I fought the law and the law wrecked my headlight

18 Nov

from January 19, 2009

I was driving down Stillwell Avenue. I was going to Staples to make some copies. I was wearing my seatbelt and, due to the light snow, not going too fast.

As I neared Staples I slowed, put on my blinker, and, seeing the road was clear, I started to turn into the parking lot.

All of a sudden, out of nowhere, a police car tried to zoom around me on the left. It had veered into the oncoming traffic lane and tried to zip around me. It did not even come close to making it. BTW- no lights, no sirens.

WHAM! I had to think quickly. I had only a millisecond to make a decision. “Finally,” I thought as we collided, “this is it. I can finally use the Frank Costanza move!” Just at the point of impact, I whipped out my right arm to grope my busty female companion in the guise of stopping her from going through the windshield. Too bad I was alone.

In a showcase of driving only rivaled by Captain Sully in the Hudson River, I slowly rolled into the parking lot.

To save any suspense of those of you who might actually care, I was fine. I was also totally in the right, as evidenced by the officers not issuing me a single summons or citation, and also by their very sheepish attitudes. The car didn’t do so well. I lost the driver’s side headlight and got yet more body damage on the side.

The accident happened at about 2:30. By 4 o’clock I had spoken to three officers, a captain, and a lieutenant. My car had been photographed twice. My license was run at least twice. At four o’clock the lieutenant got into the passenger seat with me, ostensibly to get out of the snow but maybe to, I don’t know, commit some police brutality. Like everyone else, he asked for my license. I took it out and, obviously/not obviously, let him see my Detectives Association card, which trumps a mere PBA card. He asked who was on the force. I told him. Without going into it, this is not just a card some guy gave to me, I really have a guy on the force. A Coney Island detective, no less. This was legit.

So I went through the story again, and as always I was all “yes officer, no officer.” I was thanked by like half a task force today for being so polite and cooperative. And why not? I don’t need the Abner Louima treatment, thank you very much.

So it was after 4, I still didn’t make my copies, but I figured that if I waited another hour I’d get to meet Ray Kelly or Mayor Bloomberg. However, I did not.

By 4:30 it was all over but the shouting. And the $171 it would cost me to replace the headlight. And who knows what down the line for the bodywork.

One Response to “I fought the law and the law wrecked my headlight”


  1. Beware the Ides of… January? « Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride - March 8, 2011

    […] Want to read my original, much longer, possibly funny blog about the 2009 accident? Click here. […]


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