February 8th, 2013
This is kind of a long one so let me give you the bullet points first:
- Gregory Mathew Bruni climbed onto Tony Lands’ roof (Oh yeah, he was already naked.)
- Leapt off the roof, onto Tony, and hurt Tony’s shoulder
- Ran into the house. knocked over a tv, spilled the dirt out of a vacuum
- Dodged gunshots from Tony’s wife LaDonna
- Ran into the living room and masturbated
- Cleaned himself with clothes he found in the son’s room
- Took not one but two dumps on the floor
- Drank the dirt from the vacuum
Howzabout that for a good day’s work? I never accomplish that much at my job, and I rarely have to dodge bullets at the office.
It might make things a little clearer if I tell you that Gregory Matthew Bruni was a carnival worker. Yes, a carny. I don’t know if he guessed people’s weight or just cleaned up after the animals and took down the tents, but man, how many stories this good do you know that also feature a naked carny? Not many, I’ll bet. Maybe he bit the heads off chickens.
According to the police, they are going to do some tests to determine “what Bruni was on.” Personally, I think the cops might be jumping the gun. I’m not so sure he was on anything at all. This might just be normal carny behavior. Have you ever been to a state fair in Alabama? ‘Nuff said. I’m not saying these guys are not the sharpest tools in the shed, I’m saying they cannot spell shed.
At this point, I might- just might!- be going a little hard on the carnies. I’d be happy to apologize to them, but I am sure none of them are capable of reading this blog.
Among the charges against Bruni is criminal mischief, which really seems to cover a huge array of behavior.
More to the point, I have a few options for the Imponderable, including one or two related to the masturbation which I am going to skip for the sake of not disgusting myself. As far as the dumps he took, in that kind of extreme situation, is it so hard to believe that he crapped his pants, so to speak, bearing in mind he was not wearing said proverbial pants?
How did LaDonna Land manage to miss the naked man defecating and playing with himself in her own living room?
The question is Imponderable.
And while I am railing against carnies, I’d also like to mention that I have never found circus clowns funny. Not at all.
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