Tag Archives: Cleveland

FOX News Must Have Flunked Math

8 May

May 8, 2013

There was a horrible story in the news today but it had a happy ending. Ten years ago three young girls were kidnapped right off the streets of Cleveland and today they were all rescued, alive.

An amazing story, and one that deserves better than to be turned into an SAT question. You know, the kind where one train leaves Detroit at 10 am traveling west at 65 mph and another train leaves Boston at 12:30 pm traveling east at 80 mph and you have to figure out if they would crash around 3 pm in New Jersey. Well, if it was left to FOX News they would never figure it out. I am sure they flunked the SAT exam back in their school days.

This is from the article appearing at http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/05/07/2-ohio-teen-girls-missing-for-decade-found-alive-as-cops-offer-few-details/#ixzz2SbzNfp2I

math is hard

“They didn’t provide the current ages for the other two women.”

Really?
Hmmm, let’s figure this out.

Berry disappeared 10 years ago nearly to the day. She was 16. 16 +10 = 26.

BREAKING NEWS! Berry is 26 years old!

Dejesus disappeared about a year later. She was 14.  14+9=23

FOX NEWS BREAKING NEWS ALERT! Dejesus is 23 years old.

So much for the “investigative journalism” of FOX News.

FoxNewsAlert_WarGames1

I’d love to have been at that press conference.

POLICE: Ms. Berry was 16 when she was kidnapped ten years ago.
FOX REPORTER: Officer! How old does that make her now?
POLICE: Stunned silence.
FOX REPORTER: I’ll put you down for “no comment.”

LeBron James To Make Life Worth Living

8 Jul

July 8, 2010

Basketball fans in one NBA city will find a reason to wake up in the morning, as LeBon James will tonight announce which lucky town will have the honor of making him the highest paid player in the game.

For the cities that get rejected, the league has instituted a 24 hour NBA Suicide Hotline, as distraught fans from Cleveland to New Jersey suddenly find their lives no longer worth living.

James will announce his decision tonight during a one-hour ESPN variety show. “I really want to show off another side of me,” said the man who makes a living bouncing a ball. “I want to bring back the fun and excitement of live television.”

During the telecast, LeBron James will introduce special guests, such as 1970’s R+B group The Fifth Dimension, who are planning to debut their new single “Up, Up, and Away in My Beautiful Balloon 2010.” Also on the card are the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders and David Cassidy.

LeBron plans on letting the losing cities down easy. “Every few minutes, I’m going to come out wearing a different team’s jersey. I’m going to take off that jersey and reveal another jersey under that, and a few minutes later I’ll peel that off until I get to the team I’m signing with. It’ll be a lot of fun and I’m sure the losing cities will take it all in stride.”

Plans are already in the works for “A Very Special LeBron James Christmas,” which will air on pay-per-view and be broadcast from his contractually obligated orbital space platform.

Cities from around the country wait with bated breath. Tonight, one city will emerge victorious, and another city will remain Cleveland.

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