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The Treasure Chest of Terrible Toys: Homosexual Sci-Fi Toys

17 Nov

November 17, 2012

At the end of the post, at the end of the day, long after you’ve gone to sleep, one thought will be stuck in your head: “These toys are actually available on amazon.com.”

But that’s where I found them. These things can’t be legit, and I am sure that “fair use” does not extend to toys that are essentially repainted or shirtless major science fiction characters.

Well, I guess I teased them long enough. Let’s start with the pink Star Wars stormtroopers.

Yeah, Gay Empire figures from Suckadelic. I could not make that up if I wanted to.

OK, I could, but I wouldn’t.

Well…..

Like I said, I found it on Amazon. Only $39.95. And hurry! Only 2 left in stock! Only $39.95? You can buy a regular stormtrooper for about $10 and a can of spray paint and save yourself about $15. On the other hand, this is a collectible that is sure to go way up in value so keep that thing mint on card.

“Suckadelic.” Did Beavis and Butthead name that company? Sheesh, on to the next round.

Thank goodness they got a better printer, that card almost looks professional, and that is more than I can say for the toys. “Kirk” and “Spock” appear to be the exact same jointless body with only the heads changed.

And no phaser or tricorder accessories? What’s up with that?

$200 for this? That’s $100 each, or maybe even $125 for Spock and $75 for Kirk. I’m discounting Shatner for his direction of Star Trek V, although with that script I wonder if Orson Welles could have made a good film.

SDCC means, by the way, San Diego Comic Con. This was some sort of Comic con exclusive. Wow, comic cons have changed a lot since I used to go.

How are these available on Amazon? How has no one gotten sued? There’s only 1 left, how have none of my readers scooped this up?

So if I were to take a Darth Vader figure and wrap a feather boa around his neck, or take a Klingon figure and put him in assless chaps, could I start a company and sell them for $100 each? And what would I call my company? I’m not sure I could beat Suckadelic. I might go more subtle and call my gay toy company Blow Hard.

Kirk and Spock were long the objects of homosexual stories, but stormtroopers? What’s gay about them? (Don’t answer that.)

Late Night Movie House of Crap: Pia Zadora in Rock Aliens

15 Nov

November 15, 2012

Pia Zadora. Of her career I can only say this: She had one.

1999 Frasier (TV series) Jill (voice)
1995 Favorite Deadly Sins (TV movie) Pia Zadora
1994 Naked Gun 33 1/3: The Final Insult Pia Zadora
1990 Mother Goose Rock ‘n’ Rhyme (TV movie) Little Miss Muffet
1989 Troop Beverly Hills Pia Zadora
1988 Hairspray Beatnik Chick
1984 Pajama Tops (TV movie) Babette Latouche
1984 Voyage of the Rock Aliens Dee Dee
1983 The Lonely Lady Jerilee Randall
1982 Fake-Out Bobbie Warren
1982 Butterfly Kady Tyler
1964 Santa Claus Conquers the Martians Girmar

That’s it. From imdb.com that’s her career. (Notice that three of her credits are as herself!) I left nothing out, although she does sing and put out 7 or 8 albums and toured.
I hope she sings better than she acts. Can you explain her appeal, which I assume she must have had although I can’t see it? I admit she is kind of cute, but not cute enough to want to see her sing or act. A holiday commercial with a puppy around Christmas might be enough.

And now, as recommended by author T E Stazyk of http://testazyk.com/, here is Pia Zadora in Voyage of the Rock Aliens. It is so 1980’s it may make you sick.

And it isn’t just Ms. Zadora, the suck is spread around to the rest of the cast.

There’s more, too much more, on YouTube, but I’ve subjected you to enough.