Tag Archives: sandwiches

Cereal Killers: Frankenberry Vs. Cap’n Crunch

24 Oct

October 24, 2013

We had a team-building day at The Company I Am employed by. This was odd because:
 A- Our team has not changed.
 B- There are only 4 members of my team.
 and C- No one else had a team-building day.

We began by having one-on-one interviews with our superiors from Langley Wilmington. It seems to me that one-on-ones totally defeat the point of team-building but what do I know? I’m only college educated. Next, each member of the team gave updates on whatever projects we have going on. Sound like fun yet? This was followed by lunch. Counting our superiors and one extra person from a related area who sat in, there were seven people in the room. They brought in enough sandwiches for, easily, five times that number, and that assumes that each of us would eat three sandwiches each. Which none of us did. Oddly, all these sandwiches were accompanied by four personal bottles of water (for seven people) and a two liter bottle of Coke. (Trust me, I got both a bottle of water and a glass of Coke. I felt pretty privileged, believe you me.) there was also some salad and some pasta salad, in more or less appropriate amounts.

After lunch, it was game time. Sigh.

We were split into teams (one of us was the “host”) and played a game where we were asked questions at random and awarded a point for no readily discernible reason. When it was my turn I was asked “if you could be one cereal box character, who would it be? My response? Frankenberry. Why? Because he is big and strong, yet friendly, and with Halloween around the corner I am sure to clean up when it comes to trick-or-treating. (Yes, I am an adult.)

This caused an argument.

Why not Count Chocula?
He can only go out at night.

Why not Boo Berry?
He’s an intangible ghost.

Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy have their own drawbacks as well.

Why not Captain Crunch?

Now it’s on!

battleberry

But Captain Crunch is a Captain!
He’s been a captain his whole career. If he was so hot he’d be an admiral or a commodore by now. (Commodore Crunch has a nice ring to it.)

He’s a decorated war hero!
Not only do I not buy that, but his ship is made of wood. Not exactly state of the art. Plus look at his uniform. I’m not totally convinced that he’s an American captain. War hero? For all I know, he could be a war criminal.

He has authority!
He has no authority over land.

And that won me the argument. My teammate totally lost it and cracked up and the other side had to admit that Cap’n Crunch’s jurisdiction did not extend to land-based trick-or-treating, especially over civilians.

So my side won, although there was no prize (except maybe whatever the point of team-building is, which eluded me and my team, who have been together for a year and a half.)

On the other hand, we all won because once the game was over, we were all allowed to leave work early.

Score!

Eddie Part Three: The End of Eddie

17 Jan

January 17, 2013

(Smelly People I Have Known Part 5)

Despite the impression I may have given, Eddie was not long for the store. He was barely there two weeks. Eddie, however, left a long impression on the store. It took a long time to forget him, especially the way he left.

For whatever reason, Eddie had been saying from the first day he started that if he did not get paid $2,000 he was quitting. That was the ray of hope in my life because no way was a part-time minimum-wage employee going to get a paycheck for that much money. The easy thing to say is that he should have done the math. There was no way he could possibly come up with $2,000, but I think the hardest math Eddie was capable of was “I only have one sock on today, how many socks am I wearing?” And I am not confident that he would always get the correct answer, in part becuase he did not always wear socks.

       homeless-guy                

Eddie started on a Monday and Friday was payday. That is, for everyone else but the new hires. When you get a paycheck it is for the week before so Eddie and the others had to wait for their second Friday to get paid. (I once had a part-time job where, due to a payroll error, I didn’t get paid for four weeks. That was total misery.) Eddie did not understand the concept. It was Friday, Friday was payday, so he should get paid. No matter how much the bosses tried to explain to him that he hasn’t even worked an entire week, Eddie was angry- ANGRY! AND YELLING!- that he was getting ripped off, this was not right, not fair, etc. etc. etc. Somehow they calmed him down and he, in a very surly way, told them that if they were lying and he did not get paid next week there would be trouble.

Next week came and luckily Eddie got paid.
The bad news? He did not get $2,000.

Saw all this for myself.

The paychecks came in and most of us were gathered by the side office to get our checks. It may sound like lemming behavior but many of us carpooled together to the bank on our lunch hours, hence the crowd.

Eddie got his check and examined it minutely. Literally. He held it close to his eyes and squinted at it. He held it up to the light and studied it. He looked on the back, he looked on the front, he pulled off the perforated part and put that through the same scrutiny. So what was the problem?  His paycheck was only for $131.

This was not in the back by the break room, it was not in the stock area, this was all happening in the front of the store, by the registers, near the front windows, and in full view of all the customers. He yelled “no, no, NO, NO, NO!!!” and marched to the front office and demanded to see Brian, the manager who gave him the check.

Brian wasn’t there but the manager who was wanted no part of Eddie. Brian had, just a second or two ahead of Eddie, left the store to go to lunch and the manager told Eddie he’d have to wait for Brian to come back. Eddie was not about to wait. He glanced out the window and saw Brian walking through the parking lot. Eddie ran after him and caught up and grabbed him by the shirt. Brian spun around and (I am going on a combination of lip-reading and common sense) and said “what the fuck are you doing!” Eddie repeatedly pointed to his paycheck and said something like “this isn’t enough money-“ before Brian yelled “get the fuck back to the store!” and very angrily pointed to the building.

Eddie came back in, muttering to himself. I picked up things like “they are stealing from me,” and “this isn’t right.” He got his jacket from the back and that was the last I ever saw of him.

Eventually the rest of new hires wore out their welcome as well, and we never saw the likes of them again, at least not until Carolyn started hiring her relatives.

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