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Tag Archives: Gilligan’s Island

NEWSFLASH! Volcano Erupts, Sinks Gilligan’s Island

26 May

May 26, 2015

Here’s a news story you may have missed:

Howell fortune

Here’s the text:

VOLCANO ERUPTS, SINKS GILLIGAN’S ISLAND
Thurston Howell III Fortune Feared Lost

AP News Service May 5th, 1981

A volcanic eruption which sunk a small South Pacific island may also have sunk the fortunes of one of America’s most celebrated millionaires.

After weeks of oceanic tremors, scientists confirm that a volcano erupted on the island of Palu Makalu, popularly known as “Gilligan’s Island” since the discovery and rescue of the survivors of the S.S. Minnow shipwreck in 1978. The island is now submerged in the depths off the continental shelf.

Among the survivors was eccentric millionaire Thurston Howell III, who made his fortune in the stock market in the post-war era. He later founded Howell Industries, which produced everything from ticker-tape to typewriter ribbons. Although profits had been declining in later years, due to the changing of technology, he recently doubled his assets after winning a bet on the Harlem Globetrotters to beat their robotic duplicates, in a match played at his resort on the island.

A spokesman for Mr. Howell released the following statement:

“The rumors of the loss of the Howell fortune are greatly exaggerated. When the island sank, it took with it 55 trunks of cash and bonds, which Thurston Howell III buried on the island to keep it safely away from the constant misadventures of Gilligan. However, Mr. Howell has invested heavily in new technologies, and we are confident that his acquisition of controlling interest in Betamax tape and 8-track cartridge corporations will position Howell Industries for future success in the 80’s and beyond.”

The other castaways, reacting to the loss of their island home of 14 years, universally blamed Gilligan for causing the eruption with one of his silly blunders.

In a related story, scientists say the Palu Makalu tribe of native headhunters may now be extinct.

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Imponderable #108: Australia

13 Sep

September 13, 2013

In real life, Castaway doesn’t always have a happy ending. But in this case it does.

croc1

I’m not going to denigrate the danger of the crocodile. A 20-foot croc vs. and 8-foot boat? Croc wins. But I have to wonder about this island? How small was it? From the evidence (he “pulled his kayak as far as he could get it and headed cross country back to his camp.”) it isn’t tiny. So the Imponderable is: This is an island, so why didn’t he drag his kayak to the other side of it and take off from there? Even Gilligan and the Skipper knew enough to stay off the end of the island with the cannibals on it. (Remember that episode? The cannibals were played by old men from the Yiddish theater.) The island is big and the kayak is heavy, some might argue, but I say that in two weeks he could have moved it.

Why did he insist on leaving from a point right next to the croc?
The question is Imponderable.

headhunter

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