Tag Archives: Canada

A Public Apology to Canada

22 Apr

April 22, 2011

The Editors and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride wish to extend our sincere and humble apologies to the great nation of Canada.

It has been brought to our attention that a blog post earlier this week, “Grocery Shopping. What a Chore“, may have created a false and objectionable view of Canada. In particular, this section:

And yes, I specifically mean Americans. I’m sorry Canadians, I have nothing against you but a lot of you speak French and that just won’t do. North America is an English-speaking continent, that is if you ignore large parts of  The United States in general and about 2/3 of New York City in particular.

This was actually intended as a slam against France.

We regret any misunderstanding.

The official policy of The Tepid Ride has always been pro-Canada. In an effort to improve relations with our cold Northern brothers Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride would like to present this list of notable Canadians.

Bob and Doug McKenzie
Wayne Gretzky
Wolverine
Captain Canuck
Sir Charles Tupper, former Prime Minister (May 1896-July1896)

Canada also has a thriving entertainment industry. These are the top ten shows on  Canadian television for the 2009/2010 season:

1.Survivor: Samoa & Heroes Vs. Villains – 2,929,000 viewers
2.Grey’s Anatomy  – 2,899,000
3.Criminal Minds – 2,807,000
4.American Idol – Performance  – 2,789,000
5.American Idol – Results  – 2,686,000
6.The Amazing Race 15 & 16  – 2,529,000
7.House – 2,493,000
8.CSI: New York  – 2,349,000
9.The Mentalist  – 2,279,000
10.NCIS  – 2,201,000

Canada has also had a strong influence on popular culture and has featured prominently in many hit movies, such as South Park and Rumble in the Bronx.

It is the fervent hope of The Editor’s and Staff of Mr. Blog’s Tepid Ride that, with a little understanding, the peoples of The United States and Canada can come together. In truth, both countries share many similarities, except that the dollar is worth slightly less in Canada.

We hope that this apology has begun the process of healing. In the future, we hope to incorporate more pro-Canada content in The Tepid Ride, and in the spirit of camaraderie, we won’t even mention Celine Dion, eh?

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Fleet Week

19 Nov

excerpted from May 31, 2009

Speaking of uniforms, as if we were, the Fleet is in. Yes indeedy-do, this was Fleet Week. Sailors from all over the world flooded into New York, only to get pissed off when they saw how Times Square has been cleaned up. C’mon, these are guys who prowled the back alleys of Calcutta and got poon from hookers in Tokyo. What, they should get excited by the Disney Store? These are sailors, and sailors are to cheap women and penicillin as Obama is to easing rules for terrorists in prison- or I should say, soon-to-be fellow New Yorkers.  

What is even funnier about Fleet Week is the news coverage about Fleet Week. Engaging in Funny Stereotype Number 83, CBS news interviewed women in mid-town Manhattan about all the military guys in town. I don’t know how many women they spoke to, but they aired three, ages anywhere from 58 to 158, getting all giddy about sailors. “I’m going to marry one!” claimed an old bag with too many pounds and too little make-up. Way to strike a blow for equality, CBS!  

So New York is now full of foreigners. As usual. But these guys are all walking around with funny uniforms. There are the guys from the former Soviet countries, wearing uniforms with way, way too much gold braid. They’ve got badges on their sleeves and a lot of funny looking words on their hats. And those are just the ensigns. I saw a Ukrainian Admiral with actual antlers coming out of his hat. The Commodore from Albania wore a bear skin.  

Some guys got the short end of the Fleet Week stick. A couple of Canadian ships (their motto: Canada is cold) got stuck docking in Staten Island. The joke was on them when they got off the ship and discovered that they had to take the Staten Island ferry to Manhattan. Just what the sailors wanted- another boat ride.  

I also spotted some Polish sailors buying snow tires for their battleship. KIDDING! I’m just kidding! I love Polish people! I just love Polish jokes more.

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