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The Celebrity Apprentice: Week Ten

22 Apr

April 22, 2012

We lost Mr. Blog favorite Paul Senior last week. A moment of silence please.

Looking at the final seven, let’s see who has no shot at winning.
Penn? No. What has he done to distinguish himself?
Teresa and Dayana have each taken a lot of garbage this season, some of it deserved, some of it not. But look at them by themselves, neither has done much to stand out from the crowd.

Clay. Arsenio. Lisa. Aubrey. These should be the final four. My pick to win at this moment? Clay.

“I’m here for myself, I’m here for my charity, and I don’t have anyone’s back.” That was Aubrey setting the tome for tonight’s show even before the credits rolled.

THE TASK: Create an in-store display for Macy’s promoting a new fragrance in Trump’s line, Success by Trump.
THE PROJECT MANAGERS: Aubrey with Arsenio and Teresa vs. Clay with Lisa, Dayana, and Penn.

Everyone’s favorite George Ross is back tonight! Ok, he’s my favorite anyway.

Here is why Penn should not be the next Celebrity Apprentice: He backed out. He did not want to lead this task. So here is Clay as the project manager for the second time while Penn, who has not yet led, ran away because, as he said, he did not feel comfortable.

Clay: “Penn had an idea he was totally in love with. It made me wonder why I was project manager and not him, why did he not step up?” The problem was he did step up, in the brainstorming session, and it was all him. So again, why wasn’t he leading? Could this just be a plan to make Clay look weak?

On the other team, Aubrey pitched a theory to the Macy’s executives that proved that she had just totally ignored what they just finished telling her. All about her, as usual. “She pretty much wants to stick to what she thinks,” said Teresa, and that is really only the tip of the iceberg. Of course, what she thought came from a Donald Trump quote brought to her attention by Arsenio, but of course we all know that it was all her idea, in its entirety, every syllable.

“Aubrey had a great idea. She said ‘let me put my vagina on the back of your neck.'” That was Arsenio and if you did not see the show sorry, I am going to leave it to your imagination.

COMING UP AFTER THE BREAK: Aubrey tells Eric straight out that Arsenio  and Teresa were not creative and she came up with everything herself. I HOPE SHE LOSES SO SHE HAS TO GET FIRED.

And totally off-topic, the Dark Shadows commercial aired during the show and I could not be more disgusted with Tim Burton.

Back to the show. Lisa, surprisingly enough to Dayana, was helpful and calm. Maybe she just wore herself out last week.

On the other hand, “Arsenio and Teresa are just not helpful on this task.” “I thought of  million things, I was the only one by the way.” “Obviously my team members were not the most creative and had limitations.” “We’re a one man team, yes I said it.” “I’m really proud of myself because I am basically the one who came up with everything. I am a mini-Trump.” Yada yada yada.

Lisa on Aubrey: “I don’t want them to lose because I love her, but I don’t want to lose.” What kind of team spirit is that?

George came in and pretty much shit on Aubrey and her project. Good for the cranky old guy! “He was like the business Grim Reaper,” according to Arsenio.

The execs sitting through Aubrey’s demonstration were a mixed bag. One looked happy, the other looked sick.

During Clay’s presentation, the execs just left Clay out to dry. His speech was too short and when he asked for questions, all they said was “keep going.” Remember when Ralph would freeze up on The Honeymooners? That was how Clay felt.

10:14. The Boardroom

On Clay’s side, the boardroom was a love fest. Lisa put Clay in the top two project managers, Aubrey being the other. She can’t shut up and stop herself from complimenting the competition! She  even said she was envious of the other team’s display.

On Aubrey’s side, it started out as a love fest as well, but it will not last. Eric quoted her “one-man” statement and asked her to elaborated. “My team did not not (sic) help at all, that’s not what I am saying.” Arsenio: “I am not quite sure what that means.”

Trump said that Arsenio did not like being criticized, but he said that he did not like being minimized, which Trump seemed to appreciate. Arsenio pointed out that he found the Trump quote, and Aubrey leapt in and said no, she came up with it first, before Arsenio found the quote online. They went to commercial which is too bad because I am expecting Arsenio to explode. (After all, that was the tease in the commercials all week.) Too bad we don’t really get it.

