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Imponderable #69: Nottinghamshire, England

16 Nov

November 16, 2012

This week’s Imponderable comes from a place in England called Nottinghamshire. I had heard of Nottingham, as in Sheriff of (as recounted in the famous legal battle Nottingham, Sheriff of, vs. Hood, Sir Robin of Locksley. In that pioneering case, The Sheriff was represented by the legal firm of Gisbourne, Gisbourne, and Schultz, while Robin Hood elected to represent himself.

But I digress.

Here is the Imponderable, which has nothing to do with Robin hood but has a lot to do with ferrets, possibly even vampire ferrets. Read this with someone you love.

Now I am not here to bash ferrets as pets. You want to have a pet ferret? Go for it. I have declared my views on pets very publicly and I urge you to read it. Click here. I dare you. Click here. I’ll still be here when you get back.

People keep a lot of things as pets, from younger siblings to alligators, which have been turning up in Staten Island in alarming numbers. NOTE TO PEOPLE WHO WANT ALLIGATORS AS PETS: Don’t. Just don’t.

Rats also have their supporters, and no less a distinguished thespian as Peter Church keeps pet rats.

It is just a coincidence that I have never had dinner at his house.

So I really do feel bad for this old British broad. There she was, riding home on her electric mobility when BLAMMO! (or WHAM!, whatever you like) Lugosi the Vampire Ferret attacks! Lucky for her that she had her garlic-laced cane to fight it off with.

But whatever your take on the story, it is the last sentence that cements this story’s status as an Imponderable.

“One commenter on the Sun article has accused the media of ‘making up stories just to give ferrets bad press.'” Now I am the first guy in line to say that the media is biased, in fact I was head of that class, and the media making up stories? Well duh, I’ve seen MSNBC and half of their stories are based on fevered dreams from ingesting Matin Bashir’s psychedelic tears. But stooping to making up a story about a ferret attacking a handicapped woman just to push an anti-ferret agenda?

The question is Imponderable.

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SSSSSSmokin’!

12 Nov

November 12, 2012

SMOKIN!

Mr. B has been on his on-again, off-again bad toy kick. Which got me thinking about the BEST toy.  No, not Lincoln Logs. Not an Erector Set. Play D’Oh? NO! The best toy evah is…….

SMOKING POPEYE:                       

Yes, it’s as cool as it sounds! A Popeye that…..smokes. Fun for the family! But it really was a gentler time, when kids could actually have a toy like this. You could NEVER get this toy to market today. And it signals a sea change in the country, because there was a time when 9 out of 10 doctors endorsed smoking, and it was considered very glamorous thing to do: 

Mr. BTR has no clue who this actress is.

Hubba hubba!

But while us humans are slowly moving beyond smoking, there’s still one segment of the planet that is embracing smoking with a passion:

FUN WITH TEH INTERNETS! TODAY’S SEARCH: SMOKING ANIMALS

1)

More fun that a barrel full of smoking monkeys! Monkeys are the most intelligent animal in the kingdom aside from us, so it figures that they’ve been smoking for quite a while now. There’s also unconfirmed reports that rhesus monkeys have started playing Barry White music before they…..uh, get busy with their monkey significant others.  Smart indeed.

2) 

Now this is a very civilized goat. You can’t see it behind the fence, but he’s wearing a natty jacket with patches on the sleeves. Unfortunately, he’s smoking rum and maple blend (UGH)

3) 

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Isn’t that just the kewtest widdle thing! If that little one needed a light from me, I’d flick my bic! We all know how much Mr. B WUVS kittehs!!!!

Speaking  of cute cats: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9kYNId_Kvbo (The White Shadow one is my favorite!)

4)

This is NOT Pierre D. Duck, the World’s Greatest Duck, who is very anti-smoking and will quack at you if you smoke. You can find the link to his Facebook page in the sidebar.

The AFLAC duck celebrates after closing on the Glengarry leads…..

5)

Now that’s one bitch that knows how to party! (See what I did there?)

6)

Um…..what? This one doesn’t make any sense, but it’s so wonderful that I don’t care! This gives me hope that I can fulfill my dream of one day seeing a dolphin take a bong hit. For now, the closest I can come to that magical day is this:

 

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