from March 23, 2007
The MAD Magazine Three-Minute Interview:
By The Usual Gang of Idiots.
MAD: Hey! Nothing better to do today?
BMJ: Better than this? I love MAD! No matter how old I get I’ll still have the sense of humor of an impressionable 5-year old.
MAD: Well, that leads us to our first question. We’ve read all your stuff, and there’s not one, not one single fart joke. What’s up with that?
BMJ: Jeez, I don’t know. It’s like all I do at home is make stupid fart jokes. I don’t know why I never wrote any into my blogs. God knows I farted enough during the writing of the blogs!
MAD: Let’s keep all that inside today, OK?
BMJ: Do my best.
MAD: So what’s your favorite sound effect?
BMJ: There was an old Don Martin gag with Wonder Woman. I won’t give away the kicker, but the sound effect was “snik! PLOOB-A-DOOF!”
MAD: Don Martin was a genius.
BMJ: I can only hope to make sounds like that.
MAD: Back on the fart thing again?
BMJ: No, no, I mean in my writing. Of course, nothing beats a good old-fashioned 60’s-style Batman POW! Or ZAP!
MAD: But there’s another side to your writing, some things that most people may not know about.
BMJ: Back about 4 years ago, I wrote a series of profiles of internet entrepreneurs for Inside Wire Magazine. It was my first serious writing, and it opened my eyes to the rigors of publishing and deadlines. It ran for 19 installments and I was up for a Nebie Award.
MAD: Who cares about that? Let’s talk about your “Southern Sojourn” blog. Don’t like the South much?
BMJ: I love the South.
MAD: No you don’t. You also wrote some nasty things about your southern ancestors.
BMJ: (Shrugs his shoulders) I may poke some fun at the South.
MAD: Afraid of losing Southern readers?
BMJ: Nobody knows how to read down South.
MAD: For the record, MAD Magazine loves the south.
BMJ: You sell most of your magazines in the Northeast, right?
MAD: Mostly there and on the West Coast. (Except for New Jersey.)
BMJ: So let’s just say that I love the Northeast! And the West Coast!
MAD: That’s just a cheat pop!
BMJ: Learned from the best, Mick Foley.
MAD: He was featured in issue 307, The Lighter Side of Pro Wrestling.
BMJ: I’ve got that issue!
MAD: Talk to Fonebone out front. He handles refunds.
BMJ: (laughter)
MAD: It says here that you are “the night shift crew chief at Big Irv’s Tractor Repair.” That’s just BS, right?
BMJ: It doesn’t say that.
MAD: It’s right here!
BMJ: Where did you find that?
MAD: It’s in your official bio.
BMJ: It also says somewhere that I’m a liar.
MAD: No it doesn’t.
BMJ: See?
MAD: It also says that you are a rabbinical scholar.
BMJ: Yeah, well, that part’s true.
MAD: So what would the Torah say about your “alter-ego”?
BMJ: My what?
MAD: Mr. Know-It-All.
BMJ: Lets’ not talk about him. Let’s talk about sound effects again.
MAD: Boink!
BMJ! Wham!
MAD: SCHOOOOM!
BMJ: BAD-A-BORMFF!
MAD: Now you’ve gone too far. Take that back.
BMJ: Sorry.
MAD: You also do some movie reviews and we laughed out loud at your Pirates of the Caribbean review.
BMJ: Thanks! I’m going to be Gene Shalit when I grow up.
MAD: Someone has to be. You already have the moustache.
BMJ: It’s removable!
MAD: But in your movie reviews you don’t draw goofy pictures like we do.
BMJ: It’s a blog. I only write.
MAD: So you admit that your blog is inferior to Mad Magazine?
BMJ: My blog sucks. Ask any of my so-called “readers.”
MAD: So why are we wasting time on you? It’s almost time for our Roger Kaputnik interview. He’s getting a two-page spread.
This is Mad Magazine. Back to “Monroe and the Great Pharmacy Mix Up.”
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