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Beans, Beans The Musical Fruit, The More You Eat, The More You Play Disco Music

12 Jan

January 12, 2011

Of the many things I never expected to read, this was not one of them.

You’ve heard of eine kleine nachtmusik? Here’s eine kleine stomachmusik
 

Meet Fredrik Hjelmqvist.

There’s little I can add to the jokes you must already have come up with.    

 
 

And now for a little stomache music...

 This man gives a new meaning to term “illegal downloads.”

Just imagine a romantic evening. A wonderful dinner, a carriage ride around Central Park, and music emanating from a man’s abdomen. What woman could resist? Sorry. I meant to say, what woman would go near him again?

Beans have long been known as the musical fruit, but swallowing this bean brings it to an entirely new level. Sure, most men have been known to toot a little from time to time, but how many of us have played three-part harmony? Alone, that is.
 
Just think. You find yourself pursued by the police- pop in a capsule of high-speed chase music. In a dark alley? Swallow a pill of ominous bass music. Having sex? Pop a capsule of 70’s porno music. And a Viagra. You can be your own soundtrack!
 
Record someone else’s voice and fool any voice recognition software. Just be sure to have an answer as to why you are holding the phone to your stomach.
 
Of course, an invention like this must have many serious practical applications, one would expect, though they escape me at the moment. Perhaps you can rent him out for parties…?
  

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Middle-Aged Men on the Block

1 Jan

January 1, 2011

Well I had planned to take the day off, but did you see this last night?

90’s pop jokes New Kids on the Block teamed up with another washed up has-been group, The Backstreet Boys, to form the alphabet-insulting “super group” NKONTBSB.

It was sad. Some of those “kids” and “boys” are over 40, and it shows. Watch the video below and marvel at how laughable some of the “dance moves” are. Obviously, a couple of those children are not as mobile as they used to be. I am sure at one point they were doing the same shuffling moves Popeye used to do in the old Kings Features Syndicate cartoons. Plenty of downtime was built into the routine too. While one group was performing, the other simply stood in the back, resting. After all, they have to be careful- a couple of those guys are in danger of breaking a hip.

Despite the crowd going nuts (and if you had been standing in Times Square for ten hours you’d be going nuts too) they really embarrassed themselves. The songs have not held up. Disposable teen pop is, by definition, disposable. Although any attempt to recycle it rides a very small wave of nostalgia, watching it performed by mature older men dressed in conservative suits was too much. It was all very sad.

They came across as their own tribute band in a 90’s revue.

Nine old men shuffling around the stage trying to recapture the glory of their youth. Sure, they are around 40, not 80, but if you can’t stand Justin Beiber now just wait and see how you feel when he makes a comeback after his hair thins and he does a prostate PSA.

Here it is, watch and see for yourself.

But not me. Seeing it once was enough.

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