Tag Archives: Mel Gibson

The Mel Gibson or Charlie Sheen Game

28 Feb

February 28, 2011

How well do you know your Hollywood lunatics?

Five of these quotes are from crazy Hollywood racist Mel Gibson. The other five are from loony Hollywood maniac Charlie Sheen. Try to identify who said what. Answers are below. No peeking!

A- “I am one tough motherfucker and you can’t bother me anymore. You ask anybody what their number one fear is and it’s public humiliation. Multiply that on a global scale and that’s what I’ve been through. It changes you and makes you one tough motherfucker. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

B- “I’ll apologize when hell freezes over. They can fuck off.”

C- “I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. It’s over. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”

D- “I’m not Thomas Jefferson. He was a pussy.”

E- “I’m sorry man, I got magic and I’ve got poetry in my fingertips, you know, most of the time, and this includes naps. I’m an F-18, bro.”

F- “I want to kill him…I want his intestines on a stick… I want to kill his dog.”

G- “I am battle-tested bayonets, bro.”

H- “I own Malibu… I am going to fuck you.”

I- “I am going to come and burn the fucking house down… but you will blow me first.”

J- “It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”

BONUS QUESTION

Which celebrity designer said this?

“You’re so ugly I can’t bear looking at you. You’re wearing cheap boots, cheap thigh boots. You’ve got no hair, your eyebrows are ugly, you’re ugly, you’re nothing but a whore.”
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ANSWERS
Mel Gibson said A, B, F, H, and I
Charlie Sheen said C, D, E, G,and J
John Galiano is the asshole designer.

The All-New Hell’s Kitchen, September 2010: C-List Celebrity Edition

24 Sep

September 23, 2010

Gordon Ramsey has returned to FOX television. Astute viewers may remember him from FOX television’s MasterChef, FOX television’s Kitchen Nightmares, and FOX television’s Gordon Ramsey: Cookalong Live. Despite being off the air for almost seven days, FOX is sure that Mr. Ramsey remains strong in viewer’s memories.

For this year’s edition of Hell’s Kitchen, Gordon Ramsey has again stirred the pot and created a stew of beefy competition. This season, Hell’s Kitchen competitors will be drawn from the world of former celebrities, has-beens, and never-weres.

Out first competitor comes from the world sex, drugs, and rock and roll. OK, mostly drugs. A lot of drugs. Here is…. Artie Lange!

Mr. Lange should provide some stiff competition, if he can remain sober. And alive.

Out next competitor is best, or only, known from the 80’s sitcom The Facts of Life, and nothing else since. We all remember nerdy Natalie, here is…. Mindy Cohn!

We all love Natalie, but where would she be without the rivalry of her snooty roommate Blair?

Yes, our next contestant is Blair Warner herself, Lisa Welchel!

Geri Jewell could not be reached for comment.

Returning to the men’s team, straight from the Soviet Union (via Roanoke Virginia), we have 1980’s WWF heel,  Boris Zhukov!

Staying with the theme of “sports entertainment,” we now move to the co-owner of a team that is neither competitive in sports nor entertaining, the New York Mets very own inept owner, Jeff Wilpon!

If history is any indication, Jeff Wilpon will be out of the competition early. Very early.

Moving back to the women’s side, or not, depending on your point of view, we have…. Divine!

Our next competitor may be our most controversial. He’s been in the news a lot lately, and we expect he’ll have a lot to say, here is…. Mel Gibson!

Mel has agreed to compete only on the condition of anonymity.

For our last two competitors, Gordon Ramsey has saved the best for last. This year, he has gone out of the box. Far, far out of the box.

We present…. Pepe Le Pew!

And, daringly, a kabuki mask!

Gordon Ramsey continues his streak of must-see television! In addition to the stars above, he’s even gone to the lengths of raiding the land of the dead!

Special bonus chef… John Belushi!

FOX television is proud to be the network of Gordon Ramsey, 52 weeks each year, non-stop. We hope that you will stay with FOX later this month for the premiers of Kitchen Nightmares: Mystery of the McDonald’s Grease, and Gordon Ramsey’s Junior Chefs, the competition for five to ten-year olds who like to play with fire.