Tag Archives: Torgo

In Search of… The Devil’s Footprints

21 Feb

February 21, 2013

ISO footprints cropped

Religious scholars have long pondered the mysteries of the spiritual world. Does God exist? What happens when we die? Do humans have an eternal soul? For thousands of years the most wise and learned men of religious academia have tried to answer these questions and failed. However, they have succeeded in making one major religious discovery: Satan does not wear sneakers.

In England, on the night of February 8th 1855 after a heavy snowfall, a series of hoof-like marks appeared in the snow. These footprints, most of which measured around four inches long, three inches across, between eight and sixteen inches apart and mostly in a single file, were reported from over thirty locations across Devon and a couple in Dorset. It was estimated that the total distance of the tracks amounted to between 40 and 100 miles. Houses, rivers, haystacks and other obstacles were travelled straight over, and footprints appeared on the tops of snow-covered roofs and high walls which lay in the footprints’ path, as well as leading up to and exiting various drain pipes as small as four inches in diameter. There were also rumors about sightings of a “devil-like figure” in the Devon area during the scare. Many townspeople armed themselves and attempted to track down the beast responsible, without success.


Clearly, this is ridiculous. Everyone knows that Satan is a slick-looking man in a tuxedo with a pencil mustache.

Theories abound. One theory says that a man in a hot air balloon dangled his feet just above the ground and let them touch the earth and then lifted back into the sky and over any obstacles. Another theory says that it was an escaped kangaroo. Escaped from where? Australia I guess. Another theory, one advanced clearly for the comedy aspect, claims that it was made by hopping mice.

Yeah, hopping mice.

Frankly, there have been much more interesting theories put forth, mostly from the alternative press.

 footprints for satan

The truth, as they say, is out there. And this one is way out there.  Way out of print, that is. Trust me, in my role as a serious paranormal investigator I have attempted to track down that book for years. They say you can’t judge a book by its cover but in this case I don’t care. Look at it! Now that’s what we paranormal researchers call a book!

But back to England, 1855. Few people know that Devon was the center of a secret devil cult whose attempts to summon The Master often met with mixed results. It was this cult that was responsible for The Devil’s Footprints that cold British winter. From my own archives of the occult I present this rare postcard.


Throughout that cold winter, the minions of these evil men tramped over the countryside to spread the evil and corruption of The Devil. And while it was not Satan himself who spread the cloven tracks across the country, it was one of his goat-legged minions.

Torgo Walking

Who Reads Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride?

18 Jul

July 18, 2010



“I like to read Misses Blog at the library before they kick me out. I like to see the boobies on Erin Andrews. I used to pilot a UFO.”

Peter Fong

“Mister Blog reads like a litany of man’s inhumanity against man, in the dystopian tradition. It is a satire on the neo-classical form. I read it on my laptop during lunch because no one will sit next to me.”

Lucille Goldberg

Lucille Goldberg

“We read the Tepid Ride while we are on the throne.”


“OMG! It is like THE BEST dating site out there! IMHO I will NVR! find a better place to meet guys! I am 35 yrs old, nvr married, and have a collection of medieval clothing you MUST SEE TO BELIEVE! I love the beach (DUH!) and PRAYER to my own GOD. True believers and non-smokers only, plz.”

The Master

Torgo says: “The Master is never displeased wth Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride. The Master says that Mr. Blog is his gateway to world dominion. Torgo logs on for The Master everyday so he will not be punished.”

Doctor Nadir

“The lucky ones are dead. All other Earthlings will be subjected to our Martian Mr. Blog camps where they will be forced to read Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride until they writhe in agony, hee hee HEE!”


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