Of the many things I never expected to read, this was not one of them.
You’ve heard of eine kleine nachtmusik? Here’s eine kleine stomachmusik
Meet Fredrik Hjelmqvist.
There’s little I can add to the jokes you must already have come up with.
And now for a little stomache music...
This man gives a new meaning to term “illegal downloads.”
Just imagine a romantic evening. A wonderful dinner, a carriage ride around Central Park, and music emanating from a man’s abdomen. What woman could resist? Sorry. I meant to say, what woman would go near him again?
Beans have long been known as the musical fruit, but swallowing this bean brings it to an entirely new level. Sure, most men have been known to toot a little from time to time, but how many of us have played three-part harmony? Alone, that is.
Just think. You find yourself pursued by the police- pop in a capsule of high-speed chase music. In a dark alley? Swallow a pill of ominous bass music. Having sex? Pop a capsule of 70’s porno music. And a Viagra. You can be your own soundtrack!
Record someone else’s voice and fool any voice recognition software. Just be sure to have an answer as to why you are holding the phone to your stomach.
Of course, an invention like this must have many serious practical applications, one would expect, though they escape me at the moment. Perhaps you can rent him out for parties…?
It is a whole other world in Japan. Based on the movies I’ve seen, I wouldn’t go there, it’s dangerous. Just walking down the street to get a carton of milk, you risk ninjas jumping out of trees, ronin ready to skewer you just beyond your fence, rival Kung-fu schools brawling on every corner, and samurai attacks everywhere. Not to mention Godzilla. And when you get to the store? No milk. It’s all rice wine, sake, sake, everywhere sake.
That all may or may not be true, but seriously, Japan is unlike any other country. Where else can you see grown men in business suits reading comic books featuring little girls with elf ears and skirts that don’t cover their panties who get raped every third page? What’s up with that?
Think I’m kidding? Look at this Hello Kitty urinal screen.
Sick enough for you? I’m not done yet. Sega has come up with a whole video game based on the concept of peeing. Called the “Toylet,” the more and stronger you pee the better you do. And if that’s not weird enough for you, it gets pervy too- you can lift little girl’s skirts with your pee.
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