Tag Archives: Caribbean Crazy ants

“And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.”

16 Feb

February 16, 2011

First I wrote about the Caribbean Crazy Ants.
Then it was Frankenstein Ants.

Now this:

Does anyone else see the pattern? These ants are getting smarter all the time! And bigger! And better organized!

If you will allow me a moment of panic, please let me say WE ARE ALL FUCKED! Next week I fully expect to read that ants have developed fully opposable thumbs and are using tools, then it is goodbye humanity!

What can we do? WHAT CAN WE DO???

Ladies and Gentlemen, we can do nothing. the era of the human race has come to an end.

Why, Science, Why?

26 Jan

January 26, 2011

To a new world of gods and monsters! – Bride of Frankenstein

Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised, Living like an animal! The jungle is my home. But I will show the world that I can be its master! I will perfect my own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world! Ha ha ha ha ha ha! – Bride of the Monster

OK, one puts it a little more eloquently than the other but they make the same point.

Humanity has a long history of tampering with nature and playing God in the name of science, and it never ends well. Even my favorite novel, Flowers for Algernon, ends heartbreakingly sadly.

Beware, because life imitates art.

That’s real. That fathead ant is real. And that’s what science is working on RIGHT NOW!

Have we learned nothing from Star Trek II? Remember the Genesis device?

McCoy: Dear Lord. You think we’re intelligent enough to… suppose… what if this thing were used where life already exists
Spock: It would destroy such life in favor of its new matrix.
McCoy: Its “new matrix”? Do you have any idea what you’re saying?
Spock: I was not attempting to evaluate its moral implications, Doctor. As a matter of cosmic history, it has always been easier to destroy than to create.
McCoy: Not anymore; now we can do both at the same time! According to myth, the Earth was created in six days. Now, watch out! Here comes Genesis! We’ll do it for you in six minutes!
Spock: Really, Dr. McCoy. You must learn to govern your passions; they will be your undoing. Logic suggests…
McCoy: Logic? My God, the man’s talking about logic; we’re talking about universal Armageddon! You green-blooded, inhuman…

And now supersoldier ants. The big-headed Captain Americas of the ant world!

How long until someone starts splicing these genes into people?

What kind of life do you think this guy has? He’ll never end up with that girl.

There is more than a fine line between “we can do something” and “we should do something.” Seriously, we can make huge-headed ants. OK, what for? Other than research there is no reason to do it. And I am not anti-research, far from it, but you know that while the scientists may start out with noble intentions like curing cancer, this will soon turn into “what if we inject super-ant hormone into army recruits when they get inoculated for TB?” Don’t laugh; America has done crap like that before.

Caribbean crazy ants  are bad enough. Now imagine them the size of Michael Vick and capable of driving cross-country to your town.

%d bloggers like this: