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Who Was That Masked Politician? / Japan Is At It Again

28 Mar

March 28, 2013

news roundup week!

I spend a lot of time on this blog ranting about Japan. In fact, if you type “Japan” in that search box up on the right, you’ll find that I spend a full 87% of my blog time yelling about how screwed up Japan is. This is the land of urinal video games, geriatric porn stars, virtual kissing machines, robotic buttocks, and weird-looking full-face hair net things. To be fair, this week, the phenomenon I am reporting is also found in Mexico. But to be fair to me, this story didn’t come from Mexico, it came from Japan.

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Where the Hell should I begin?

Right here!



“Councillor Skull Reaper, you have the floor.”
“Thank you. I would like to propose a bill to stop those jabronies who litter our streets with trash. I propose to put each and every one of those litterbugs in my Skull Reaper Headlock from which no opponent has escaped.”
“Um, Councillor Skull Reaper, do you really think that-”
“Whatchoo gonna do when Skull Reaper A-ji goes wild on you? Grr!” (Rips off shirt, climbs on top of desk, flexes.)

C-mon, seriously? Look, we here in the USA have also voted wrestlers into office (Jesse Ventura), but our loony wrestlers take their masks off. They don’t parade around Congress in feathered boas, although if they did then may be I would watch C-SPAN.

“If I take my mask off, I am an entirely different person.”
Riiiiiight… call the guys with the white suits and padded cells right now.

Not for the wrestler, but for the voters who put him in office.

Nature’s Revenge

26 Mar

March 26, 2013

news roundup week!

Thanks to Allan Keyes for tipping me off to this.
All week I’m featuring news items from around the world, culminating in an Imponderable from New Zealand this friday. We’ll be visiting Africa and Japan this week, but today we stick to the good ‘ol USA, and there is no state that says USA more than Texas.

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Never mind snakes on a plane, these snakes are a-flame! (Hey, I know that stinks. Give me a break. You try doing this.)

This was not the most well thought out woman in the world. She saw a snake in her yard, so her natural reaction was to douse it gasoline and set it on fire. Makes perfect sense to me. I’m sure this woman panicked because:

A- the snake was a poisonous Black Mamba, which is indigenous to Africa and never, ever, seen in Texas
B- she thought the snake was an assassin. When asked, the snake replied “I’m a soldier, to which the woman said “You’re neither. You’re an errand boy, sent by grocery clerks, to collect a bill.”
C- the woman was just stupid

Personally, I think she overreacted. The proper thing for a Texan to do upon spotting a snake is to trample it with his herd of cattle.