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Pro Wrestling Smackaround! Grudge Match!

2 Jul

July 2, 2015

And here we go! World Wrestling Congress action is coming to you live tonight from the General Custer High School auditorium in Auxvasse, Missouri! We have a sold out crowd of 983! The whole town is here!

They haven’t had a crowd like this since the general store burned down.

That’s right! I’m Chuck McGonagall and with me as always is my partner, Luscious Lenny Brown.

And I love you all! Tonight’s show is brought to you by The Egg Hutch on Route 3. Come on in for some eggs!

I had one this morning, It was pretty good. Well fans, we have some awesome action tonight. In our main event, General Duke Rightwing is taking on The Conscientious Dissenter. Duke doesn’t take too kindly to The Dissenter’s new Canadian allegiance.

That’s right Chuck. There’s no love lost there. If General Rightwing wins, he’s going to make The Dissenter enlist in the army.

Wow! Also on the card is a Missouri Brawl Battle. 13 men enter the ring at the same time. The first one to stack the others in a human pyramid and climb to the top and grab the flag hanging above the center of the ring wins.

Oooh! I’ve never seen that before!

You get all the best action in the WWC! Some of our biggest stars are already entered. Big Little Smalls and Mr. Graceful are itching to go, and I heard a rumor that WWC Interstate Champion David Letterman Junior is in the arena.

Whoa!

We’ll also see tag team action with Bip and Bop taking on The Filipino Coal Miners, and Bucky “The Rich Man’s Mojo” Mathers will team with La Ardila against Robot 1 and Robot 4.

I can’t wait! Let’s go to the ring, our first match is about to begin. It’s a rematch from last week’s pay per view, Stairway to Amazing. Surfer Boy is taking on Mr. Surfing in a Catch the Wave match. I hope you have your towel ready Chuck! I don’t even know what that means!

wwc surfing

NEWSFLASH! Volcano Erupts, Sinks Gilligan’s Island

26 May

May 26, 2015

Here’s a news story you may have missed:

Howell fortune

Here’s the text:

VOLCANO ERUPTS, SINKS GILLIGAN’S ISLAND
Thurston Howell III Fortune Feared Lost

AP News Service May 5th, 1981

A volcanic eruption which sunk a small South Pacific island may also have sunk the fortunes of one of America’s most celebrated millionaires.

After weeks of oceanic tremors, scientists confirm that a volcano erupted on the island of Palu Makalu, popularly known as “Gilligan’s Island” since the discovery and rescue of the survivors of the S.S. Minnow shipwreck in 1978. The island is now submerged in the depths off the continental shelf.

Among the survivors was eccentric millionaire Thurston Howell III, who made his fortune in the stock market in the post-war era. He later founded Howell Industries, which produced everything from ticker-tape to typewriter ribbons. Although profits had been declining in later years, due to the changing of technology, he recently doubled his assets after winning a bet on the Harlem Globetrotters to beat their robotic duplicates, in a match played at his resort on the island.

A spokesman for Mr. Howell released the following statement:

“The rumors of the loss of the Howell fortune are greatly exaggerated. When the island sank, it took with it 55 trunks of cash and bonds, which Thurston Howell III buried on the island to keep it safely away from the constant misadventures of Gilligan. However, Mr. Howell has invested heavily in new technologies, and we are confident that his acquisition of controlling interest in Betamax tape and 8-track cartridge corporations will position Howell Industries for future success in the 80’s and beyond.”

The other castaways, reacting to the loss of their island home of 14 years, universally blamed Gilligan for causing the eruption with one of his silly blunders.

In a related story, scientists say the Palu Makalu tribe of native headhunters may now be extinct.