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Late Night Movie House of Crap: King of Kong Island

7 Feb

February 7, 2012

Not long ago in a recent New York Minute  I mistakenly called the island where King Kong was found Kong Island. The name was really Skull Island. It is an easy mistake to make, but one I shouldn’t have given how much I’ve written about King Kong in the past. And as you’d expect, I was called out on it. Thanks Mac.

But I was sure I heard that name somewhere and sure enough, there is a very cheesy film called King of Kong Island. With a title like that, you pretty much know what you are getting, right? Wrong. I’ll let these excerpts of reviews from Amazon.com do the explaining.  

2.0 out of 5 stars
Gorilla Brain Salad Surgery, May 27, 2004
By cookieman108 “cookieman108®” (Inside the jar…) – See all my reviews
This review is from:
Kong Island (DVD)
In the annals of movies dealing with ape/human relations, 1968 was a pivotal year as we (I say `we’ in a figurative sense as I wasn’t even born yet) saw the release of the seminal sci-fi film The Planet of the Apes. But wait, another film was released that same year, one that may not have gotten the attention or accolades of that certainly more popular ape movie, but still needs to be recognized, if only because I spent an hour and a half watching it last night. The movie I am speaking of is Kong Island, aka King of Kong Island, aka Eve, the Wild Woman…What?! You’ve never heard of it? Consider yourself lucky if that applies to you, as the cinematic hurting was deep in this one…very deep…

2.0 out of 5 stars
Derivative, Yet Tauntingly Boring, March 3, 2006
By Robert I. HedgesSee all my reviews
(HALL OF FAME REVIEWER) (TOP 500 REVIEWER) (REAL NAME)
This review is from:
Kong Island (DVD)
Every single word of the title of this film is perfectly accurate with the exceptions of “Kong” and “Island.” “Kong Island” is, in fact, quite a blundering misnomer. There are normal size zombie-gorillas with brain implants, but no Kong, and as far as I can tell no island either, as it takes place in Africa.

The plot is utterly wretched, and generally revolves around a mad scientist and his plans for world domination via the medium of zombie gorillas (no prizes for guessing how he dies), versus a muscle-bound bore of an actor who is helping search for “The Sacred Monkey” while on a personal vendetta. I am not going to reveal the amazing secret of the Sacred Monkey, but will say that it made me groan audibly when we got to that part of the film.

1.0 out of 5 stars
What King? What Kong? What Island?, January 22, 2006
By Lonnie E. Holder “The Review’s the Thing” (Columbus, Indiana, United States) – See all my reviews
(TOP 500 REVIEWER) (VINE VOICE) (HALL OF FAME REVIEWER) (REAL NAME)
This review is from:
Kong Island (DVD)

You might suspect that part of the reason a reviewer gives one star is the reviewer’s embarrassment that they spent money on a movie that turns out to be so dumb that, well, you fill in the blank. This movie was originally titled “Eve, the Wild Woman,” which makes far more sense than the title of the film itself. Some variations of this movie title it “King of Kong Island.” For an added bit of humor, the movie makes it clear that they are in Africa. I never figured out the island connection.

Lucky for us, this film has fallen into public domain so I present, in its entirety, King of Kong Island.

A New York Minute (14)

6 Feb

February 6, 2012

New York Minute!

I don’t know where you are reading this but it is cold in New York. We haven’t had any snow this winter and that’s a shame since the city looks great with a thin coating of snow. Of course now that I’ve jinxed I’m sure a major snow storm is hitting the city right now. Sorry New York, my bad.

New York has a long history with the winter and before you ask yourself what kind of a stupid statement that is, bear in mind that New York is where the last Ice Age ended. Yep, the last glacier died here. Various glaciers have covered the area of Central Park in the past, with the most recent being the Wisconsin glacier which receded about 12,000 years ago

I will now quote liberally from The New York Times. Hmm, “New York Times” and “liberal” in the same sentence. Never heard that before. Anyway, and I quote…

The New York region was once covered by a vast crystalline shield of frozen water, known as the Laurentide ice sheet. It carved the terrain of the metropolitan area, and as it melted, dumped so much transported rock, gravel, sand and sediment that it created parts of Long Island, Connecticut and New Jersey – including the barrier islands at the coast. It also deposited such notable landforms as Battle Hill, in the Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn.

You might remember Battle Hill from my recent Gangsters, Goodfellas, and Parakeets New York Minute. Now back to The Times.

“The rocks of New York City are a climate archive,” Dr. Schaefer of the Lamont-Doherty Earth Observatory at Columbia University said. Most New Yorkers are unaware “that they are living in the middle of a glacial event park,” he said, adding: “All they need do is open their eyes. By looking into the past, we can learn about the sensitivity of glaciers as climate indicators.”

In Central Park, for example, much of the visible bedrock was shaped by ice, and unmodified glacial features abound.

One of the most impressive glacial remnants in Central Park is Umpire Rock (so-called thanks to its proximity south of the Heckscher Ballfields), to the east of West 62nd Street, by the pétanque court.

 

The feature is a rarity in that its deep grooves reveal a carved channel and glacial fissures that suggest “possible evidence of subglacial streams,” Dr. Schaefer said.

“As you see the deep grooves, you can almost imagine these big boulders gouging out the bedrock,” said Neil Calvanese, vice president for operations of the Central Park Conservancy, which manages the park under a contract with the city.

Central Park really is an amazing place to spend some time. One of my favorite movie depictions of the park is from The Out-Of-Towners, the hysterical Jack Lemmon- Shelly Duvall movie from 1970. In one part the couple, having no where else to go, spend the night in the park where they are menaced by a man in a cape and Jack Lemmon nearly gets killed by some baseball players who misinterpreted it when he took a young boy behind a bush so he could look in his pants. Trust me, it’s not what you think.

This begs the question, does anyone live in Central Park?

Yes they do.

Again, from the New York Times:

New York City Census Tract No. 143, better known as Central Park, was officially home to 25 residents in 2010. Not only were there enough of them to stage a football game, but their ranks had also apparently increased: a stunning 39 percent, in fact, over the previous decade, dwarfing the 2.1 percent growth in the city’s overall population.

Turns out Central Park is not the city’s only open space with a purported population. According to the census data,, 56 people claimed Flushing Meadows-Corona Park as their home, and 5 — apparently alive enough to do so — said they lived in Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn. (For historical perspective, Central Park listed a whopping 63 people in the 1990 census, then dropped to 18 in 2000 before climbing to 25, defying all demographic trends.)

Of the Central Park phenomenon, Lester A. Farthing, an official in the Census Bureau’s New York regional office, wrote in an e-mail, “we are not certain, but this could be either one of two possibilities”: The self-described park residents were homeless, or they were parks department employees living in some sort of “caretaker facility.”

The latter was flatly rejected by Vickie Karp, a parks department spokeswoman. There were no workers, not a single one, living in the park, she insisted. And the former, as it happens, is trickier to sort out than it sounds.

A few homeless people, Mr. Farthing said, could have picked up census forms at “Be Counted” sites the bureau set up at businesses and community centers around the city, then mailed them in as an honest act of residential pride. It was also possible, he noted, that some of the 25 had been counted by census enumerators on their occasional forays to sites in the park where the homeless are known to stay.

And that’s your New York Minute.

An audio version of this legend recently appeared in the amazing FlashPulp website. Check them out for awesomeness and goodies!