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Your New American Idol, Some Guy Who Sounds Like Every Other Guy.

27 May

May 27, 2010

American Idol ended tonight, thank God.

Oh, I don’t mean it ended forever, but now that Simon Cowell is leaving, and Don Rickles is too old to replace him as the nice judge,  FOX may as well start looking for a replacement now. (My suggestion? Bring back Herman’s Head.)

And did you see that FOX is giving Craig Kilborn his own show? This will go over big with people who think that Dennis Miller does not make enough obscure references and believe that Donald Trump’s ego is too small. My over-under for “Cragiers” is three weeks, four if FOX can’t lure back Chevy Chase.

But I digress. American Idol picked a new Idol tonight, a guy who really represents America, some guy who sounds like every other guy, sings like every other guy, looks like every other guy, and sells paint. Lee DeWeezie, named after Isabelle Sanford, has a second chin and looks like most of the guys behind the counter in your local pizza place.

If America really wanted an Idol that reflected what the country is all about, they should have picked Crystal Bowersocks, an uneducated single mom with no job and teeth a nice soothing shade of grey. (In all fairness, they should have picked her because her voice blew Weezie off the map. She really is good.) Don’t feel too sorry for her, soon you will be able to pick up a pair of “Crystal’s Bower Socks” at a shoe shop near you.

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