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Late Night Movie House of Crap: March Madness Edition

4 Mar

March 4, 2011

Sorry NCAA fans, this is not a basketball blog. Not to stir up a hornet’s nest (but if it gives me more traffic, what the heck?) but Mr. BTR is not a basketball fan. Any sport where a typical game ends with the score 105 -101 is just too long. End it after 20 minutes and let everyone get dinner at a normal hour. And college sports are worse. There are people who are rabid college sports fans and I get it if it comes out of school pride. I don’t get it when people who didn’t even go to college, who barely got out of high school, root for college sports. Especially colleges that are halfway across the country in  a state they can barely spell, let alone locate on a map. (“It’s right next to that East Georgia, huh?”) What is the appeal? It isn’t like they are as good as the pros. But what is even worse than college basketball? The WNBA. Yes dammit, I know I’ll get mail. Go ahead- I dare you to post nasty comments and drive up site traffic and my search engine ranking! I double dare you!

Anyway, this blog is going to spotlight some of the weirder stuff I found online. Weirder than the Russ Meyer stuff from last month? Maybe, but not as sexy so cool down.

Let’s start with the Mystery Science Theater 3000 you may never have seen.

OK, there is an off-chance you might have seen one or both of those. After all, they are on American channels (even if one of them is E!), but this next one comes from the former (and soon-to-be, you just mark my words!) Soviet Union. From Russia, here is their MST3K rip- off.

After seeing that I just can’t resist this classic clip from The Simpsons.

And now for something completely different.

It’s

Mike Rowe!

I know, I know, I set you up for a Monty Python clip, but if you are already angry at me for the basketball rant I started off with then it’s too late to make friends now. Mike Rowe is the guy who narrates Deadliest Catch and about a million other shows. He also stars in Dirty Jobs where he does, well, dirty jobs, duh. Ever wanted to see a guy harvest worms? Clean out a sceptic tank? Stick his arm up a pregnant cow’s rear end? That’s the show for you. Not me, maybe you. Anyway, long before he became a smelly TV star, he worked as late night shill on QVC. Watch this clip and see just how miserable a man can be.

I’ll end this month’s edition with a clip that is just plain strange when taken out of context, and not much better when taken in context. From Bewitched, here is everyone’s favorite center square, Paul Lynde.

See you next month where, just maybe, we may actually possibly see Konga and Gorgo. I have the clips all picked out. And trust me, looking through Konga clips is a thankless task.

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I Found it on eBay!

3 Mar

March 3, 2011

There is a saying that says that you spend your whole adulthood trying to buy back the toys of your youth. Nowhere is that truer than eBay. From old action figures to wooden duck pull toys that’s the site for you.

Of course, while you can find anything from old toys to replacement parts for your eight-track player, there are also things on eBay that you may have never thought to search for, and many more you may never want to search for. Luckily for you I did. I put in strange search terms like “worn socks” and “broken” just to see what I could find and lo and behold, I found. Oh boy did I find.

“Hot and steamy” used socks. I also found used underwear (both men’s and women’s) and quite a number of them made a special effort to point out that they have not been washed. Many descriptions explained in almost loving detail the odors associated with them. (You don’t want to see the pictures.) In fact, it seemed like the more dirty, smelly, and worn the clothes were the more bids they had. The item above is one of the tamer examples I found.

I would suggest that anyone looking for some quick cash could earn a fast buck selling their smelly socks and underwear online.

I also found celebrity underwear.

That is a trading card which has been “slabbed” with a tiny little piece of Elvis’ “event worn underwear” mounted in the corner.

Where did they get the underwear? From Elvis’ bodyguard. Who else but someone closest to him would have used his underwear to make a quick buck? (Click to enlarge- trust me, it is totally worth it to read that.)

I never, ever knew that Beckett graded underwear.

If this underwear wasn’t washed, I can only imagine what a piece of Elvis’s dirty and smelly underwear would sell for. It is times like this that I wish I didn’t have such a good imagination.

Moving to less gross areas, and I think nothing can be as gross as Elvis’ underwear, I searched “broken.”

Really, who would buy a broken Leapster? Especially when you can upgrade to a broken Leapster 2?

I also found broken statuary.

Who would buy this? And at $49.99? A unicorn with a missing  horn is just a horse! The horn is the whole point!

If there is one thing worse than a unicorn missing a horn, how a bout a puzzle missing a piece?

One of the most annoying things in the world is when you get to the end of a large jigsaw puzzle and find a piece missing. You spend hours and hours working on it when you get to the end there is a big empty spot where the last piece should have been, Oh well, at least this listing warns you up front that you are going to chuck the whole thing in the trash.

I found a lot of… interesting… items when I searched “inflatable.” Here is the clean one.

I bet these are a ton of fun for the thirty seconds your kids will play with them until they break.

Looking around my home I see many things that may bring some cash on eBay. I have a broken wooden clothes dryer, a brush missing half the bristles, and a pile of “hot and steamy” dirty laundry. Starting bid: $50.

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