Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride

July 1, 2012

You ever see a commercial that just sets your teeth on edge because you HATE it so much?  This one currently airing from KFC is so mind-bogglingly stupid that when it comes on I find myself wishing for a baseball bat the size of Rhode Island so I can beat the hell out of this stupid planet……*deep breath*

Here’s the commercial I can’t stand:

First of all, I’m glad to see Larry Wilcox finally getting some work
 

That’s about the extent of what’s good about this idiocy. Well that and that there’s no Erik Estrada to be found here. Unless he’s in the Telemundo version of this commercial.

So we start off with grandpa and grandson fighting over….”Mashed Potatas” vs.  “MacENNcheese”.   It’s witty banter of a level not seen since the Lincoln-Douglas debates.  *SIGH* Remember the old days when family would fight over meaningful things such as Vietnam, or Yanks/Red Sox, or who used up most of a 12-pack of t-paper in just under a week?  Yeah, the good old days. Now we’re stuck with family feuds over fast food side dishes.  Somewhere the Hatfields and McCoys are spinning in their graves. Now THOSE guys knew about feudin’ and fussin!

Anyway, these two beta males get into a half-assed staredown. Gimme a break, these two losers couldn’t intimidate ANYONE. Posers. You know who does the world greatest staredown? This guy:

Now THIS is a real man. If he went to KFC with you, and he wanted that nasty broccoli thing they serve instead of Mac and Cheese, he’d get it. And you wouldn’t say a word about it. Larry David = ALPHA DOG. These other two guys can’t hang.

Anyway, these two putzs are at such an impasse that they decide the only way to settle it is to…….wrestle. Yes, Grandfather takes up fisticuffs on his beloved grandson over gloppy starches.   And they actually start to lock up like it’s a WWE match!  HOLY SH*T!!  Grandpa has some skills! It’s like he’s the reincarnation of Dennis Rodman from his ill-fated WCW stint:

With proper training he could be awarded the WWE Intercontinental title at a Rio De Janeiro tournament!   Anyway, grandpa goes to the wrestling so quickly, I get the feeling that future Sunday family dinners will feature Mr. Fuji accompanying him to the dining room.

Nothing says Thanksgiving like Mr. Fuji in your living room.

So the world’s 2^nd lamest wrestling match ever begins (the #1 worst? Big Boss Man vs Al Snow in a “Kennel in a Cell” match) and in walks Mom and Dad with the grub! They’ll put a stop to things!

…………….or not. Evidentally, Mom really hates her life, because the scenario of her father and son brawling over foodstuffs seems to really amuse her. THE OLD MAN CAN BREAK A HIP! How amusing will that be?  This commercial is so gob-smackingly insulting to intelligence that my brain slapped me for watching.

Yeah, I watch too much TV. I really need to get out more.

On the other hand, it could be worse. It could’ve been THIS KFC commercial:

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO THIS GENTLEMAN, WHO DOUBTLESS WOULD OPT FOR BOTH THE MASHED AND MAC:

Mr. Blog here. In honor of Mr. Fuji, allow me to present this classic episode of Fuji Vice:

Tags: Allan Keyes, bmj2k, curb your Enthusiasm. Mr. Fuji, Dennis Rodman, fat guy eating cheeseburger, fat guy eating kfc, Fuji Vice, Karl Malone, Kentucky Fried Chicken, Larry David, Larry Wilcox, Mr. Blog, Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride, Mr. BTR, WWE, WWF