Tag Archives: FOX

My Review of Terra Nova

18 Jan

January 18, 2011

Ever wonder what Jurassic Park would be like without the dinosaurs? Wonder no more as FOX presents Terra Nova, the gripping semi-drama of an extended camping trip on prehistoric almost-Earth.

The show opens in the year 2149. The air is polluted, huge multinationals have created mega-cities, and there is a strict policy of two children per family. OH, sorry, that’s 2012 Asia. Anyway, the premise of the show is that the Shannon family managed to escape into the past and start anew on prehistoric Earth. Good thing too, because as any sci-fi fan knows, the Daleks are due to invade the Earth in 2150 so they got out just in the nick of time.

It seems that in the future a Stargate- SORRY, I mean portal- has been found allowing folks to enter the time tunnel and- SORRY, I mean portal- and quantum leap- SORRY, I mean time travel- back to Jurassic Park-SORRY, I mean Earth’s Cretaceous Period- and start civilization all over again.

You may have noticed in your reading of the preceding two paragraphs that Terra Nova is long on unoriginality.

You may also be thinking that colonizing prehistoric Earth is a very bad idea with horrible repercussions for the future. Imagine all the huge changes their very presence back there would create, all the alterations of the time stream, all the screwing up of the future that every passing second multiplies. You may imagine all that but don’t bother. The deus ex machina is that the portal sends everyone to an alternate Earth. Yes, an alternate prehistoric Earth. So not only are they in the past, they are in an alternate reality, so if the creators of the show want to ignore the fact that the concentration of oxygen was different back then, and Earth’s slightly different gravity and magnetic field would create problems for people and machines alike, well, they can. And they do. Things are pretty much the same back there. I expect to see a Boy Scout troop blundering in at any time.

Terra Nova is a large colony that operates like a hippie commune with armed guards and a policy of not doing much of anything. It is pretty much like camping out. Since the portal only goes one way (at least for now) they are essentially on their own. (Except when the show decides they are not.) There also doesn’t seem to be much colonization going on. In fact, the main thing the colony does is fret about a rival group of people from the future. They’ve locked themselves in a compound in order to fend off attacks from the bad guys. Same as Falling Skies. Same as The Walking Dead. The bad guys change but the story is the same: small group of humanity trying to survive in a strange world.

The hero of Terra Nova is Jim Shannon, played by Jason O’Mara. You might remember him as the time-traveling cop from Life on Mars but judging from that show’s ratings you probably don’t. On the one hand he is amping up his sci-fi cred by appearing in two high-profile sci-fi shows but on the other hand what does he play here? Another time-traveling cop. He is close to being typecast, but he could probably clean up selling autographs at the next Comic-Con.

He’s a pretty affable guy, and when the plot calls for it, can almost pull-off tough. And that’s the problem with the show. While it has a serious sci-fi premise, the producers treat it almost like a WB show; heavy on sappy family stuff with a dollop of fluffy action. And every once in a while they toss in a dinosaur. The show is lightweight.

Terra Nova started off with high hopes but here are some reviews from later in season one:

The show was called “Stargate: SGU by Dr. Seuss” by Mark A. Perigard of the Boston Herald. Sam Wollaston of the Guardian observed that there was only one interesting character and that “A lot of the fault lies with what they have to say to each other. The script is as corny and cheesy as a family-sized portion of cheesy corn nachos.”New York Magazine reviewer Chadwick Matlin vowed never to watch the show again, saying “Sure, the premise had promise, but even masochists like us can only take so much.”

The bad guys dress like Mad Max castoffs with impeccable makeup, the good guys are all portrayed as fluffs, and while this is produced by Steven Spielberg who knows a thing or two about dinosaurs, there are not nearly enough of them to satisfy anyone.

This would be a pretty good Family Channel program.

There is hope, however. Since this is an alternate Earth in a prehistoric era, all the producers need to do in season two is introduce the Sleestaks. Trust me; the ratings would go through the roof.

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The 2010 Prime Time Lineup- As It Should Be.

4 Oct

October 4, 2010

In my last blog, I introduced you to some actual shows airing on cable television. (And one fake show- Air Traffic Antics. OK, you may have guessed it, but don’t try to tell me it was any worse than the rest of that sorry bunch.)

Well, those were all reality shows, but this season the pendulum is swinging back to scripted television. Of course, not all goes well.

FOX’s  Lonestar has been cancelled after only two airings. and don’t tell me Running Wild makes it to week six. If you’ve seen the stuff ABC is throwing at the wall to see what sticks on Friday nights you know they’ll have a couple of slots free soon too.

(Why was Lonestar cancelled? Mr. Blog’s research showed that a majority of those questioned confused Lonestar with BraveStarr, an outer space Western cartoon from the late 1980’s. Oh boy. You should meet Mr. Blog’s research panel.)

Television veterans aren’t faring well either. Larry King is leaving his show and finally crumbling into dust, Oprah is taking her ball and going home to her own network, and even Hannah Montana is leaving the Disney Channel. For obscurity, we hope. We simply pray that it doesn’t mean that her father, Billy Ray Cyrus, has time on his hands to make another album.

As you can tell, that leaves a lot of room for new shows. I proudly present the next generation of prime time television!