THE WINNER: Team Aubrey. Boo.
I think on Clay’s team, only Dayana is safe since the only thing anyone liked about their display was the picture of her. They hated the motto You earned it, which was all Penn, and frankly most of the task is on his shoulders. That puts Clay in the cross hairs for being a poor project manager. It also seems to make Lisa safe this week.

GOING TO THE BOARDROOM: Clay, Penn, and… Dayana. Why? I am not sure. But it left Lisa able to go back to the green room and get strategy tips from her BFF Aubrey. Ugh.

It quickly seemed that bringing back Dayana was probably a mistake. She was knocked by Team Trump for being in the boardroom for the sixth time but she really did not deserve it this time. It is between Penn and Clay and I am leaning toward Clay being fired, much as I think Penn needs to go.

Dayana, who would you fire? “The project manager,” and I think that is how it is going to go down.

Penn, you’re fired. WHEW! Trump said he wanted to fire Dayana but he could not, said he wanted to fire Clay but he could not, and he fired Clay because in the end, he came up with the lousy slogan. And I am sure this is just a coincidence, but this week Penn was unavailable to tweet during the show.

NEXT WEEK: Dayana leads her team, Clay argues, Lisa cries.

The Celebrity Apprentice: Week Nine

15 Apr

April 15, 2012

For those of you keeping score at home, afterLou’s firing last week these are the remaining eight contestants: Teresa, Paul, Clay, Aubrey, and Arsenio on one side, and Lisa, Dayana, and Penn on the other.

Here are my thoughts on each one’s chances of winning.

Teresa: She has not distinguished herself but despite being called out in the boardroom fairly often has not really done badly. Probably not a contender.

Paul: Everyone loves him and he gets done whatever is asked of him. Unbelievably, other than when he was project manager the first week, he has been quiet and low-key. I think if he steps up and wins another task he has a great shot at winning.

Clay: Not afraid to speak his mind and stand up for himself and his team, I think Clay is the frontrunner right now.

Aubrey: No.

Arsenio: A contender too but like Paul he needs to step up a little more and really make himself stand out.

Lisa: If you listen to her she has done every single task by herself. So logically she is also to blame since her teams have lost the majority of their tasks. Plus she is nasty and confrontational and not the type of person Trump picks. I won’t say she has no chance only because so many of her team members support her.

Dayana: She is just there, neither good nor bad. It is not all her fault because she isn’t usually given much to do. So far, unless things change, little to no chance of winning.

Penn: What a huge disappointment he has been. HUGE. I expected him to win it all and now I am wondering what he is doing here. He missed the majority of two tasks and added little to any of them. He admitted to checking out mentally and after the debacle of the Blue Man Group tossing money to the wind I can see no reason for him to stick around any longer. Sorry Penn, but you have shown no leadership or creativity.

And now on with the show.

The show began with Lisa attacking Clay, and Aubrey talking about how much she hates Clay. Where did that come from? He has been nothing but a pro. Oh, wait, he called her out in the boardroom. Aubrey is so obvious. This show was taped long ago. I wonder how Aubrey feels sitting at home watching her performance? Probably loves it, that idiot. “I usually impress myself so I am not worried.” Sheesh.

THE TASK: A live puppet show for adults with an original puppet character.
PROJECT MANAGERS: Lisa and Paul

But first, time to even the teams and guess what? Clay moved over to Lisa’s team. I would not have even the teams. One perk of winning is that you get an advantage over the other team in terms of personnel. If you are going to even out the terms that takes away on of the perks of winning.

Paul, BTW, was credited on-screen as “Star of American Chopper,” which of course is true, but not as “Owner of Orange County Choppers.” Not a big deal I guess but interesting.

Aubrey: “Maybe Arsenio has experience as a comedic performer…”  she can’t take a breath without insulting someone! But Lisa is no better. Last week she grudgingly complimented Dayana  but right away she was insulting her again. “She thinks she can do what we do.”

