Archive | 9:56 am

Breakfast- The Most Important Meal of the Day

11 Nov

from June 30, 2007

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride wold like to Congratulate BMJ2K – Winner of the 2007 NAACP Image Award on his Outstanding Achievement.

NOTE: The following originally appeared in Woman’s Day Magazine, February 2006, under the pseudonym “Breakfast Betty”

Breakfast has long been known as “the most important meal of the day.” Indeed, though there has been fierce competition from both brunch and dinner, it has always been the morning meal which gives us the strength to make it through our rough days.

Back in the badly misnamed “dawn of time” (misnamed because time actually began about six months earlier) the early hominids that would later evolve to become both the human race and the French (“la culture de la sauce crémeuse“) lived in a state of near-perpetual hunger. During the day fierce predators roamed, and at night the scavengers came out. Early man would hunt in the twilight and try to find whatever sustenance they could. It wasn’t until the discovery of fire led to the innovation of bacon and eggs did humanity’s ancestors feel secure and able to meet the daylight hours. Hash browns soon followed, then coffee, then the pyramids, and then, ultimately, The Federalist Papers.

In today’s modern age, it seems silly to look back just a few decades and realize that our great-grandparents never had the opportunity to eat an Egg McMuffin. Nor did they drink Sunny Delight or Hi-C. (Both of which, by the way, contain no more than 10% juice.)

The Egg McMuffin was created by a McDonald’s franchisee who wanted to increase his profits. He reasoned that his restaurant was only open half the day, but if he opened during the morning hours he would increase sales in the previously closed early hours. He hit upon the McMuffin because it could be easily made on existing McDonald’s equipment. (True story- look it up.)

Today, McMuffin-penetration in our urban areas is fast-approaching 98%. There is not a man, woman, pre- or post-op transsexual, or child who does not have the opportunity for a hearty morning McMuffin.

The question is not, of course, whether or not to eat an Egg McMuffin for breakfast. The question becomes where do you eat your McMuffin? Important as breakfast is, many of us take the McMuffin for granted. Eating on the subway or in your car is not breakfast. Eating at your desk and dripping crumbs on your computer isn’t breakfast. Neither is gobbling your McMuffin while trying to sell a house. (If you are a realtor, this is also not a good way to sell a home.)

Breakfast should be the most human and humane meal of the day. Lunch is often just whenever you can squeeze it in. Dinner is a hassle to be endured with your family or a bad date.

Breakfast, however,  should be the basis of a good day.

Heed my advice: Make a good breakfast the center of your morning. Take it from Breakfast Betty- this column would not have possible without a strong morning meal of pancakes and vodka.

Dear Mr.-

11 Nov

from June 25, 2007

Dear Mr.-

I know that I was never ontime for you’re class but I tried to get there except it was the trains always be late that made me not get there.

I tryed real hard and got a 65 on my final. I did alot of the homeworks and I really need to pass.

I remember when we read that “The Child Called It” book that the guy never missed school and he got beat up by his friends and his daddy. I learned about children abuse from that book.

I hope you can pass me with a 75 or 80 because my moms will be all up in my grill if I don’t  pass good all my classes this year.

THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME!

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Dear Student:

Thank you for the thoughtful letter. I have taken the time to go back to my grade book to see if I can give you the grade you requested.

ATTENDANCE

You were absent 37 times and late 17 times. This is far below the 90% expected by the school.

HOMEWORK

You only handed in 3 out of the 38 assignments I collected.

TESTS AND QUIZZES

You missed the mid-term and all but one of the quizzes. You scored 34 on test #2 and 65 on the final.

I am very sorry, but your final grade will be 50.

Good Luck Next Year

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 Dear Mr.-:

 I think that because I passed the final and I tried real hard I deserve for you to give me a 75 for the class. I think your not fair on this. You needs to know that sometimes we can’t do all the work because it is too hard and maybe other teacdhers gave us work too.

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Dear Student:

According to school policy, you must automatically fail English because of your attendance. There is nothing I could do, even if I felt that you deserve to pass, which I do not. This cannot be changed.

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Dear Ms. –

 That isn’t fair and that isn’t the grades I deserve. If it isn’t fixed I will call the head of the school system so I think this needs a change!!!!!!

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Dear Student:

Call whomever you like, I will not pass you since you did not meet the minimum grades for passing.

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Deer Ms.

You suck

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This was a real exchange, but only the first two letters were actually written. The rest was a “conversation” between a “student” and me. I get stuff like this all the time.