THE FRANK SINATRA MYSTERY HOUR
Set in Las Vegas in the 1960’s, this weekly drama follows Frank Sinatra off-stage as he assists the police in solving their most baffling crimes. Cleverly masquerading as a swinging womanizer, Sinatra slyly uses his mob connections to get information that the police are unable, or unwilling, to get. With Dean Martin, Sammy Davis Jr., and the rest of the Rat Pack as cover, Frank Sinatra blends in with the seamy underbelly of organized crime in the city of sin. However, Lt. Lewiston is constantly at odds with Sinatra. He doesn’t approve of Frank Sinatra’s maverick ways, but unknown to Sinatra, Lt. Lewiston is also a frustrated lounge singer who is sick of seeing his gigs stolen by Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack. The two constantly clash over both police methodology and the proper arrangement of “Summer Wind.”

NOTE: Frank Sinatra does not sing in this series.

THAT 2007  SHOW
Take a nostalgic trip back to the year 2007 in this half-hour comedy.

MAKE ROOM FOR BABY-DADDY
The old 1950’s sitcom Make Room for Daddy gets a facelift for the 21st century. Melinda is a single mother living with her sassy ten year-old daughter Kendi and her older sister Mel in a small apartment in Queens. It’s hard enough to pay the rent with Melinda and Mel’s two paychecks and still raise Kendi, but hilarity ensues when Thorpe, Melinda’s baby-daddy turns up and moves in. Melinda hasn’t seen Thorpe in years, but he’s out of prison and back in their lives. Determined to be a father to Kendi, and equally determined to not work or pay rent, can he get along with Melinda and Mel in a three-room apartment? Melinda’s boyfriend Kane may just have something to say about that!

THE BAD CGI SHOW
Showcasing the worst in computer generated special effects, this techno-babble filled hourly sci-fi space drama is brought to the small screen by Biff Rodenberry, grandson of Star Trek creator Gene Rodenberry.

Captain Lee “Leaf” Erickson and the crew of the A.K.C. Star Hustler are on a mission to find and map alien solar systems. Crew members include First Officer Zort, Major Richard C. Richards, and Sloopy, a dog-eared alien from the planet Flatulon.

Each week, intense theoretical and philosophical issues are raised, debated, pondered, and thought over through dialogue, soliloquy, and the occasional raised voice or frown.

In episode one, Captain “Leaf” Erickson encounters a strange life form who engages his crew in a game of chess. 

THE ADVENTURES OF LITTLE BOSCO
This daily half-hour cartoon stars Abe Vigoda as the voice of Little Bosco, a cute and clumsy teddy bear who lives in the toy box of a spoiled child. Every episode, Little Bosco and his friends- Brown Gopher, Weak-Willed Wanda the Weasel, Monkey Mike and Silly Zebra- strike out on their own and have fun adventures in the back yard. Watch out! Percival, the spoiled rich boy, is looking for his toys.

JUDGE DONALD TRUMP
Trading in his boardroom for a courtroom, Donald Trump presides over the latest syndicated judicial reality series.

Each week, actual defendants and plaintiffs with real court cases come before Judge Donald Trump in Trump Court to have their cases heard. Assisted by court officer Donald Trump Jr., The Donald renders his own brand of fair and impartial verdicts while continuing to build the Trump brand. The twist of this reality show is that while most shows order the losers to pay the winner’s judgments, in this court, all judgments are payable to The Donald. Better be on your toes or your case won’t be dismissed, you’ll be fired!

PBS WRESTLING
Public Broadcasting gets into the “sports entertainment” business with their weekly live “PBS Wrestling” show. Wrestlers include Norman “the lobbyist” Clarence, “Wild” Tim Russert, and Frank “The Fundraiser.” Titles can change on pin fall, submission, or whoever raises the most money during pledge week.

CAVEMAN ASTRONAUT
This one hour drama follows Oog the caveman, a Neanderthal ahead of his time. Not content to hunt for food, avoid mammoths, and just survive, Oog looked to the stars. While no smarter than the average caveman, Oog built the first working spacecraft, all the way back in 10,000 B.C.

Through a freak mishap, Oog found himself propelled forward to our time, where he now works as a consultant for NASA.

SUDDENLY POPE!
It’s comedy meets consecration in this half-hour breakout comedy!

Vinnie  Boombatz was just like you and me- get up, go to work, pay the bills, hang out with his friends. One day his life took an unexpected turn when he awoke and discovered that he’s the Pope. It happened overnight! Vinnie still works in the pharmacy where he’s always filled prescriptions, and still goes drinking at night with his buddies, but now he does it dressed in the Pope’s habit, carrying the Pope’s crook, wearing the Pope’s large hat, and deciding the religious doctrine of millions of believers around the world.  To his worshipers he’s Pope Boombatz I, but to his friends he’s still just Vinnie.

In the first episode, Pope Vinnie wonders if he should sell condoms to a nervous teenager.

ALIEN ASSHOLES
(Hey, don’t complain about the titles, we’ll Shatnerize it with A&&holes.)
(Reality, 1 hour)

Hosted by Jeff Foxworthy! Ed Doogle was an average guy in South Dakota. While driving his pickup truck home down a lonely back road one late night, Ed Doogle was abducted by aliens. While they tried to probe him, Ed used all of his redneck cunning and managed to turn the tables on his captors. Piloting the ship back to the alien homeworld, Ed found it ridiculously easy to take over. Ed Doogle is now the leader of a world of aliens. Too bad they are incredibly stupid. Ed Doogle is the leader of a planet of ALIEN ASSHOLES.

There you have it! The next bunch of soon-to-be-cancelled TV hits! And don’t any of you try to tell me that these shows are any worse than Better With You. Have you seen that thing yet? Catch it now while you can. Or better yet, don’t bother.

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