Meanwhile, I must admit that Aubrey stepped back and let the leader lead. Ok, she said she was going to do that  and yes it was a calculated move, but still it was a nice change.

Lisa was getting offensive making fun of Dayana’s accent and her Spanish language. If she loses she will look bad in the boardroom.

Paul was managing just the way he does at OCC, sitting back and letting everyone do the work. H even admitted “I felt no pressure because I was just sitting on the sidelines.” To be fair, he had extreme back issues that prevented him even lifting his arms.

Aubrey was being Aubrey, complaining about everyone else. “Teresa’s trying her best, which probably isn’t going to be good enough.”

So far, the teams, with the assistance of Jim Henson’s son Brian, have been building Muppets puppets that they will be voicing and performing with. Neither team has yet settled on what the show will but Lisa knows who will, or more importantly who won’t be performing. Much as I hate Aubrey, Lisa has been creeping up higher and higher on my can’t-stand-her list.

Going into the performance, Paul is on the line as the other three members all agree he did almost nothing on this task. On the other side, it is all on Lisa again, as she (she will claim) did everything. Lisa will blame Dayana for doing nothing but once again, Lisa gave her nothing to do. And then Lisa dove into a profanity-laced tirade towards Dayana. “I had to create out of my ass something for you to do!” And that was one of the tamer ones. So Dayana is looking for work and Lisa gives her none but in the boardroom Lisa will blast Dayana for not doing anything. So whose fault is that? Lisa then yelled at Penn and Clay “why do I have to manage her every week? Why can’t one of you step up?” BECAUSE YOU ARE THE PROJECT MANAGER THIS WEEK, that’s why.

Lisa’s team did their show and it seems to go over very well. If they lose, Clay is safe because of his performance.

Paul’s team? Let’s say Teresa… needed work. The following performance was better:

The puppet pros said she broke every rule of improv.

10:25. The Boardroom.

Lisa attacked Dayana for wanting to be on stage. Dayana simply wanted to be involved in some capacity. Lisa gave her nothing to do, and worse, said that her accent hurt her.

Lisa if you lose who will you bring back? “I may just bring myself in. I am not going to be a villan because I have strong opinions.” The preceding was said through tears and sobs.

Paul, who was your weak player? Teresa. “It takes her a long time to make up her mind.”

What did Arsenio think of Paul? “He may not have been able to move, but he was able to lead us.” Everyone loves Paul Senior!

THE WINNER: Team Lisa. This should be an easy boardroom. Teresa is gone for her bad performance. Paul is on the block for being the project manager, but Arsenio was singled out for being a great puppeteer and Aubrey was singled out for her hosting so there is no on else left.

Arsenio, who should be fired? Teresa.
Teresa, who should be fired? Paul. “He didn’t do anything. We pretty much ran the whole show.”
Paul, who should be fired? Teresa.
Aubrey: “Paul was injured, this was not his field. He did not contribute much.”
Aubrey, who is the more valuable team member going forward? She sort of picked Teresa but also ran her down at the same time.
Arsenio, same question. Paul. “He’s a bright guy.”
Is Paul a leader or a follower in respect to this task? “He was nothing but a leader on this task.”

Paul, who is safe tonight? “Arsenio. Moving forward he brings a lot of versatility to the team.”

GOING TO THE BOARDROOM: Paul, Aubrey, and Teresa.

Lisa thinks it is a bad move because if he brought Arsenio he would back Paul, now no one will back Paul.

Ivanka: “Paul seems a bit lackluster, he seems a little tired.”

Aubrey is backing Teresa in the boardroom (with ridiculous backhanded compliments)and it is easy to see why. Going forward Teresa is no competition while Paul would be tough competition. She is trying to get rid of her biggest threat, Paul Senior.

But in the end, not bringing back Arsenio whom the judges disliked was a big problem, so Paul Senior, you’re fired.

I do not know how I feel about that. Tune in tomorrow for the American Chopper Weekly Rundown for my take on it.

Trump: “He will be missed.”

Paul: “It is weird getting fired because I am usually on the other end of the shoot.”

NEXT WEEK: Launching Donald Trump’s new cologne. And George Ross is back!