Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride

Tony Danza. The only actor who must play a character named Tony:

TONY DANZA’S AGENT: Hey, Tony baby, I got some news for you. A real meaty script just came your way.
TONY DANZA: Huh, yeah?
AGENT: It is set in the early 1980′s. Cold War stuff. You play a former Soviet spy being pursued across the Iron Curtain because you have the key to the West German defense plans and you are going to sell them to the highest bidder.
DANZA: Oh wow.
AGENT: Here’s a copy of the script. I’ll read with you. I’ll be Piotr, your former superior. I’m calling you on the phone to try to get you to give up. You are Vladimir, the spy. Ready?
DANZA: This is so cool.
AGENT: Here we go. “Vladimir, you must give yourself up. Come in on your own and I promise you that your wife and children will come to no harm. Vladimir, you must do this.”
DANZA:
AGENT: I said “Vladimir, you must do this.”
DANZA:
AGENT: Tony, you OK?
DANZA: Yeah, how you doing?
AGENT: I’m waiting for your line.
DANZA: What line?
AGENT: Your line in the script.
DANZA: You started that?
AGENT: Yeah, I cued you twice.
DANZA: You were talking to me?
AGENT: Tony, there’s no one else in the room.
DANZA: I thought you were on the phone.
AGENT: I’m not on the phone.
DANZA: You were talking to some guy named Victor.
AGENT: Vladimir.
DANZA: How’s he doing?
AGENT: How’s who doing?
DANZA: Vladimir.
AGENT: You’re Vladimir.
DANZA: Nah, nah, I’m Tony. Tony Danza. From Taxi.
AGENT: I know, I’m your agent, I got you that job.
DANZA: Cool, when do I start?
AGENT: You already started!
DANZA: I”m late! I better get to the set. (Get’s up to leave)
AGENT: The job’s over! Sit down!
DANZA: Hey, when do I get my check?
AGENT: You got it years ago. Look, Tony-
DANZA: Aw geez, I got it years ago and I didn’t keep any receipts. What about my taxes?
AGENT: Tony, Tony, look, there’s this script.
DANZA: Cool! Who do I play?
AGENT: (Deep breath.) You play a spy. Named Vladimir. You. Are. Vladimir.
DANZA: I’m Vladimir?
AGENT: Right. Now here’s your cue. Do you have the script?
DANZA: That’s my cue?
AGENT: NO! I mean no, I just want to make sure you have the script.
DANZA: Yeah, right here in my pocket.
AGENT: Take it out. Here we go. “”Vladimir, you must give yourself up. Come in on your own and I promise you that your wife and children will come to no harm. Vladimir, you must do this.”
DANZA:
AGENT: TONY!
DANZA: You off the phone now? How’s Victor?
AGENT: You are Victor! I mean Vladimir! You are Vladimir!
DANZA: No, I’m Tony. From Taxi. I sing too and I cook and I used to box.
AGENT: I know! I know!
DANZA: So what about this new script you said came in? I can’t wait to read it.
AGENT: I’ll mail it to you.
DANZA: OK, thanks for stopping by.
AGENT: This is my office!
DANZA: Oh, I thought maybe I changed the furniture.

The Many Faces of Tony Danza