Tag Archives: Ozzy

Allan Keyes Presents Two Massively Underrated Movies

24 Sep

September 24, 2012

Everyone knows the hits, the best movies: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Titanic, Ishtar etc. etc. But it’s the underrated movies that need some love. So I’m here to recommend two movies that are well worth watching even though you may have totally overlooked them.

The Jerky Boys  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110189/

You’re familiar with the Jerky Boys right? The phone gag  guys? The fella  who does Mort Goldman (aka Sol Rosenberg ripoff) on the Family Guy?

                 

     

Incidentally, if you’ve never listened to these guys, do yourself a favor and pick up some of their albums. HILARIOUS. “Look Jerky, I don’t need to talk to you!”

This one is totally counterintuitive. It’s a movie based on two guys who do phone gags. How could it possibly be good?  Yet it is not only good…..it’s hysterical. It follows the adventures of “two low lifes from queens” who get mixed up with the mob and have to constantly talk their way out of trouble using an ever-present handy phone (or intercom or megaphone or whatever) to befuddle bumbling mobsters with their array of awful fake voices.  Do you have to be familiar with the Jerkies to laugh at this film? I won’t lie, it helps with some of the jokes, including seeing what a prick Brett Weir is, and the big reveal that old “Uncle Freddy” is really the capo de tuti capo.  But really, if you’re being exposed to Tarbash the Egyptian Magician, Sol Rosenberg  or Frank Rizzo for the first time…..it’s  still pretty damn funny.

This film is notable for a cameo by Ozzy, finding out his show has been upstaged by a band that’s way beneath him…..

In the meantime, a B (C?) level film of this caliber has some shockingly good talent attached to it: Vinny Pastore as (what else?) a mobster, and Alan Arkin(!) as the Mob Boss. You’ve never seen good cinema until you’ve seen a couple of fatsos shimmy down two stories using a string of “cock-dogs” as a rope (yeah….don’t ask)

Malibu’s Most Wanted   http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0328099/

Another shocking entry, mainly because Jamie Kennedy is dreadfully unfunny in just about everything he’s ever done.

Exhibit A:

Son of the Mask:

 

 Exhibit B:

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…………………….feh

Anyway, this film is hysterical.  Jamie Kennedy is Brad, the clueless son of the CA governor, who is in a tough election fight. Unfortunately for the Gov. and his staff (including Blair Underwood playing his best Carlton from Fresh Prince impersonation ) Brad really fancies himself as “B-Rad” (get it?!), rapper and all-around wigger. Think Eminem, except with some talent (HA! See what I did there??)

 

Anyway, “B-Rad” is causing the Gov. electoral troubles, so he hires some gangstas to really show him the hood, and put the fear of god into him. Well…he doesn’t exactly hire gangstas like this:

 

(and rest assured that here at Mr. BTR, we remain netural in all gang and rap wars. We learned our lesson from the Polka Wars back in the 80’s)

No, he hires “gangsters” like this:

That’s right….Anthony Anderson and Not Tommy Davison are really two effete actors who couldn’t pass for street if they were the only people left on earth. Even the plants and microbes and the sun would laugh at them. But they’re the perfect guys to throw a scare into delusional son-of-Gov.  Well OF COURSE, these two clueless gits wind up losing B-Rad in the REAL ghetto -you can tell it’s the real ghetto, because one of the gangstas is helpfully played by the awesome Terry Crews:


(On a related note, I’ll actually stick a 3rd underrated film in here: Idiocracy, where Crews plays President Camacho. I’d vote for him over Obama or Romney any day!)

 

And OF COURSE, B-Rad, through his own cluelessness, becomes the king of the ghetto (Dubbed “White Kong”) after singlehandedly defeating a rival gang in a shootout:

 

Now into this, let’s add Brad’s just-as-clueless and just-as-wannabe friends, who get word and feel they have to rescue him.

 

That’s right….Kumar and two other dopes charge off to the rescue, ready to fight the hood with an antique blunderbuss and a speargun. And yet, it somehow works!

This is one of those rare films that shows that Blacks and Whites are equally clueless. Both hardcore gangbanger and klansman can enjoy a belly laugh over this film. AND YOU SHOULD TOO!! (assuming that our readership does in fact have other people besides gangbangers and klansmen among its number) 

Anyway, hopefully you watch these two films and enjoy as much as I do! Next week I’ll review The Innocence of Muslims!

This is an actual screen cap from that “film.”

They’re Going Off the Rails on a Crazy Train

29 Aug

August 29, 2010

From the Total Irony Department, some North Carolina ghost hunters were killed when the ghost train they were searching for turned out not to be a ghost but a real iron and steel locomotive. In a shocking turn of events, one ghost hunter was himself killed and turned into a ghost.

The Ghost Train, a play by Arnold Ridley, 1925. When will people learn to stop messing with ghost trains?

The incident happened at the intersection of Stupidity Street and Gullible Avenue, where the train tracks run along a trestle high above a river. Twelve amateur sleuths were caught standing in the middle of the tracks listening for the sounds of a ghost train dating back to an accident in 1891, where a group of people standing in the middle of the trestle listening for a train were killed. Somehow, they managed to miss the sounds of the absolutely-not-a-ghost train bearing down on them.

One man was killed, two people were seriously injured, and the other nine deserve some serious slaps to the back of their heads and a chorus of “what the fuck were you thinking?”

 Local officials claim that the wannabe Scooby Gang never saw Stand By Me.

In other news….

Wyclef Releases Protest Song

Wyclef  is using music to voice his feelings over the recent ruling that he is ineligible to run for president of Haiti.  The former Fugees rapper has released a song in Creole called “Prizon Pou K.E.P.A.,” which means “Prison for the Electoral Council” in English. Clef announced the release of his song on Twitter Wednesday night by saying, quote, “We want equal rights and justice!”  The song can be heard at Jean’s blog, WyclefJean.wordpress.com.  Last Friday it was announced that Wyclef didn’t meet Haiti’s residency requirements and was ineligible to run in the November 28th election.  Earlier this week it was reported that he will not be able to appeal the decision.

Glad he’s writing songs we can all relate to, because I can’t be President of Haiti either. Who needs protest songs about civil rights? This one will catch all of our hearts. And in Creole! The man is a genius. Sheesh.