Archive | news RSS feed for this section

Bird Brains in the News

14 Jan

January 14, 2011

I’d like to know if they put the parrot on the witness stand. Poor bird, they can’t even offer Polly a cracker for fear that the defense would consider the testimony coerced. But you see, it’s true that life is sometimes just one bad joke after another. Like this one:

Before the collapse of communism, this Russian guy loses his pet parrot. He looks everywhere, all around the neighborhood, in the park, everywhere. He can’t find the parrot. Finally he goes around to the KGB office, and tells the desk officer his problem. The officer is a little puzzled. “Look, comrade, I’m sorry you lost your bird, but this is the KGB. We don’t handle missing animal reports.” “Oh, I know that”, says the guy. “I just wanted you to know, if you do find my parrot… I don’t know where he could have picked up all his political ideas.”

Forget the expression “bird brain,” let’s see you lure a date back to your house of dung. If you decorated your house with “garlands of feces glistening with dew” you’d be in, pardon the pun, deep shit. But if you were a bird you’d be sleeping with the prom queen.

You’ve got to hand it to the birds, though. They take dung, use it to find a mate, and make a home out of it. What do we do? We make this:

Now who’s the bird brain?

CBS Mobile Two: Killer Behind the Wheel- UPDATED!!!

12 Jan

January 12, 2011

Channel 2, CBS New York, has a mobile news van, like many other stations. Here’s the difference- the driver of the van has a cameraman in the passenger seat, filming the driver as he reports on the street conditions as he drives.

Channel 2 is taking a driver, sticking a camera in his face, forcing him to contend with the camera, give a news report, and drive at the same time. Usually over icy roads.

Who at CBS thinks that’s a good idea? How long until this man mows down some children crossing the street live on air?

In New York we can’t talk on a cell phone and drive but this is OK?

__________________________________________________________________________

UPDATE! January 13, 2011

Does Richard Huff read my blog? I wouldn’t dare to venture a guess (but if I did I’d say “yes!”) but how else to explain this column in today’s Daily News? Yes, once more, I have scooped the newspapers!

MR. BLOG GETS RESULTS!