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Grandpa, No! Classic Japan Repost

10 May

May 10, 2012

This is the last, and most disturbing, of my Japan-themed blogs. This one has gotten me a lot of hits from search engines. Frankly that scares me.

From November 17, 2010

I’ve been mining News of the Weird pretty hard lately. Why? It keeps me from writing about reality TV. Of course, “Noots” is always good for a laugh, and if I see an Asian Paul Teutul I’ll post the picture, but on the whole, I think Shakespeare said it best in Hamlet:

There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio,
Than are dreamt of in your philosophy.

In other words, no matter what stupidity you see on TV, the real world can always beat it for shear ridiculousness. I wonder what The Bard would think of Jersey Shore?

So here is today’s news nugget. I warn you, this one is uncomfortable.

About 20 percent of Japan‘s adult-video market is now “elder porn” with each production featuring one or more studly seniors and Shigeo Tokuda, 76, among the most popular. He told Toronto‘s Globe and Mail in October that he still “performs” physically “without Viagra,” in at least one role a month opposite much younger women. His wife and adult daughter learned only two years ago, by accident, of his late-onset career (which began at age 60 when a filmmaker hired him for his “pervert’s face”). Tokuda figures the “elder porn” genre will grow with Japan‘s increasing senior population. [Globe and Mail, 10-3-10]

Sigh.

Take a  break, drink a glass of water, I’ll wait.

Anyway, here he is, in one of the only pictures I feel even remotely comfortable posting.

The article claims he was hired for his “pervert’s face.” In Japan that gets you a job in porn. In America that gets you on the sexual predator list.

This is just a small, albeit gross, example, of the problem with health care: there’s too much of it. It’s too good. People are healthier and living longer, and this is the result.

More uncomfortable information from wikipedia. which is nearing the five-hundredth correct entry mark:

Male actors are usually anonymous in Japanese porn but Tokuda is now featured in his own branded series of videos for Ruby with actresses of various ages. Another studio specializing in elder porn is Glory Quest which launched the “old manseries Maniac Training of Lolitas in December 2004 and when that became popular, had Tokuda star with a variety of young AV actresses in the Forbidden Elderly Care (Forbidden Nursing) series beginning in August 2006. An additional series Big Tits Loving Grandfather Erotic Mischief* for Glory Quest began in April 2008. Not all of Tokuda’s roles involve sex and he enjoys acting different roles. He has said he hopes to be able to continue working in adult videos until he is 80 (with a laugh).

*isn’t that title a bit long for this sort of thing?

If you’ve stuck around this long without clicking away to something that doesn’t make you feel skeevy, you may be wondering how his family feels about all of this.

The 5 foot 3 inch slightly paunchy former “salaryman” is married with two children and a grandson. He says his wife of 45 years suspects he plays some role in the porn industry but doesn’t ask any questions and he has kept his “star” status a secret.

How? He’s been in over 350 of those things. He must have a Clark Kent thing going on.

TOKUDA: (to himself) Oh no! It is almost time to film another porn!
(to wife) I’m going out for the paper and some milk.

                   (takes off his glasses, takes out his loincloth.)
WIFE: OK, enjoy your walk.
(pause)
WIFE: How come I never see Tokuda and Big Tits Loving Grandfather in the same place? Oh well, time to fire up the DVD player.

Japan is a country of 127,360,000people. They have a life expectancy rate of 81.25 years and about 20% of the population is over 65 years old. This was bound to happen.

The Celebrity Apprentice: Week Twelve

6 May

May 6, 2012

Dayana was fired last week. Five are left, but by the end of the show there will be only three. Trump is firing two tonight. My guesses? Arsenio and Teresa are sent packing, leaving Clay, Aubrey, and Lisa in the final three.

THE TASK: Create a print ad for Elle Magazine
THE PROJECT MANAGERS: Teresa with Arsenio and Aubrey, Lisa with Clay.

There is a product in mind but the guy in charge had a thick accent and I missed it. I’ll go back later. (It is Chi, a hairdryer.) Anyway, when Teresa said she was PM you should have seen the look on Lisa’s face. She was a shark smelling blood in the water.

“As usual I had a million ideas.” Aubrey, and I can’t complain about that since I like her idea “be at peace with your hair.”

Teresa is not a negotiator. The teams had to pick from the same models and Teresa sat down with Lisa and told her straight out who her picks were. That left Lisa free to rook her any way she wanted. Lisa and Clay were not wedded to any of the models but once Lisa knew who Teresa wanted she was free to screw her out of them.

Clay, meanwhile, was not effective alone. He needed Lisa to make a lot of decisions. On the other side, the PM, Teresa, was not effective either. But hey, cut her some slack, she was stuck with Aubrey who managed to put herself in the ad too.

Around the 9:40 mark, Aubrey made a lot of cameramen and editors very happy by sitting around topless for a while. And from the look on her face, she knew just what she was doing. (Sorry dudes, it was pixellated.)

“I just look so good as a hair model! It’s undeniable! Hellloo!”

Train wreck time! Teresa read- and read BADLY- off cards during her presentation. She stumbled, she misspoke, she appeared illiterate. If they lose, SHE HAS TO GO. But other than Teresa, the ad campaign was really good. Arsenio and Aubrey read from cards as well, but not nearly as obviously or poorly as Teresa. Aubrey: “I saved the day.” Yeah, whatever.

I liked the visuals for Clay’s team, but the ads were way too wordy. Lisa: “If Teresa wins over me it is time to hang it up.”

I googled Chi hairdryer and this came up. Here is a gratuitous picture of Jennifer Aniston. Does she use the Chi? Beats me but probably not.

9:56. Boardroom time, and earlier than usual.

Trump to Lisa: Should Teresa be in the final two “No!”
Trump to Aubrey: Who would be better in the finals, Lisa or Teresa? No answer.

THE WINNER: Lisa and Clay. Remember I said Teresa and Arsenio would get fired? I think Teresa is about to get the heave-ho. Meanwhile, it is 10:15 so it is clear Trump has something coming up after the boardroom.

Teresa, who should be fired? “Arsenio. He played it safe.”
Arsenio: “No I didn’t. I did some things our project manager was incapable of doing… I don’t think she is even qualified to evaluate my work.” And better: “Don’t throw me under the bus or I’ll back it up and hit you with it.” He stayed calm but went at Teresa hard. All Teresa could do was say “Aubrey, what do you think?” She looked really bad in the boardroom. “I’m into photography. I like to look at pictures.”

And so, Teresa, you’re fired.

And I am so far batting 1.000.

Clay. Lisa. Aubrey. Arsenio. And one more to be fired tonight.

The phone rang and Trump brought everyone back to the boardroom. He told then that they would be interviewed by John rich and Marlee Matlin, last year’s final two, and not one, but TWO will be fired. So THREE will be gone this week. So there really was a twist for the viewers.

The final four sat with John and sat with Marlee and they reported back to Trump.
Aubrey: Too green. Tried to play John Rich.
Clay: Is he a leader or a follower? Played it safe.
Arsenio: Has charisma but an out of control side.
Lisa: She talks a lot. Comes on strong.

So who are your final two?

Congratulations to ??? TO BE CONTINUED! So ok, it was only two fired this week.

NEXT WEEK: One gets fired and the final two go head to head.