Archive | August, 2013

Imponderable #104: Albuquerque New Mexico

9 Aug

August 9, 2013

This one is so obvious it borders on the cliché. But it is still funny!

 

dwi1

Just from his name, anyone who hired John Wayne Higgins to defend him was screwed. Look it up, the annals of crime are full of people with the middle name Wayne. John Wayne Gacy, for example.

This was not the first time John Wayne Higgins was drunk in court. Last month, he defended a client with the “I know you are but what am I?” defense, and in April, he summed up a case with “your honor, may it please the court that blearrrgh!” and vomited all over the plaintiff.

Why would a lawyer not lose his license over this?
The question is Imponderable.

Writer’s Block #1

8 Aug

August 8, 2013

On Monday I presented 11 goofy writing prompts I googled (I still refuse to capitalize that) which were actually used by American colleges and universities. This might explain the sorry state of both our American educational institutions and graduates.

Yesterday I presented the first act of President Hobo, my latest Hollywood TV pitch. While I wait with bated breath for all the big money to roll my way from bigwig TV honchos, I find myself with a blog to present tonight.

So without further ado, here is my take on writing prompt #11: You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit Page 217. (UPenn, 2009)

I Did It, So Sue Me
by bmj2k
page 217

very lucky you’re not in jail!”

                Frankly, he was right. I never did stop to think about the consequences, and I have to admit, there were plenty of warnings. But what else was I to do?  Back then, Argentina was the closest I had to home, and unless Don Pedro Almovar changed his mind, it was likely to be my only home.

                Meanwhile, my trunk had finally arrived. I guess that General Pena had finally had enough of dragging my name through the mud and he put my luggage on what must have been the slowest train in all of South America. I can’t blame him for the shabby treatment, after what we went through I wouldn’t have done any better by him.                       

Recently released CIA photograph of me on my way to the Asmodeus Summit

Recently released top secret CIA surveillance photo of me on my way to the Asmodeus Summit

               Project Asodeus made my reputation, but it also marked the beginning of the end of my relationship with Washington DC. Once I committed, I had to recognize that I would never be welcomed back in the White House, never sit in the Oval Office and sip cocoa with foreign ambassadors and never, never again, would I be asked to attend security briefings.

               Perhaps my only regret about the operation in Argentina is the fact that I had to leave it unfinished. I recall my last conversation in the field. “Dammit, you might be the President of The United States but in this operation I’m calling the shots.”