Archive | 12:00 am

I admit it. I failed.

6 Aug

August 6, 2013

I tried to write a blog for today but I just couldn’t. I have writer’s block and – worse! I turned to the internet for writing prompts. The last time I did this was almost exactly four years ago when I came across the horrible, horrible Creative Writing Tips from Dakota State University, Madison, South Dakota.

I went to google and did a search for “offbeat writing prompts.” While I was there, the NSA read all of my email, copied all of my passwords, and recorded all the documents on my hard drive, including the fan letter I wrote to Carly Rae Jepsen which I SWEAR is just a joke, really, I wasn’t going to send that!

Anyway, here is a list of 11 Offbeat College Essay Topics which I am going to use in the coming days. All of these were actually asked for by real colleges around this great land of ours, God help us all:

1. How do you feel about Wednesday? (University of Chicago, 2002)

2. What outrages you? (Wake Forest, 2009) (I should let Keyes take this one.)

3. Write a haiku, limerick, or short poem that best represents you. (NYU, 2009)

4. In the year 2050, a movie is being made of your life. Please tell us the name of your movie and briefly summarize the story line. (NYU, 2009)

5. Are we alone? (Tufts, 2009)

6. What is college for? (Hampshire College, 2009) (Notice they did not ask “what is college good for?”)

7. Please describe a daily routine or tradition of yours that may seem ordinary to others but holds special meaning for you. Why is this practice significant to you? (Barnard, 2009)

8. Make a bold prediction about something in the year 2020 that no one else has made a bold prediction about. (University of Virginia, 1999)(Veal-loving elves!)

9. Write a short story using one of the following titles: a.) House of Cards, b.)The Poor Sport, c.) Drama at the Prom, d.) Election Night, 2044, e.) The Getaway. (Tufts, 2009)

10. How did you get caught? (Or not caught, as the case may be.) (Chicago, 2009)

11. You have just completed your 300-page autobiography. Please submit Page 217. (UPenn, 2009)

Now if I were making the list, it would include:

 Who the Hell do you think you are?

What the fuck?

Are you talking to me?

Anyway, I’m going to get to work on these essays, just as soon as I finish that Carly Rae Jepson letter.


Sigh... oh Carly, my Carly...

Sigh… oh Carly, my Carly…



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