October 24, 2011
TLC has a lousy show about a psychic housewife from Long Island. I have not seen it but how could it not be lousy?
Long Island Medium stars a woman who, to put it kindly, is just what you think of when you think “Long Island housewife.” The premise is that she has a normal Long Island housewife life, goes Long Island housewife grocery shopping, works out at the Long Island housewife gym, whatever, and BAM! PSYCHIC FLASH! -the yenta somehow gets an insight into the life of some random stranger whom she has to accost on the street and annoy.
Who came up with the title “Long Island Medium”? What kind of a boring, unimaginative name is that? I can only imagine the rejected names- “Medium from Long Island” and “The Long Island Medium.”
As I said, I have not seen this show, but I have seen the commercials.
The most amazing one goes like this. She is in a gym (and she can use a few more squat thrusts if you know what I mean) and some other woman tells her to use her mystic mojo on some guy across the room. He’s a fireman and she asks him if something bad ever happened to him. The guy is a fireman. A New York City fireman. See where this is going?
The fireman breaks down and in tears says that “I was supposed to be at work on 9/11…”
Get it? She went up to a New York City fireman around the 10th anniversary of the WTC tragedy and asked him if anything bad ever happened to him? I’m no psychic but I could have predicted that answer.
And – BAM! PSYCHIC FLASH! I am getting a vision! I think that something bad has happened to you too! Tell me, oh reader, has anything bad ever happened to you? Yes? I knew it!
Yeah, get the point? Go up to anyone and ask a cold, open-ended question and see if damn, you aren’t psychic too. It helps if they already think you are a psychic and are ready to believe whatever you say.
PSYCHIC: “I am getting a strong feeling, a woman who died, she was close to you…”
RUBE: “Yes, yes, oh yes….” breaks into sobs.
PSYCHIC: “I sense it is your mother.”
RUBE’S MOTHER: “I’m sitting right here.”
PSYCHIC: “A grandmother, perhaps?”
RUBE: “OH MY GOD! My grandmother! How did you know?”
ME: “Hey tool, ask any adult about a dead relative and the odds are really good it is a parent or grandparent.”
It doesn’t take Criswell to predict that this show sucks.
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