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They’re Going Off the Rails on a Crazy Train

29 Aug

August 29, 2010

From the Total Irony Department, some North Carolina ghost hunters were killed when the ghost train they were searching for turned out not to be a ghost but a real iron and steel locomotive. In a shocking turn of events, one ghost hunter was himself killed and turned into a ghost.

The Ghost Train, a play by Arnold Ridley, 1925. When will people learn to stop messing with ghost trains?

The incident happened at the intersection of Stupidity Street and Gullible Avenue, where the train tracks run along a trestle high above a river. Twelve amateur sleuths were caught standing in the middle of the tracks listening for the sounds of a ghost train dating back to an accident in 1891, where a group of people standing in the middle of the trestle listening for a train were killed. Somehow, they managed to miss the sounds of the absolutely-not-a-ghost train bearing down on them.

One man was killed, two people were seriously injured, and the other nine deserve some serious slaps to the back of their heads and a chorus of “what the fuck were you thinking?”

 Local officials claim that the wannabe Scooby Gang never saw Stand By Me.

In other news….

Wyclef Releases Protest Song

Wyclef  is using music to voice his feelings over the recent ruling that he is ineligible to run for president of Haiti.  The former Fugees rapper has released a song in Creole called “Prizon Pou K.E.P.A.,” which means “Prison for the Electoral Council” in English. Clef announced the release of his song on Twitter Wednesday night by saying, quote, “We want equal rights and justice!”  The song can be heard at Jean’s blog, WyclefJean.wordpress.com.  Last Friday it was announced that Wyclef didn’t meet Haiti’s residency requirements and was ineligible to run in the November 28th election.  Earlier this week it was reported that he will not be able to appeal the decision.

Glad he’s writing songs we can all relate to, because I can’t be President of Haiti either. Who needs protest songs about civil rights? This one will catch all of our hearts. And in Creole! The man is a genius. Sheesh.

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Scrappers Week Three: Spike TV Hits a New High in Low

18 Aug

August 18, 2010

Every show has a moment, an iconic scene or image that stays with you long after the show is over.

M*A*S*H: Hawkeye salutes Radar (“Good-Bye Radar”)
Seinfeld: “The sea was angry that day my friends, like an old man trying to send back soup in a deli.” (“The Marine Biologist”)
Dallas: Bobby Ewing in the shower (1986 cliffhanger)
Scrappers: Sal the Barber takes a dump in a garbage bag.

This week on Scrappers, Sal the Barber was ripping apart a demolished house, when nature struck. So what did Spike TV do?

Did they:
A- discreetly pan away?
B- cut to another scene?
C- document step by step how Sal used an old garbage bag and a broken toilet?
D- not only C, but also film his partner, in disgust, trying to figure out what Sal ate, as it was very stinky?
E- C and D, and also film Sal sitting on the toilet, grunting?

You know it was E. Nothing is too low for Scrappers.

Keeping the trend going, Noots was shown exiting the van with, for some reason, his pants around his knees. Thank God for blurring, but I wonder if they really did get rid of all the porn last week.

Of course, it could have been worse. Remember what happened to Sterling Hayden when Al Pacino got out of the bathroom in The Godfather?

“Tell Noots this is just business.”

Also this week, the show featured John’s Deli, a local institution owned not by a guy named John, but Robert. Let’s just say it wasn’t shown in the best light and leave it at that. I won’t be stopping in for their roast beef special anytime soon.

I look forward to next week, when, with any luck, I’ll watch a DVD instead of Scrappers.

(I wonder how this show would play in India? No Toilet No Bride)

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