Film Review: After Earth (2013) by Captain Pigheart

19 Jun

I’ve reblogged this from Captain Pigheart because not only is it absolutely hysterical, it is also far better than I could have done, especially when you consider that I have not seen the film. I urge you to click the link and follow Captain Pigheart for great movie reviews, fiction, pirate tales, and much more Lego than you’d expect from a man who has achieved the rank of Captain. Before I turn you over to the Captain, I urge you to A- follow his blog and B- think twice before you see any film with Jaden Smith. Ask yourself this- do YOU want to be responsible for making him a movie star? I think not.

Captain Pigheart

I’m really torn about whether to write this review or not. It’s scarcely worth wasting words on, and yet they feel like they need to be extracted from my brain. I also keep hearing “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”. But that’s total bollocks of course, it’s exactly that anodyne mentality which permits others to be racist and do terrible things to one another: I don’t have anything nice to say about Mr David Cameron so I’ll say nothing about his selfish bullshit lies and political destruction of our economy, freedoms and infrastructure. Or I can just call him a monstrous twat and move on.

Ah, we seem to have begun this review without intending to. Judge me then by my actions.
After Earth is the freshly excreted crappuloid effort of director M. Night Shyamalan. In his defence (or to at least…

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2 Responses to “Film Review: After Earth (2013) by Captain Pigheart”

  1. T E Stazyk June 23, 2013 at 11:20 pm #

    Good one. I don’t even want to watch the trailer!

    The trouble is, the things he complains about are examples of how movie makers think today–you don’t need logic, you can insult the intelligence of the viewer and use every boring overworked plot cliché as long as you have the latest in fancy computer special effects and a name star. Yawn.


    • bmj2k June 23, 2013 at 11:21 pm #

      What the Captain left out, and I read this in many other reviews, is how this film was heavily and strongly influenced by Scientology. Smith keeps it on the down-low but he is a major contributor to those clowns.


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