American Chopper: Now or Never

25 Sep

September 25, 2012

American Chopper (Season 8)
Now or Never
TV-PG (L)

Brought together by a father-son bike build, Junior and Senior begin to open up. While their relationship grows away from the shop, OCC starts a bike for Wildgame Innovations and PJD unveils a five-wheeled trike for Loopster.

Is it you or is this show far less interesting now that things are all happy and sweet? The show isn’t really about building bikes, it was for a very long time about fighting. Now it is about sweetness?

Anyway, on with the show.

It is the last day of fabrication for the bike the guys are building together. Frankly I prefer to see them build a bike like that, without all the high-tech tools they have in the shops. While I admit I have no skills and the most amazing tool would not help me build a bike, I prefer to see people use their skills rather than lean on a machine.

Both men agree that things went well but, as Senior said, they’ve both been on their best behavior. They are both cautiously optimistic.  They may never be close, but I think both of them expect there to be no animosity, and that may be the best they can ask for.

OCC is (as Jason annoyingly describes) doing a bike for a hunting company, Wildgame, and they crew has a whole bunch of stuff, like crossbows, to play with. Discovery must really think that the fans like Jason. Memo to Discovery- he sucks. Anyway, the bike will have weapons on it, hunting gear, antlers, whatever.

PJD is working on a five-wheeled trike for Loopster. Is that still a trike? Anyway, it’s looking cool.

Meanwhile, Vinnie brought his son to the shop and I have to admit, he is cute. One of his daughters is sick and he hasn’t been in the shop too much.

Senior’s wife stopped in the shop an asked how things are going with Paulie. Or, as some of my readers would say, the producers sent her to the shop to ask how things are going with Paulie and I have to say, it did seem fake. An actress she is not. She suggested that Senior ask Paulie and his wife to a barbecue but Senior thought it was too early. and just by coincidence I am sure, Paulie’s wife had the same idea to invite Senior over. And Paulie’s answer? It is too early.

“People love drama but I think it is a family dynamic that brought the show to where it is today… and I think people really want to see the family get back together.” – Senior. I said last week I am rooting for them to get together, but take away the drama and what’s left? How many shows where they walk down memory lane can we see?

BTW- Paulie’s house? It is a mansion with a huge outdoor pool and a ton of property.

NEXT WEEK
Uncharted Territory
PJD starts a build for technology company QUBX while OCC assembles and unveils a bike for Wildgame Innovations. Meanwhile, father and son continue their collaboration on a re-vamped version of an old school bike.

Allan Keyes Presents Two Massively Underrated Movies

24 Sep

September 24, 2012

Everyone knows the hits, the best movies: Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Titanic, Ishtar etc. etc. But it’s the underrated movies that need some love. So I’m here to recommend two movies that are well worth watching even though you may have totally overlooked them.

The Jerky Boys  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110189/

You’re familiar with the Jerky Boys right? The phone gag  guys? The fella  who does Mort Goldman (aka Sol Rosenberg ripoff) on the Family Guy?

                 

     

Incidentally, if you’ve never listened to these guys, do yourself a favor and pick up some of their albums. HILARIOUS. “Look Jerky, I don’t need to talk to you!”

This one is totally counterintuitive. It’s a movie based on two guys who do phone gags. How could it possibly be good?  Yet it is not only good…..it’s hysterical. It follows the adventures of “two low lifes from queens” who get mixed up with the mob and have to constantly talk their way out of trouble using an ever-present handy phone (or intercom or megaphone or whatever) to befuddle bumbling mobsters with their array of awful fake voices.  Do you have to be familiar with the Jerkies to laugh at this film? I won’t lie, it helps with some of the jokes, including seeing what a prick Brett Weir is, and the big reveal that old “Uncle Freddy” is really the capo de tuti capo.  But really, if you’re being exposed to Tarbash the Egyptian Magician, Sol Rosenberg  or Frank Rizzo for the first time…..it’s  still pretty damn funny.

This film is notable for a cameo by Ozzy, finding out his show has been upstaged by a band that’s way beneath him…..

In the meantime, a B (C?) level film of this caliber has some shockingly good talent attached to it: Vinny Pastore as (what else?) a mobster, and Alan Arkin(!) as the Mob Boss. You’ve never seen good cinema until you’ve seen a couple of fatsos shimmy down two stories using a string of “cock-dogs” as a rope (yeah….don’t ask)

Malibu’s Most Wanted   http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0328099/

Another shocking entry, mainly because Jamie Kennedy is dreadfully unfunny in just about everything he’s ever done.

Exhibit A:

Son of the Mask:

 

 Exhibit B:

 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…………………….feh

Anyway, this film is hysterical.  Jamie Kennedy is Brad, the clueless son of the CA governor, who is in a tough election fight. Unfortunately for the Gov. and his staff (including Blair Underwood playing his best Carlton from Fresh Prince impersonation ) Brad really fancies himself as “B-Rad” (get it?!), rapper and all-around wigger. Think Eminem, except with some talent (HA! See what I did there??)

 

Anyway, “B-Rad” is causing the Gov. electoral troubles, so he hires some gangstas to really show him the hood, and put the fear of god into him. Well…he doesn’t exactly hire gangstas like this:

 

(and rest assured that here at Mr. BTR, we remain netural in all gang and rap wars. We learned our lesson from the Polka Wars back in the 80’s)

No, he hires “gangsters” like this:

That’s right….Anthony Anderson and Not Tommy Davison are really two effete actors who couldn’t pass for street if they were the only people left on earth. Even the plants and microbes and the sun would laugh at them. But they’re the perfect guys to throw a scare into delusional son-of-Gov.  Well OF COURSE, these two clueless gits wind up losing B-Rad in the REAL ghetto -you can tell it’s the real ghetto, because one of the gangstas is helpfully played by the awesome Terry Crews:


(On a related note, I’ll actually stick a 3rd underrated film in here: Idiocracy, where Crews plays President Camacho. I’d vote for him over Obama or Romney any day!)

 

And OF COURSE, B-Rad, through his own cluelessness, becomes the king of the ghetto (Dubbed “White Kong”) after singlehandedly defeating a rival gang in a shootout:

 

Now into this, let’s add Brad’s just-as-clueless and just-as-wannabe friends, who get word and feel they have to rescue him.

 

That’s right….Kumar and two other dopes charge off to the rescue, ready to fight the hood with an antique blunderbuss and a speargun. And yet, it somehow works!

This is one of those rare films that shows that Blacks and Whites are equally clueless. Both hardcore gangbanger and klansman can enjoy a belly laugh over this film. AND YOU SHOULD TOO!! (assuming that our readership does in fact have other people besides gangbangers and klansmen among its number) 

Anyway, hopefully you watch these two films and enjoy as much as I do! Next week I’ll review The Innocence of Muslims!

This is an actual screen cap from that “film.”