Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride

Septener 26, 2011

I’ve never been much for fads. I never got a mullet haircut, wore MC Hammer pants, or played with those stupid virtual pet toys. (You know the ones, those things that looked like electronic eggs and beeped every few minutes so you could “feed” them or “give them medicine” or “change their diaper” or whatever.)

I am not a team player, nor am I a follower. I laugh at fads and scoff at those who follow them. Unless I like them, in which case they are not fads, they are cool.

Going back there were some pretty stupid fads, like swallowing live goldfish. How did that start? And why pick on the poor fish? More dangerous was stuffing people into phone booths. What was the point of nearly killing a dozen people in a little glass booth? Maybe it just gave some pervs an excuse to rub up against a woman, I don’t know. And flagpole sitting? What was the point? And more importantly, how did they go to the bathroom?

Things have not gotten any better over the years. One recent fad that swept the world started in Australia, which tells me that people are starved for entertainment Down Under. I am talking about planking. And unlike goldfish swallowing which requires you to suppress your gag reflex, and flagpole sitting, which requires you to suppress your intellect, anyone can go planking anytime, anywhere. It is this simple: You lay down.

That’s it. Lay down wherever you like and take a picture because WHOO HOO! it is so much fun we all have to see a million stupid pictures of you laying down on the street on your facebook page. And no matter what the spell check says, I am not capitalizing facebook.

Does planking sound like fun? It is not. You do it every night, It is called going to sleep. And pictures of people planking are not exciting, to say the least.

For some reason that is totally incomprehensible to my highly intelligent mind, this planking thing became amazingly popular for a few months. Celebrities got into the act and tweeted pics of them planking. Here is a disturbing pic of Hugh Hefner planking.

No, Hef is not dead. He is planking. WHAT IS THE POINT? WHERE’S THE FUN? WHERE’S THE FUNNY? I am looking at an old man who is either dead or fell asleep on the dinner table. If I saw this on my twitter feed I’d probably forward it to the police for an investigation.

And speaking of disturbing celebrity planking pics, here is one that Richard Simmons posted to his twitter account.

Yes, he posted that himself. I have to believe that he has a thousand pictures just like that, mostly sans pants. I DO NOT GET THIS PLANKING CRAP.

Fortunately the planking fad is waning (I wanted to write “fad is fading” but that is hack writing,) It is already being replaced by Batmaning. This is where you hang upside down from something, like a wall or a sign.

WOW! THOSE ARE GREAT! What amazing pictures! Really? Seriously? Who cares? OK, I get that maybe it is fun for a couple of seconds to hang there, and I bet it helps to be totally ‘faced, but to look at those? BORING.

But there is the element of danger because you know that someone is going to have weak ankles and will come crashing down on their heads. Don’t look for sympathy here.

But take heart, Batmanning never really caught on, probably because the average American is too fat and lazy to hang upside down. However, there is a new craze gaining popularity and I am totally for it because not only does it take creativity but the pictures are great. No, I don’t mean topless beach voyeur photography, I mean horsemanning, as in the Headless Horseman.

This takes some effort and imagination. The point is to make it look like you’ve been beheaded and are carrying your own head, like The Green Knight. You do remember Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, don’t you? Sheesh, the internet needs to get out more.OK, that last one is a bit ghoulish, but since Halloween is coming it is totally appropriate.

I think horsemanning is very cool and when I do it, I will post the pics here. Send me yours and I’ll post them too.

Tags: Batman, Batmaning, Batmanning, bmj2k, fads, hanging, Headless horseman, Horsemaning, Horsemanning, Hugh Hefner, laying down, Mr. Blog, Mr. Blog's Tepid Ride, Mr. BTR, planking, Richard Simmons, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, sleeping, the Office