the best and most fondly remembered comic book ads of all time. They were full-page ads that ran in every comic from every publisher. They were comics within the comic, a full-page adventure of a major comic book star which would invariably end with a bad guy getting caught because when it came down it, robbing the bank of millions be damned, the money was not as attractive as a single fruit pie.

From the web:

From 1975 until 1982, Hostess ran an advertisement campaign in American comic books. These advertisements featured heroes from DC Comics and Marvel Comics like Batman, Superman, and Spider-Man in one-page adventures each resolved with Hostess products. For example, in the original ad, after being unable to subdue a mummy, Batman pacifies him by giving the mummy Twinkies. Other ads would have the protagonist outwitting the antagonist with the pastries, such as the Hulk preparing to strangle a trio of revolutionaries, but a little boy says that is too violent and instead recommends giving them Hostess Fruit Pies, or Batman outwitting a gourmet villain who is kidnapping chefs by paying a ransom in Hostess Cupcakes instead of money, which causes the villains to voluntarily surrender. Subsequent ads included myriad characters from various publishing houses including Casper the Friendly Ghost, Richie Rich, and various members of the Archie Comics gang as well as Gold Key and Whitman comics licensed characters such as Tweety and Sylvester and The Road Runner. The Archie Comics character Josie appeared in over 25 ads, frequently as a back-cover to many issues in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

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