I’m tired. Here’s a blog.

from September 16, 2007

(If you like what you read, be sure to give me some “big ups” and/or “mad props,” whichever carries more weight with the kids these days.)

Blog-slinging isn’t easy. It takes time, effort, and just the right combination of lack of sleep and Ambien CR. Do not do this without first consulting your doctor.

Take me for example. (For bad example, I should say.) Here it is at 1:13 in the morning (or evening, depending on your point of view. Technically, since it is after midnight, this is really Sunday morning, but for most of us this is still Saturday night. [And that brings up the question- when does it stop being Saturday night and become Sunday morning? I think about 3 a.m.]) <-  See? I’m getting parenthetically stupid again, and now I’m using arrows! Arrows have their place. Just ask General Custer.

But we can’t ask General Custer. Nor can we ask other famous historical folks, like George Washington or Nosferatu, ably played by Max Shreck in the German silent film called, cunningly, Nosferatu. Good flick, trust me. This film is a total rip-off of Dracula produced in 1922 with just a few names changed so that the producers didn’t have to pay Bram Stoker any royalties. This just goes to show that the film industry hasn’t changed one bit in the past century.

Hey! I just went back to the paragraph beginning “Take me for example” and realized that with all the digressions, parentheses, and arrows, I never actually finished the sentence “Here it is…” and never ever got to the point of the paragraph. I wish I never noticed that because now I have to admit that, in all honesty, there was no point. (Get out now before this blog gets any worse!)

(Still here? You have only yourself to blame.)

But I was going on and on yada yada yada, about Nosferatu. (No more italics for me, too many keys to hit. But lots more of this ->, this ( ), and some of this [ ]. )

Nosferatu- See? Back on track.- Nosferatu was the first Dracula film. There followed the most famous one, played by Bela Lugosi. I love Bela Lugosi. In a non-gay way, of course. He came from Hungary and was a top theater draw where his most famous role was Jesus Christ. Yes, the famous Jesus Christ of religious repute, not the Jesus Christ who runs the liquor store. Dracula made him a star despite the fact that his accent made Ricky Ricardo swell with pride. He toured the country as that vampire, made appearances as that vampire, and then he turned stupid. I won’t go into the details (because A- every man, woman, and child learns the story of Bela Lugosi in grade school, and B- you don’t care.) but soon afterward he was reduced to starring in one a crappy film after another, with great titles like Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorrilla, (OK, one last italics) which I blathered about in a previous blog.

Christopher Lee played Dracula seven times, mostly with fellow thespian Peter Cushing. He was the man. The undead man! He also played Sauron in Lord of The Rings and Count Dooku in the Star Wars prequels, but don’t hold that against him. He was Scaramanga, the James Bond baddie, in The Man With The Golden Gun and – aw hell, just look him up on imdb.com yourself.

And who cares about all Dracula, Bela Lugosi, and Christopher Lee? I do, so there.

I also care about animals, which is why I must point out that no animals were harmed in the writing of this blog. I did step on some ants today, but they don’t count.

Ants are weird. Actually, people who have ant farms are weird. Think about it- somebody gets a thin glass tank, fills it with sand, puts some ants in it, and lets it stay in the house. If the ants get out of the tank they are pests and get sprayed with Black Flag, but if they stay in the tank they are “pets” and wow! What fun to watch! They crawl, they dig a tunnel, they, uh, crawl some more. Crawl crawl crawl. Tunnel. Crawl. What is wrong with you people???? They’re freakin’ ants!(And trust me- I know from bad pets- just read my blog named, rather unimaginatively I think, “Pets.”) Unless they are the giant ants from the 1950’s movie Them!, they are not cool.

Whoa, that Ambien works like a freight train to the sleep centers of the brain. Yet I bravely and courageously continue on, blog-slinging away, desperately trying to use “blog-slinging” enough times to start a catch-phrase. Kind of like how Spider-Man web-slings around town, but without all the “with great power comes great responsibility” crap. I want to get this catch-phrase on a t-shirt. Say it out loud- “blog-slinging.”

This has gone far enough. Too far. Waaaaay too far. I’m out of here.