Archive | dating RSS feed for this section

Imponderable #113: Sydney Australia

18 Oct

October 18, 2013

“Why did the chicken cross the road?” finally has an answer.
“Because he was blind.”
And then he fell in a pool and drowned. But it was OK! Really, it all worked out fine. Read on!

chk1

Aww, poor Chooky Wooky. He must be the luckiest chicken alive. And what do you think of Chooky Wooky as a name? That’s either Chewbacca’s son in the next Star Wars movie or it is what I’m going to name my kid. I hope she likes it!

Anyway, I think this story is great. Heartwarming, really, very touching. Autistic girl, favorite pet, blind animal, rescue, and reunited. It has it all! (OK, it doesn’t have explosions, karate, or gratuitous and big-breasted female nudity but hey, it has a blind chicken, and that has to count for something.)

1801759c

This is the real-life Chooky Wooky and his new girlfriend

It took three hours of mouth-to-mouth, girl-on-chicken action to bring that fowl back to the land of the living. Good thing chickens don’t have souls or he’d be back as a zombie!

I have to wonder. Where would you draw the line? Would you perform CPR on a beloved snake? A weasel? A musk ox? Even a family’s beloved pet chicken is borderline, I’d think, given salmonella and all that. I guess it all depends on how you feel about chickens. For this I defer to George Costanza:

GEORGE: Do you think chickens have individual personalities?
KRAMER: (shivering) I don’t know.
GEORGE: If you had like five chickens could you tell them apart by just the way they acted? Or would they all just be walking around? Bak, bak, baak, bak? Cause if they have individual personalities I’m not sure we should be eaten `em.

Would you spend three hours performing CPR on a blind chicken?
The question is Imponderable.

But I would not.

Don’t you think that “Blind Chicken” would have made a great name for an old Southern blues man? Clarence “Blind Chicken” Perkins, for example. On the other hand, it also sounds like one of the Hekawi Indians on F Troop.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Imponderable #112: Michigan

11 Oct

October 11, 2013

It is getting harder and harder to deny it, ladies. All men are pervs. Anything and everything is an excuse to try to defile a woman. Even this blog is the world’s most pathetic excuse to get into a woman’s pants. “Hey, baby. I’m Mr. Blog. Wanna take a tepid ride?” Unless you guessed never, you’d be surprised how often that works.

m1

I have to be honest, I don’t quite see what happened here. (That’s a pun! Get it? He’s an optometrist and “I don’t quite see!” Hey Ladies, that the patented Mr. Blog humor right there. Now take off your top.)

But seriously, in addition to being a pervert, he must also be the world’s worst optometrist. The article says that he took the women to a room and fiddled his violin (I think that’s classier than saying he jerked off, don’t you?) “after he fitted the female with contact lenses.” Since the women couldn’t see what he was doing (one woman “got the feeling something wasn’t right”) the contacts must obviously have sucked.

“When you go to visit a professional office such as a doctor, the last thing you literally expect to see is this.” OK, true, but the women couldn’t see it! The contacts sucked! In addition to going to jail, the guy should also go back to medical school.

On the other hand, the good doctor may get off easy. The sheriff’s office is “encouraging other patients who may have witnessed inappropriate behavior” to come forward. I don’t think anyone will. They couldn’t see!

Or maybe he just had a really tiny penis.

Did this jerk off (HA! Another pun!) really expect to get away with this?
The question is Imponderable.

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →